While We're on the Subject
Jul. 5th, 2004 01:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsThis was on ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tbrents' journal a while back, and I think it illustrates polyamory and its challenges very well.
Once upon a time, a long time ago there lived two very happy people called Tim
and Maggi with their two children, John and Lucy.
To understand how
happy they were you have to understand how things were in those days. You see,
in those happy days everyone was given, at birth, a small soft Fuzzy Bag.
Anytime a person reached into this bag he was able to pull out a Warm Fuzzy.
Warm Fuzzies were very much in demand because whenever somebody was
given a Warm Fuzzy it made him feel warm and fuzzy all over. People who didn't
get Warm Fuzzies regularly were in danger of developing a sickness in their
backs which caused them to shrivel up and die.
In those days it was very
easy to get Warm Fuzzies. Anytime that somebody felt like it, he might walk up
to you and say, "I'd like to have a Warm Fuzzy." You would then reach into your
bag and pull out a Fuzzy the size of a little girl's hand.
As soon as
the Fuzzy saw the light of day it would smile and blossom into a large shaggy
Warm Fuzzy. You then would lay it on the person's shoulder or head or lap and it
would snuggle up and melt right against their skin and make them feel good all
over.
People were always asking each other for Warm Fuzzies, and since
they were always given freely, getting enough of them was never a problem.
There were always plenty to go around, and as a consequence everyone was
happy and felt warm and fuzzy most of the time.
One day a bad witch
became angry because everyone was so happy and no one was buying potions and
salves.
The witch was very clever and devised a very wicked plan.
One beautiful morning the witch crept up to Tim while Maggi was playing
with their daughter and whispered in his ear, "See here, Tim, look at all the
Fuzzies that Maggi is giving to Lucy. You know, if she keeps it up, eventually
she is going to run out and then there won't be any left for you."
Tim
was astonished. He turned to the witch and said, "Do you mean to tell me that
there isn't a Warm Fuzzy in our bag every time we reach into it?" And the witch
said, "No, absolutely not, and once you run out, that's it. You don't have any
more." With this, the witch flew away, laughing and cackling.
Tim took
this to heart and began to notice every time Maggi gave up a Warm Fuzzy to
somebody else. Eventually he got very worried and upset because he liked Maggi's
Warm Fuzzies very much and did not want to give them up. He certainly did not
think it was right for Maggi to be spending all her Warm Fuzzies on the children
and on other people.
He began to complain every time he saw Maggi giving
a Warm Fuzzy to somebody else, and because Maggi liked him very much, she
stopped giving Warm Fuzzies to other people as often and reserved them for him.
The children watched this and soon began to get the idea that it was
wrong to give up Warm Fuzzies any time you were asked or felt like it.
They too became very careful. They would watch their parents closely,
and whenever they felt that one of their parents was giving too many Fuzzies to
others, they also began to object. They began to feel worried whenever they gave
away too many Warm Fuzzies.
Even though they found a Warm Fuzzy every
time they reached into their bag, they reached in less and less and became more
and more stingy. Soon people began to notice the lack of Warm Fuzzies, and they
began to feel less warm and less fuzzy. They began to shrivel up, and,
occasionally, people would die from lack of Warm Fuzzies.
More and more
people went to the witch to buy potions and salves even though they didn't seem
to work.
Well, the situation was getting very serious indeed. The bad
witch didn't really want the people to die (since dead people couldn't buy
salves and potions) so a new plan was devised.
Everyone was given a bag
that was very similar to the Fuzzy Bag except that this one was cold while the
Fuzzy Bag was warm. Inside of the witch's bag were Cold Pricklies. These Cold
Pricklies did not make people feel warm and fuzzy, but made them feel cold and
prickly instead.
But they did prevent people's back's from shriveling
up. So, from then on, every time somebody said, "I want a Warm Fuzzy," people
who were worried about depleting their supply would say, "I can't give you a
Warm Fuzzy, but would you like a Cold Prickly?"
Sometimes, two people
would walk up to each other, thinking they could get a Warm Fuzzy, but one or
the other of them would change his mind and they would wind up giving each other
Cold Pricklies. So while very few people were dying, a lot of people were still
unhappy and feeling very Cold and Prickly.
