I haven't written here in a while, and I haven't read in at least as long. I have no idea what's going on in the lives of most people. I kinda wanna know, but at the same time, I haven't really made much of an effort. Other than missing two baby showers, both of which I meant to go to, I don't feel horribly bad about this. For a change, I'm rather content with what I've been doing in the meantime, and how things have been going. Most of the things that have been going on, or at least the details of those things, aren't fit for this LJ, which is part of the reason I haven't bothered, 'cause I usually hate being cryptic. But, I'd rather post than not, and I have the opportunity, and somewhat of an inclination to do so tonight, so I'll just type along and see what happens.
It's my birthday today. I'm 39, for the first and only time. I've made more leaps and bounds in my personal life in the past 2-3 weeks than I have in ...well, a long time. Again, I won't go into the details here, but my husband has rediscovered himself, in many ways, which has completely changed our dynamic. It's been an incredible roller coaster ride, and I certainly do mean that there were valleys as well as mountains. And horrible valleys they were, too. But the mountains have been incredible, and the valleys are slowly becoming foothills. I was talking to BlckwngdOrcl
the other day, and was reminding him of a conversation we'd had years ago. A friend of our had lost a lot of weight, and I commented that, if I really looked and paid attention, I could tell that the weight had been lost, but if I wasn't really concentrating, I couldn't tell. It wasn't that the weight loss wasn't dramatic, because it was. It was that the body hadn't adjusted yet, and this person still moved and reacted (both physically and energetically) like an overweight person. That's kinda how I feel. I've made this huge amount of progress in my emotional state, and I can tell. However, the old, less adaptive emotions still return, and, while they still feel real to me, there's part of me that recognizes that they just ...don't fit
as well. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, and in many ways, it almost feels too easy (I can say that now, since I'm not in the midst of the valleys), so I feel sometimes like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, but much as I poke and prod, and look for it, and maybe even try to manifest it, so I can feel safe in that pattern, it's just not happening. Scaryexciting stuff. I know this is definitely a swing of the pendulum, where I feel a sense of euphoria, that will eventually settle down into something a bit more grounded, but, if nothing else, I think I've been pretty real throughout the process, not masking things, and forcing myself to sit with whatever emotions I've had, both good and bad, and to really allow myself to feel them, and to also follow them back to their source. The journey's not over, but damn, it's good to have been shown through the door.
As a more mundane update, nothing new on the job and living situation front. Still have 5 cats. Still taking Core (in the 4th year, with only an optional 5th year to go, if I choose). I'm leaning heavily at this point towards not taking the fifth year. Partially 'cause I really don't want to see (human) clients. Partially 'cause I don't want to have that debt hanging over our heads when we move to Illinois. Partially 'cause I'm just not as into it as I once was. I feel like I can get a lot of the same things from Animal Communication, and from continuing my usual therapy, and trying to find a body-centered psychotherapist in Illinois where I can continue the work. Not likely to find a Core therapist, but perhaps a BioEnergetic therapist. I need to check the webpage for the US Association of Body Psychotherapists, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.
I've completed Level 2 Animal Communication. I've been lax in practicing, and in meditating (I've been told in no uncertain terms by both human and animal teachers that I need to do this regularly... which, of course, I already knew). Next week, I'm travelling to Indiana to visit my parents, and then over to Illinois to take Levels 1 and 2 (and 3? not sure, I have to check) of Shamanic Animal Communication. I'm really looking forward to that. I have to say though, I loved the 8-week teleclass format of the Level 2 class I took. I'll likely take all my other classes that way, but I had already signed up for this one in person. Plus, it's a great excuse/reason to visit my parents, who I still don't see enough of.
I'm still reading Atlas Shrugged. I'm into the soliloquy now, so close to the end. At one point, I was reading that book at David's during my downtime, and listening to Walden on audiobook in my car. I found this very amusing at first, thinking that I couldn't possibly be listening to two more antithetical books. However, as I got further into each one, I discovered they actually weren't all that different, and I think Thoreau and Rand could probably find a lot of common ground. Pam, who as most of you know teaches my Core classes, doesn't seem to like Rand's theories either, but I also find it has a lot of common ground with Core. There are so many things to learn from all those sources, and they all seem to be saying very similar things, from different viewpoints, using different vocabulary. There's so much to assimilate, and so many ways I want to re-shape myself.
Speaking of which... not sure yet what to do with my birthday money, but seriously considering looking into a health club membership. I have to pay a year in advance, and I've heard most prices are going up, so not sure I can pull that off. We'll see. I've found that it's easier and easier to be vegetarian lately. Partially 'cause I've discovered some really great meat substitutes, but I also really think my palate is changing. For instance, I'm a HUUUUUUUGE fan of real butter, and scorned, both on taste and on principle, the use of any type of margarine. (There are also sound reasons not to use it, as well.) Anyway, I recently started using a vegan alternative to both butter and mayonnaise, and I actually really like both of them. And, no cholesterol, which is great, 'cause mine is really high. Notwithstanding when I go out, I've pretty much cut out most things in my diet that have any cholesterol at all. I haven't bought cheese in a while (OMG my favorite food, though), and I've cut down my milk intake quite a bit. Eggs I go back and forth on. Overall, though, I'd say I'm eating much healthier than before. Doesn't really show on the scale yet, but I really feel like I'm moving in the right direction.
Anyway, that's about all I feel like writing right now. I have a fabulous husband in bed, and I want to go be with him.
*sings* Happy Birthday to Me!