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Mar. 30th, 2003
I'm sitting here, with my back killing me, the aftermath of a deep massage yesterday. My therapist was basically having a fundraiser, with suggested donations and various services offered, so I took advantage, since it seemed like a good cause. (Anyone interested, let me know, and I'll send you the flyer.) I'm supposed to be drinking a lot of water, so I can detox, which I'm trying to do. I have some detox tea, too, so I'm drinking that, also.
I'm getting clear signals that I'm supposed to be dealing with some of my past relationships. I originally thought it was just Fig. I've been thinking about him more often lately, but later, I got something a bit more obvious. I had given a bunch of books away to Christa, so she could sell them, and apparently, when she went through them, she found a receipt, which she gave back to me. It was a receipt from my old landlord in Bourbonnais, with Fig's and my names on it. I figured I was kinda getting the inkling before, but this was the slap in the face.
But I'm still unclear as to how to go about this. I mean, what am I supposed to do, call him? I know how to get in contact with him; in fact, I have several ways I could do it. But I'm supposed to call him up out of the blue, and tell him that the gods are giving me signals to contact him? Or even if I don't say that, I'm still calling him with no apparent provocation after not speaking to him in almost 3 years. So, I'm kinda just gonna leave it be for now. I'm hoping that when the time is "right", I'll get a sudden urge to pick up the phone, or whatnot. I suppose, in the meantime, I need to deal with my own feelings about the whole situation. Which, maybe, is all that's supposed to happen, now that I think of it.
Also, the dream I posted earlier makes me wonder if I need to do any work regarding Leo. Now, granted, just before I moved down here, I re-connected with him after 5 years, and that went well. We seem to understand each other better, and even though I think he's still bitter, I no longer am, and I'm comfortable with the decision I made. We get along now. In fact, he's contacted me (via IM) again recently, and I seem to enjoy talking to him, although we haven't gotten into any meaty discussions. We don't do anything sexual, at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
blckwngdorcl's request. That, and he wouldn't tell his wife, who hates my guts, not, I get the impression, 'cause her husband was hurt by the big bad ex-wife, but because she fears what he (still) feels for me. I used to really not give a fuck if I fucked married men behind their wives' backs. What they did was of no concern to me. But, isarma said something once that struck me. "If they aren't proud to be fucking me, and wanting to tell the world, then I'm not interested in fucking them." I'm still not sure I really give a fuck about the morals of it, but that idea appeals to me. And also puts a whole new light on my "secret" relationship with Fig.
I really don't have much more to say about this. Not quite sure where to go from here about all of it, but just wanted to get it down on virtual paper.
I'm getting clear signals that I'm supposed to be dealing with some of my past relationships. I originally thought it was just Fig. I've been thinking about him more often lately, but later, I got something a bit more obvious. I had given a bunch of books away to Christa, so she could sell them, and apparently, when she went through them, she found a receipt, which she gave back to me. It was a receipt from my old landlord in Bourbonnais, with Fig's and my names on it. I figured I was kinda getting the inkling before, but this was the slap in the face.
But I'm still unclear as to how to go about this. I mean, what am I supposed to do, call him? I know how to get in contact with him; in fact, I have several ways I could do it. But I'm supposed to call him up out of the blue, and tell him that the gods are giving me signals to contact him? Or even if I don't say that, I'm still calling him with no apparent provocation after not speaking to him in almost 3 years. So, I'm kinda just gonna leave it be for now. I'm hoping that when the time is "right", I'll get a sudden urge to pick up the phone, or whatnot. I suppose, in the meantime, I need to deal with my own feelings about the whole situation. Which, maybe, is all that's supposed to happen, now that I think of it.
Also, the dream I posted earlier makes me wonder if I need to do any work regarding Leo. Now, granted, just before I moved down here, I re-connected with him after 5 years, and that went well. We seem to understand each other better, and even though I think he's still bitter, I no longer am, and I'm comfortable with the decision I made. We get along now. In fact, he's contacted me (via IM) again recently, and I seem to enjoy talking to him, although we haven't gotten into any meaty discussions. We don't do anything sexual, at
blckwngdorcl's request. That, and he wouldn't tell his wife, who hates my guts, not, I get the impression, 'cause her husband was hurt by the big bad ex-wife, but because she fears what he (still) feels for me. I used to really not give a fuck if I fucked married men behind their wives' backs. What they did was of no concern to me. But, isarma said something once that struck me. "If they aren't proud to be fucking me, and wanting to tell the world, then I'm not interested in fucking them." I'm still not sure I really give a fuck about the morals of it, but that idea appeals to me. And also puts a whole new light on my "secret" relationship with Fig. I really don't have much more to say about this. Not quite sure where to go from here about all of it, but just wanted to get it down on virtual paper.