The situation got very
complicated. Warm Fuzzies, which used to be thought of as free as air, became
extremely valuable. This caused people to do all sorts of things in order to
obtain them.
Before the witch had appeared, people used to gather in
groups of three or four or five, never caring too much who was giving Warm
Fuzzies to whom. After the coming of the witch, people began to pair off to
reserve all their Warm Fuzzies for each other exclusively. People who forgot
themselves and gave a Fuzzy to someone else would feel guilty because they knew
that their partner would probably resent the loss. People who could not find a
generous partner had to buy their Fuzzies and they worked long hours to earn the
money.
Another thing which happened was that some people would take Cold
Pricklies.....which were limitless and freely available..... coat them white and
fluffy, and pass them on as Warm Fuzzies.
These counterfeit Warm Fuzzies
were really Plastic Fuzzies, and they caused additional difficulties. For
instance, two people would get together and freely exchange Plastic Fuzzies,
which presumably should have made them feel good, but they came away feeling bad
instead. Since they thought they had been exchanging Warm Fuzzies, people grew
very confused about this, never realizing that their cold, prickly feelings were
really the result of the fact that they had been given a lot of Plastic Fuzzies.
So the situation was very, very dismal, and it all started because of
the coming of the witch who made people believe that some day, when least
expected, they might reach into their Warm Fuzzy Bag and find no more.
Not long ago, a lovely, strong woman with big hips and a happy smile
came to this unhappy land. She seemed not to have heard about the witch and was
not worried about running out of Warm Fuzzies. She gave them out freely, even
when not asked. People called her the Hip Woman and some disapproved of her
because she was giving the children the idea that they should not worry about
running out of Warm Fuzzies.
The children liked her very much because
they felt good around her. They, too, began to give out Warm Fuzzies whenever
they felt like it.
The grownups became concerned and decided to pass a
law to protect the children from using up their supplies of Warm Fuzzies. The
law made it a criminal offense to give out Warm Fuzzies in a reckless manner,
without a license.
Many children, however, seemed not to know or care,
and in spite of the law they continued to give each other Warm Fuzzies whenever
they felt like it and always when asked.
Because there were many many
children...almost as many as grownups...it began to look as if maybe the
children would have their way.
As of now it is hard to say what will
happen. Will the forces of law and order stop the children? Are the grownups
going to join with the Hip Woman and the children in taking a chance that there
will always be as many Warm Fuzzies as needed?
Will Tim and Maggi,
recalling the days when they were so happy and when Warm Fuzzies were unlimited,
begin to give away Warm Fuzzies freely again?
The struggle spread all
over the land and is probably going on right where you live. If you want to, and
I hope you do, you can join by freely giving and asking for Warm Fuzzies and by
being as loving and healthy as you can.
EDIT 06/23/2009: In the comment thread below, I make two errors. One is by associating Jesus with the Essenes. Data since then has shown that it's very unlikely that he was associated with the Essenes (although there is evidence that there was some sort of connection, most likely that they had heard and incorporated some of his teachings). The other is in referring to fascism. I have a much better understanding of that term now, and it was used very incorrectly in this instance. My apologies for both mistakes. --K'La
tbrents' journal a while back, and I think it illustrates polyamory and its challenges very well.Once upon a time, a long time ago there lived two very happy people called Tim
and Maggi with their two children, John and Lucy.
To understand how
happy they were you have to understand how things were in those days. You see,
in those happy days everyone was given, at birth, a small soft Fuzzy Bag.
Anytime a person reached into this bag he was able to pull out a Warm Fuzzy.
Warm Fuzzies were very much in demand because whenever somebody was
given a Warm Fuzzy it made him feel warm and fuzzy all over. People who didn't
get Warm Fuzzies regularly were in danger of developing a sickness in their
backs which caused them to shrivel up and die.
In those days it was very
easy to get Warm Fuzzies. Anytime that somebody felt like it, he might walk up
to you and say, "I'd like to have a Warm Fuzzy." You would then reach into your
bag and pull out a Fuzzy the size of a little girl's hand.
As soon as
the Fuzzy saw the light of day it would smile and blossom into a large shaggy
Warm Fuzzy. You then would lay it on the person's shoulder or head or lap and it
would snuggle up and melt right against their skin and make them feel good all
over.
