Book of Mirrors

Our wedding vows, which were based on a book I don't recall...

BlckwngdOrcl


I choose you as my partner because in you face, I see
Every Woman
Every Mother
Every Daughter
Every Sister.

You are my Muse, my Song, and my Love. I am
Awed by your Love,
Challenged by your Spontaneity,
and Touched by your Tenderness.

I take now the ring you gave to me and give it place upon my hand,
that all may see, and know of my love for you.


BookOfMirrors


I choose you as my partner, because in your face, I see
Every Man
Every Father
Every Son
Every Brother.

My soul sings to be near you, and rejoices in your Song. I am
Awed by your Strength
Challenged by your Intelligence
and Touched by your Wisdom.

You are the fulfillment of my desire, and
I love you with all of my Being.

I take now the ring you give to me and give it place upon my hand,
that all may see, and know of my love for you.


For any newcomers who haven't read the story of how we ended up together, feel free to go here. It's a totally mushy story, and it rarely fails to make me all sappy and weepy when I re-read it myself, so pursue at your own risk. :)

FYI... I heard about this at the last HOCC meeting, and this was passed on via one of my Facebook friends... and it was too many characters for Facebook to let me post.

***********************************************************


For those of you that may already know or may wish to know, I thought I ought at least pass this along. Perhaps you also will know others to pass this to - please do.

This came to me via Starbridge and I thank them. Not sure I'd be able to go, but may consider it if others were also. No matter what one might have felt about her personally, Lady Sintana was a great Lady, especially for her time, and did much for the pagan community. I wish her well and peace on her new journey.

Even if you don't know who this is and I sent to you as a friend, I just wished you to know that an important person of the pagan community in Atlanta has passed.

Many Blessings all,

Donna Lyon Rhose

Hail and well met friend of Starbridge,

Lady Maia has asked for us to pass this information along to our community.
The memory of the Lady Sintana will also be honoured at the Feast of the Dead at the Starbridge Festival in October: Turning Wheel. Do contact us for more informaiton.
Blessed be,
Logan and Danae

Greetings,

Ravenwood Church and Seminary will hold a memorial service and reception to celebrate the life of our Founder, Elder High Priestess and Witch Queen, Lady Sintana, on October 2, 2010 from 2-4 pm.

In lieu of flowers, please donate to Ravenwood Church and Seminary of Wicca. This will assist in defraying the cost of the service.

In order to preserve individual privacy, No pictures, recordings or media will be allowed.

Should you need further information, Please email Lady Maia.
ladymaia@houseofravenwood.org
Blessings,

Lady Maia

I keep hearing all this stuff about re-posting setting for Facebook or somesuch... I'm not particularly in the mood to go and hunt down all the settings. This is basically just a test post to see if it'll show up on Facebook.

As an aside, since it seems to be the "in" thing to do....

My LJ is public... always has been, always will be. I'm not going to stop anyone from re-posting stuff elsewhere. I will point out, however, that my list of Facebook friends includes family members, who in general either don't know about the more interesting aspects of my life, or have specifically said they'd rather NOT know. So, obviously I'd prefer it if people didn't. But this is the internet, and shit happens. If I was ashamed of my life, I wouldn't live it.

OK, I know a lot of people on my friends list are in school, thinking about it, whatever... via the wonderful world of Twitter, where I complained about the cost of my textbooks for my upcoming classes, I discovered http://www.textbookly.com/

Very, Very Cool. I got every book I needed, at less than half of what it would have cost me to even buy them used... and ended up getting most of them new!

Hint: Apparently, Parkland has some editions edited just for them, which makes the ISBN numbers different... when I just searched on the number, I didn't get back results... but when I searched by name and/or author, I found basically the same book (in some cases a newer edition, an international edition, etc.)... definitely close enough to get the work done.

Try this!!!

On a much lighter note, this entry is made JUST to show off my new icon, which aurorastar420 allowed me to steal from her (she got it from an unnamed friend, apparently).

