Dream

[bookofmirrors]

I don't remember exactly how the dream started out. Somehow, though, I was back with my first husband, Leo. (Maybe the survey I took the other day brought out some issues or something...) But it wasn't like we were really back together. It was more like blckwngdorcl had gone somewhere, and Leo had been assigned to be my surrogate husband while he was gone. So, anyway, we're doing that. The first thing I remember is being over at the Vulgar Labrynth (which didn't look like it, in the way that dreams do), and Leo, isarma, jupitercornwall, and I were kinda talking. jupitercornwall and I were gonna go off by ourselves and have sex, or at least lie around naked together and whatever happened, happened. So, we're in the bedroom by ourselves, and hadn't yet gotten around to the naked part, when Leo comes in on some obviously contrived errand, while at the same time seeming none too happy that jupitercornwall and I were gonna be doing something sexual. I should note that, in this dream, I don't think Leo and I ever did anything sexual, except perhaps kiss, and him fondle me. So, I think he was upset that I'd do something with jupitercornwall but not him. So, anyway, we gently dismiss him, but the mood is kinda fucked up, and we're not sure if he's gonna continue to interrupt, so we decide to just hang around for a while. isarma comes back in, having seen the whole exchange from the other side of the door, and we all started talking. Mostly I was listening, with jupitercornwall and isarma doing the talking about how they had never realized how pathetically possessive he was, and wondered how I could tolerate it, when it was obviously hindering my own freedom, and that I certainly didn't need that kind of energy in my life, especially when I was in the self-discovery process, which included things like polyamory. I mostly listened quietly, and I remember being sad about the whole thing, 'cause I had really hoped, now that he had his own wife, and a new "pet" on the side, he wouldn't be so hung up on me, and that we could have a normal relationship, with him realizing that I was no longer his, and I had other pursuits that didn't involve him and such. Anyway, at some point during this conversation, Leo comes back in. jupitercornwall and I, at this point, are sitting next to each other on the floor, with our backs to the bed. isarma is sitting in front of us, so we're making a little triangle. So, when Leo comes in, jupitercornwall and I are facing him, head on, and isarma is a little off to the side, and doesn't really bother to turn to face him. Anyway, I suddenly feel this hostile wave of energy coming from Leo. Not just angry, but "I'm going to GET you" angry. I kinda suck in my breath, and let it out slowly but kinda loudly, when I realize that jupitercornwall is doing the exact same thing next to me, so I know he felt it, too. So, I'm wanting to not be alone with Leo, 'cause I think he's finally snapped, and he's gonna make sure no one else can have me. I'm kinda looking to jupitercornwall for help at this point, since I know he felt what I did, and isarma has left, having no desire whatsoever to share space with Leo, now that she's decided he simply doesn't have the type of energy or personality she cares to hang out with. So, I think jupitercornwall somehow either goes with me when I leave with Leo, or he somehow makes it safe for me to go alone, although I still remember being wary. I remember being alone in what looks like a makeshift bedroom in my old bedroom from the house I grew up in. It had a slapdash look about it. No furniture, so the bed and clothes and such were all over the floor, and not always neat. So, I'm in there with Leo, kinda nervous, and waiting for him to bring up the subject that obviously on his mind. He does, eventually, and I don't remember what he said. I remember replying to him, though. I don't remember the exact words, but I remember it being something to the effect of, "I've TOLD you I'm with blckwngdorcl. We're never going to be the same again. I chose HIM, not you." I remember there was a lot of frustration in my voice, and I remember trying so hard to be nice, keep my tone even, but I had just about had it, so I was having only marginal success at this.

I don't remember exactly what happened after that. Either he left, or he agreed, and faded into the background for the rest of the dream. Don't know which. I never saw him or felt him again, but later, I was in a truck I knew was his.

Anyway, I leave from there, and I'm walking around. Somehow, I know I'm in Champaign, where I went to college, and I know I'm wandering around this big section of ruined buildings just south of the Six Pack and north of the Stadium. (No such buildings exist in reality.) The buildings are all concrete, and huge, but kinda hollow, like they didn't quite ever finish putting the outsides on them (which makes them the opposite of hollow, I guess...). I know, in my dream, that these buildings are home to basically a set of underground geek/nerd types. Mad professors whose ideas and methods are so radical that they can no longer teach at the university, and students who attend the university, but are of like mind, and spend most of their off-time in these places. It was one of those places that is kinda scary if you're an outsider, but they take care of their own. I think I was kind of in a grey area, where I wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms, but they knew I was sympathetic and curious enough that, if I was careful, no one would bother me, even though I didn't know anyone there.