People were always asking each other for Warm Fuzzies, and since
they were always given freely, getting enough of them was never a problem.
There were always plenty to go around, and as a consequence everyone was
happy and felt warm and fuzzy most of the time.
One day a bad witch
became angry because everyone was so happy and no one was buying potions and
salves.
The witch was very clever and devised a very wicked plan.
One beautiful morning the witch crept up to Tim while Maggi was playing
with their daughter and whispered in his ear, "See here, Tim, look at all the
Fuzzies that Maggi is giving to Lucy. You know, if she keeps it up, eventually
she is going to run out and then there won't be any left for you."
Tim
was astonished. He turned to the witch and said, "Do you mean to tell me that
there isn't a Warm Fuzzy in our bag every time we reach into it?" And the witch
said, "No, absolutely not, and once you run out, that's it. You don't have any
more." With this, the witch flew away, laughing and cackling.
Tim took
this to heart and began to notice every time Maggi gave up a Warm Fuzzy to
somebody else. Eventually he got very worried and upset because he liked Maggi's
Warm Fuzzies very much and did not want to give them up. He certainly did not
think it was right for Maggi to be spending all her Warm Fuzzies on the children
and on other people.
He began to complain every time he saw Maggi giving
a Warm Fuzzy to somebody else, and because Maggi liked him very much, she
stopped giving Warm Fuzzies to other people as often and reserved them for him.
The children watched this and soon began to get the idea that it was
wrong to give up Warm Fuzzies any time you were asked or felt like it.
They too became very careful. They would watch their parents closely,
and whenever they felt that one of their parents was giving too many Fuzzies to
others, they also began to object. They began to feel worried whenever they gave
away too many Warm Fuzzies.
Even though they found a Warm Fuzzy every
time they reached into their bag, they reached in less and less and became more
and more stingy. Soon people began to notice the lack of Warm Fuzzies, and they
began to feel less warm and less fuzzy. They began to shrivel up, and,
occasionally, people would die from lack of Warm Fuzzies.
More and more
people went to the witch to buy potions and salves even though they didn't seem
to work.
Well, the situation was getting very serious indeed. The bad
witch didn't really want the people to die (since dead people couldn't buy
salves and potions) so a new plan was devised.
Everyone was given a bag
that was very similar to the Fuzzy Bag except that this one was cold while the
Fuzzy Bag was warm. Inside of the witch's bag were Cold Pricklies. These Cold
Pricklies did not make people feel warm and fuzzy, but made them feel cold and
prickly instead.
But they did prevent people's back's from shriveling
up. So, from then on, every time somebody said, "I want a Warm Fuzzy," people
who were worried about depleting their supply would say, "I can't give you a
Warm Fuzzy, but would you like a Cold Prickly?"
Sometimes, two people
would walk up to each other, thinking they could get a Warm Fuzzy, but one or
the other of them would change his mind and they would wind up giving each other
Cold Pricklies. So while very few people were dying, a lot of people were still
unhappy and feeling very Cold and Prickly.
The situation got very
complicated. Warm Fuzzies, which used to be thought of as free as air, became
extremely valuable. This caused people to do all sorts of things in order to
obtain them.
Before the witch had appeared, people used to gather in
groups of three or four or five, never caring too much who was giving Warm
Fuzzies to whom. After the coming of the witch, people began to pair off to
reserve all their Warm Fuzzies for each other exclusively. People who forgot
themselves and gave a Fuzzy to someone else would feel guilty because they knew
that their partner would probably resent the loss. People who could not find a
generous partner had to buy their Fuzzies and they worked long hours to earn the
money.
Another thing which happened was that some people would take Cold
Pricklies.....which were limitless and freely available..... coat them white and
fluffy, and pass them on as Warm Fuzzies.
These counterfeit Warm Fuzzies
were really Plastic Fuzzies, and they caused additional difficulties. For
instance, two people would get together and freely exchange Plastic Fuzzies,
which presumably should have made them feel good, but they came away feeling bad
instead. Since they thought they had been exchanging Warm Fuzzies, people grew
very confused about this, never realizing that their cold, prickly feelings were
really the result of the fact that they had been given a lot of Plastic Fuzzies.