(EDIT: Said unnamed friend was tootsicle, and she got the icon from someone in pinkhair.)

I thought of you, RadiantBaby!!!

This is more a quick cut-and-paste post, partially because I'm at work, and not necessarily in a position or mindset to be contemplative, and also don't have as much time to expound as I would like. This might also be incorporated into a later post I have in my head regarding finding out my rising sign is Capricorn and not Scorpio.

A few notes about the below...

It comments that if Saturn rules your Ascendant, things are felt more strongly. Saturn apparently does rule Capricorn. It also mentions something about Saturn being exalted in Libra, which is my sun sign... not sure how that would affect things, but seems like it would further enhance/focus the energy. It also mentions something about if the sun and moon have a hard aspect... my sun is sextile my moon, but I have no idea if that's a hard aspect or not. (Never mind... duh... Google. This is an easy aspect, I'm told.) My moon is trine Saturn, and that's apparently an easy aspect, too.

At any rate, like just about everything else in my life I've "happened" to come across recently, "that explains much". Again, a longer post about that is forthcoming next time I can get to a coffee shop and blog. :)

It also helps shape some more nebulous and confusing ideas I've been having.

But for my own ease of finding it later, I add the below:

( (from CafeAstrology.com) )

It would seem that, in order to reply to comments, I have to unscreen them. Which I'm not planning on doing yet. So, don't feel ignored if I don't respond to comments on my last post! I *am* reading them, and thank you!!!

My photo dump yesterday was precipitated by wanting an easily-accessible place to house the photos of my apartment that I wanted to send to people that I was sending an update on my life to. And, since I haven't posted here lately, I thought I'd edit that down to an LJ-friendly version, so everyone can see why I've fallen off the face of the planet recently.

Mostly, my lack of availability is related to having to adjust to a "typical" 8-hour day/5-day a week work schedule. It was something I did for years before, and I had no idea how foreign it would have become to me!! This has been further complicated by the fact that it hasn't *really* been typical, since I've been working midnights. I think this week is the first week since I've started this job (at the end of February) that I haven't had a serious problem staying awake all night at least one night a week. Actually, I got a really good schedule, as schedules go... I work Thursday-Monday, and have Tuesday/Wednesday off. Mostly, this is because I volunteered to work every weekend, so I wouldn't have to think about what weekends I worked, and what ones I didn't, since I'm required to work 2 per month. Apparently, getting 2 consistent days off in a row is kinda unheard of, so at least there's that. I think working midnights is wreaking havoc on my system in general, though.

Here's what's been happening in mine....

Mostly, my lack of availability is related to having to adjust to a "typical" 8-hour day/5-day a week work schedule. It was something I did for years before, and I had no idea how foreign it would have become to me!! This has been further complicated by the fact that it hasn't *really* been typical, since I've been working midnights. I think this week is the first week since I've started this job (at the end of February) that I haven't had a serious problem staying awake all night at least one night a week. Actually, I got a really good schedule, as schedules go... I work Thursday-Monday, and have Tuesday/Wednesday off. Mostly, this is because I volunteered to work every weekend, so I wouldn't have to think about what weekends I worked, and what ones I didn't, since I'm required to work 2 per month. Apparently, getting 2 consistent days off in a row is kinda unheard of, so at least there's that. I think working midnights is wreaking havoc on my system in general, though.

My "ideal" work day is:

Get off work at 7am... go home, wake BlckwngdOrcl up, make/eat breakfast, watch CNN during this, stay up long enough to let food digest a little, and get to bed around 10am-ish... wake up around 6pm, do all the usual shower/etc. things... cook dinner and hang out with BlckwngdOrcl for a little while, and have some time to do things, before leaving for work around 10:30pm.

This doesn't sound too bad... it's just that things hardly ever actually work this way. What actually happens....