I was walking along and happened upon this older guy, foreign in a way I couldn't put my finger on. More accurately, I couldn't place his accent, although he kinda reminded me of the older Jewish guy in Independence Day - Judd Hirsh? I think I noticed his basket first, and I was just starting to go over and explore it, when he noticed me, and started telling me about it. It was a normal basket, maybe as big in diameter as the length of my forearm, but it was set up kinda like a floral arrangement, with layers upon layers of color and texture. Except this was made out of animals. There was a long-haired black cat curled up in the bottom of the basket (who looked like Whimsy and Smithers' mother), and there were tiers of other animals throughout. They were all perfectly formed, but maybe a third the size of normal animals, to fit in the basket. I remember her kittens were in a smaller basket that was set up higher within the big basket, and they were tiny, but perfect. One was sick, and the guy was sad about that, and he knew it was because the environment of these buildings wasn't very healthy, but he had no other place to go, or to keep the cats. There were other animals in the basket. It seemed like the more I explored it, the more animals I found. There was a baby opposum, which I remember finding very cute, and wondering how people could just hit them on the highway with complete disregard. There was a baby hedgehog, which I had a hard time convincing some other guy that wandered by that he shouldn't rub its "fur" the wrong way.

I eventually left that area, and somehow, ended up in a field, with my sister's partner, Bill. We were in a van, and just stopping to get out. We were alone at this point. We were actually, now that I think of it, not so much in a field, as we were in an open section of the subdivision I grew up in. He and I were alone, and I remember we were flirting with each other a little bit. He basically said something along the lines of he knew I was curious, and since we were alone, we could explore that a bit. At some point during this conversation, some guy who was apparently a buddy of his came along, and was looking upon the whole scene with interest. Somehow, we (Bill and I) ended up kissing, but it was more playful, like he was judging if I knew certain techniques, since he was older than I was. When we were done, the guy asked Bill if I had done well, and Bill said I had missed a couple, and he moved to kiss me again, this time taking the lead, nibbling my lips and such. I told him when he was done that I did know that technique, but I had been nervous about using it on him. It was all still very playful, but I remember being a little out of breath, and not from the exertion. So, somehow, Bill and I ended up outside some sporting event. There was this girl there, wearing something that looked like a combination of a soccer and a cheerleader outfit. (My waking mind draws disturbing connections to Jessica, although there was none of this in my dream. She didn't look like her, at any rate.) Somehow, Bill and I were supposed to take this girl away for a while, and seduce her. It was kinda like people knew it, but didn't REALLY know it. Kinda like they knew SOMETHING was going to happen to her, but didn't quite know what, but since they weren't getting any bad vibes about it, they were willing to ignore it, and let us take her. Her parents were there, and seemed to be well-off, laughing in that socially acceptable manner that the well-off do, and basically giving us permission to take her. Part of me was kinda weirded out by the whole thing, 'cause it was obvious she was underage, but I was getting what seemed like unspoken messages from Bill, saying something to the effect of, since we weren't going to hurt her, it was OK, and this was how things were done here, and the law overlooked it. There was much emphasis on this being a positive experience for her, and nothing coercive. In fact, the girl did seem like she was flirty, curious, and slightly nervous, as someone would be expected to be if they knew they were about to be seduced. So, it was arranged that she would leave with us, and we would have her back in time for the celebratory party.

I don't remember anything else about this storyline of the dream. I remember at some point, being in a pickup (that I think was flying), and noticing that there was a large crystal affixed to the hood, so I realized it was Leo's truck. I remember ending up at the Open Air Market where I grew up, and there being a dog who stuck his head out of a cat door, and petting him, and hearing people inside going about their daily lives, and I remember that, at some point, blckwngdorcl came back, and I got the impression, now that I think of it, that he hadn't really left on any journey of his own, but specifically so that I could have the journeys I had.