So the situation was very, very dismal, and it all started because of
the coming of the witch who made people believe that some day, when least
expected, they might reach into their Warm Fuzzy Bag and find no more.
Not long ago, a lovely, strong woman with big hips and a happy smile
came to this unhappy land. She seemed not to have heard about the witch and was
not worried about running out of Warm Fuzzies. She gave them out freely, even
when not asked. People called her the Hip Woman and some disapproved of her
because she was giving the children the idea that they should not worry about
running out of Warm Fuzzies.
The children liked her very much because
they felt good around her. They, too, began to give out Warm Fuzzies whenever
they felt like it.
The grownups became concerned and decided to pass a
law to protect the children from using up their supplies of Warm Fuzzies. The
law made it a criminal offense to give out Warm Fuzzies in a reckless manner,
without a license.
Many children, however, seemed not to know or care,
and in spite of the law they continued to give each other Warm Fuzzies whenever
they felt like it and always when asked.
Because there were many many
children...almost as many as grownups...it began to look as if maybe the
children would have their way.
As of now it is hard to say what will
happen. Will the forces of law and order stop the children? Are the grownups
going to join with the Hip Woman and the children in taking a chance that there
will always be as many Warm Fuzzies as needed?
Will Tim and Maggi,
recalling the days when they were so happy and when Warm Fuzzies were unlimited,
begin to give away Warm Fuzzies freely again?
The struggle spread all
over the land and is probably going on right where you live. If you want to, and
I hope you do, you can join by freely giving and asking for Warm Fuzzies and by
being as loving and healthy as you can.
EDIT 06/23/2009: In the comment thread below, I make two errors. One is by associating Jesus with the Essenes. Data since then has shown that it's very unlikely that he was associated with the Essenes (although there is evidence that there was some sort of connection, most likely that they had heard and incorporated some of his teachings). The other is in referring to fascism. I have a much better understanding of that term now, and it was used very incorrectly in this instance. My apologies for both mistakes. --K'La
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-09 01:21 am (UTC)Personally, I never saw the witch in the story as god's law, or the Christian god (Jehovah, if you will, although that's actually fairly inaccurate.) Keep in mind that a story with the witch as the bad guy is potentially inflammatory to someone who is a witch. I overlooked that, because it was irrelevant to the point on the story, just as the names of the characters were. At any rate, I saw the witch as a personification of fear and greed. The witch was greedy, wanting the money for her salves, so she sowed fear in order to get it. Can there be parallels drawn to the Christian god? Perhaps... certainly the first commandment is a greedy one, and the fear of hell is also sown to enforce it. I'd say, moreso, though, that more parallels can be drawn between this witch and the church (based on Pauline Roman Catholic thought, as all strictly Christian churches that I'm aware of are). At any rate, I hadn't made that connection until you pointed it out. I find that rather ironic.
I'm interested that you say that there needs to be a balance. This is contrary to any Christian teaching I've ever heard. You may have to explain this to me a little better, since I'm having trouble reconciling this with my understandings of Christian theology.
I certainly understand having sex with people to make them like you. I've done that in the past, too. It's an easy way to make "friends", and it does leave you feeling empty inside if the friendship is hollow, and based solely on the physical. That's not what I'm talking about here, though. I'm working, in my life, specifically on seeking emotional attachment, which may end in sex, or may not. Making this connection is difficult for me. The fact that it's challenging, and brings up fear in me, is my clue that it's a major issue for me, and one that I need to resolve. Could I go out there and just fuck a lot of people in that same hollow way I've done in the past? Absolutely. It would be pathetically easy, and maybe it would even sate my general state of lust. But I doubt that. It's the connection I seek, the connection I need to learn, the fear of connection what I need to overcome. How silly of me it would be to stop short if my heart wanted to take the connection to a physical level. How selfish of me to deny it to my husband if his heart felt connected to another. Our moral standpoints are simply different on this. You feel it's wrong to do this, for EVERYONE. I feel FOR ME that it's wrong NOT to. Other people have different needs, different challenges, different experiences. You certainly know from previous posts I've made that I don't endorse any type of open relationship that I think is unhealthy. I'd be happy to debate the healthiness of my actions, and be happy to listen and re-evaluate. But I just don't believe in the morality that forbids it.