Thursday night I go to work around 10:30pm... I've reset my schedule to day shift on my days off, so I can try to get things done during business hours, and hang out with BlckwngdOrcl... so, by the time I get off work in the morning, I've been up right around 24 hours. But, since it's now Friday morning, and therefore payday, I make my weekly run down to Arthur to pick up milk/eggs/cheese/cream. The bank is usually open (9am) by the time I get back, so I go there and get whatever money/money orders/etc. I need to pay bills, go to the store, etc.. I might stop at the roastery to pick up some coffee, if we're out. I might stop at the co-op to get some groceries, but by then I'm really wanting to get home, and even in a small town, at that point, driving the extra less-than-5-miles to do that just seems like too much. So, somewhere in there, I've given BlckwngdOrcl a call to be awake so he can carry up the now-full gallon jars of milk (usually 4), along with everything else. I'm still pretty wired at this point, and we're both up, so I go ahead and make breakfast. Breakfast pretty much is always bacon and eggs, and I've just about gotten the cooking down to a science so it's pretty low key. I've discovered that it's possible to unload and reload the dishwasher in the time it takes the oven to preheat - who knew? It certainly FEELS like it takes longer than 8 minutes! So, BlckwngdOrcl sets up for breakfast (we don't really have a usable table, so we eat on TV trays at the couch, hence the CNN) while I cook it... somewhere in there we feed the cats, etc.. So by the time I ACTUALLY get to bed, it's closer to noon... so I end up waking up around 8pm, which is just enough time to shower and do dinner before I have to leave for work.

So, I go into work on Friday night, and get off Saturday morning. I get home and drag BlckwngdOrcl's ass out of bed. :) While he's showering/etc., I clean up the kitchen, feed the cats, etc.. Then comes the highlight of the week - something I like to call "Goat-Inspired Breakfast"! :) There's a local goat farm maybe a mile or two from us that has breakfasts every Saturday during this season... from what I can tell, pretty much from the time the goats start "kidding" until the local farmers' market starts running. They have a different menu every week, and a little mini-farmers' market. All the food is grown locally, and includes the small list of meats I'll eat. It's a limited menu, so BlckwngdOrcl and I have delighted in ordering "one of everything" and sharing, so we can try all the neat stuff they have - and it's affordable. Usually, this means we each get part of a main dish, and split some pastry-like things. They had these scones a couple of weeks back that I was leery to try, since scones, in my head, are all sweet, and these were "Prairie Fruits Farm Mollisol Pecorino scones with red pepper jelly and chives"... but they were AMAZING. I could have made an entire breakfast out of those, and very much wished I had some butter to go with them... And, of course, then we get to go out and wander the farm, pet the goats and the chickens... so, again, I'm hopefully in bed by noon, and up by 8pm, dinner, work....

Sunday morning, no errands... just home for breakfast, and in bed early, although the past two days have affected my schedule such that I generally toss and turn for a while, and I usually end up on something similar to the 12n-8p sleeping schedule. Alternatively, this will end up being the day that, knowing I'll toss and turn anyway, I'll prep something to slow-cook all day, so that dinner is ready when I wake up. As an aside, BlckwngdOrcl declares that I've become "quite the little cook", and I have to say that I usually agree with him. Thank God for the internet! I pretty much just Google how to cook any given thing, compare the recipes, decide what sounds good, and do that. Even with some substitutions here and there, it's gone pretty well. Back to work at the usual time.
Monday night lather rinse repeat, although I seem to feel less miserable when I wake up.
So, there's my week. Keep in mind I also work for a staffing company, and I've told them I can work Tuesdays if they have work for me. (I cut even that down drastically in March, because I was just so. fucking. exhausted. all the time.) So, I pretty much have to come home and do the usual - breakfast/sleep, in case I end up working Tuesday night... which is something I'm never 100% sure about until 10pm that night... they have until then to either give me a shift if they haven't already, or to take away a shift they've told me that need someone for. So I can't really plan to do much on Tuesdays. Luckily, between cutting my hours and just their needs, they haven't asked me to work the past couple of months. I've been EXTREMELY grateful. Basically, this means, I don't really have as much of a day off on Tuesdays as I'd like to, 'cause I have to act *as if* I work until it's too late to do anything else.

I've found that, even when I've slept during the day on Tuesday, if it's possible to sleep, I end up sleeping through the night, anyway. My body really seems to crave sleeping at night... which is only natural, of course, but somewhat inconvenient for me. Last night, for instance, when I was thinking I'd be on the computer all night, catching up on stuff, but I was falling asleep around midnight, so I just went to bed. I got up at 5am after that. (This usually carries over, which is why I'm typically up well over 24 hours by the time I get home from work on Friday mornings.) So... Wednesday during the day, I can usually get things done... laundry, etc.. In theory. In practice, I do a lot of sleeping. This has gotten a lot better the past few weeks, as I slowly start to get used to this lifestyle, but it's still not perfect.

Ditto Thursdays.

Of course, this would all be well and good if these were the only things I did... but I've picked up another client that I see every other Sunday and every Monday for 3 hours in the morning when I get off my other shift. Except on some Mondays, when I also drive to Savoy (maybe 5-10 miles from here) and give a lady in assisted living her medications (she has a g-tube, and the home health aides can't do that part). So, on those days, everything gets shifted by a few hours.
And, of course, then there's the modeling I'm still doing for the art departments. There were a couple of weeks where I was doing that at least twice a week, so that further messed up my sleep schedule. I still love it, though.

After much (somewhat inadvertent) research, I've decided to go to Danville Area Community College to get my RN. They have a unique program that doesn't involve a third semester to get the bridge information between LPN and RN, they have a great reputation in the area, and have just about a 100% pass rate on the Boards. Unfortunately, like every other program, my biology-related classes are too out of date, and I have to re-take them before I can start classes. I'll do that closer to home, at Parkland. So, I won't be able to start the actual nursing classes until the spring, but it seems like that's the best bet. I'm both dreading and looking forward to it, but it's something I really need to do. I get tuition reimbursement via work (I think it kicks in in September), so my parents will help me cover the costs, and then I can pay them back afterwards. The hike in pay isn't as great here as it would be in Atlanta, nor are the increased options (there just aren't as many places here to work), but I still think it'll be invaluable in the long run. I've had a meeting with the head of the department, and my main concern, about being out of district, has been alleviated, so it's full speed ahead from here!

BlckwngdOrcl and/or I have been sick a lot. He had a several-day migraine that kept him in bed... his allergies are making him crazy, and he's had a sore throat. I've had similar... I've gotten those excruciating headaches like I get, and was finally able to tame those with a combination of MucinexD (they finally have an affordable generic) and ibuprofen, but it took a while. While I was at my parents, I started coughing up even worse things than usual... instead of just icky yellow, they got that creamy gray-green color, so the morning I had planned on leaving, I went to a walk-in med clinic instead. I got antibiotics and such, and that helped, and had to take a day (er, night) off work so I wouldn't get my client sick, and I've been better, but not perfect, since then. I've had a sore throat for the past 3 weeks, my tonsils are still swollen, and I'm still coughing and/or blowing horrible-looking things. I'm eligible for insurance as of 04/01/2010, and I've filled out the paperwork, but I'm still waiting on the insurance cards and such. I'm high-tailing it to a doctor and a specialist as soon as I have 'em in my hot little hands. I've decided to push for surgery, as soon as I can work out how that affects my job. We'll see if they cooperate. But that's another thing that's been greatly affecting my life here... sometimes sleeping is almost impossible due to all the shit that goes on with that, and I can't keep going at this breakneck pace that's only going to get worse when I start classes without some sort of intervention.

Also on the agenda today is to fill out a FAFSA form for BlckwngdOrcl to go back to school. We've come to the conclusion that what he wants to do is computer engineering... and it turns out that U of I has the 3rd best undergraduate program in the country! I look at the classes he has to take, and cringe - they're extremely math-heavy... but he likes that sort of thing. Not sure if he'll finish it in 4 years, or how many classes he'll have to take to "catch up" since he's been out of school so long, and who knows what he remembers, but having a plan is good. We're hoping he can start at least something in the fall. With him working midnights, too, it ought to be perfect.

Anyway... THIS is why I haven't had time to do much besides read... I *have* been reading... just no comments.

Hopefully that will change soon.

Time for another update. I've noticed that I only tend to update when I'm in a really good mood, and it is in fact rare that I'm not... although there are times I'm not, just for the record.

Anyway...

In the "bad mood" category, just for balance, we can take a look at Tuesday. I work 40 hours a week nowadays. I haven't been doing this for very long, maybe a couple of weeks at that rate. Now, keep in mind that, even though when you combine jobs, there have certainly been times I've worked more than 40 hours a week in the past 3 years or so, these jobs were all broken up, and at alternatingly weird hours, so it never felt like 40 hours for some odd reason. Working 40 hours broken up into 5 8-hour shifts isn't something I've done in WELL over 5 years.

I had NO IDEA how hard it would be to re-adjust.

So, anyway, if you'll recall, I'm doing the 5 8-hour shifts per week thing of home health care, which I really love, and I also have that staffing job where I give them my availability, and they let me know if they have anything that day. They have until 10pm to either cancel a shift already given (I only work midnights) or to give me a shift I hadn't previously been told about. This past Tuesday, I'd been told I had a shift, and I was DESPERATELY hoping it would be cancelled. Yeah, I know, bad for the wallet, but I was exhausted beyond belief. So, come 9:30pm, no one had called to cancel my shift... at which point I'm in tears, lamenting this fact, and having no legitimate excuse whatsoever to call off. So, given that I didn't like the other choices, either, I went to work, of course. It wasn't even a bad night, and it was steady enough to keep me awake, plus, unlike the home healthcare job when I'm, for all practical purposes, basically alone with my (sleeping) client most of the night, I had other staff members to keep me awake. I even got what turned out to be a pretty easy assignment. So, really, can't complain.

But, as any of you who are also on my Facebook know, a weird thing happened at the end of the shift. To quote that post:

Counted narcotics last night with a new grad nurse, who was much flustered. Somehow we missed that one of the counts was off. Not a hugely bad thing, since they're legitimately accounted for elsewhere, but now I'm stuck here until the PM nurse can be reached and convinced to come in to correct the error on the right form. They've left at least 2 voicemails so far. No telling when she'll show up. I'm tired, hungry, and want to go home, but it's just as much my fault as anyone's... *sigh* And I soooo didn't want to work last night at ALL...

So... I'm sitting there, wondering when I'll get out of there, and thinking that I worked that night, and what if I was stuck there until the other nurse came in at 3:00pm, and that was assuming she was scheduled to work at all.... Hell, I know I don't answer my phone on my days off, and maybe she was the same way... So I sent an email to the scheduler at my full-time job, basically saying I'd explain later, but I might not be able to go to work that night, and that I'd let her know more when I knew more. She emailed back and said that she had someone to cover if need be (which she said was unusual to be able to pull off) and to keep her posted. Well, after staying there an hour or two, they had me talk to the Director of Nursing, and I had to fill out a statement on the whole incident, and they let me go home. Which meant, luckily, that I'd have time to get my usual amount of sleep before work that night. So, I called the scheduler to let her know, and explained the whole sordid story, etc.. I also told her that, even though I could now work, I was exhausted, and the availability of someone to cover was VERY tempting. We agreed it would look bad, though, so I was still gonna work, but somehow between the two of us ('cause I honestly can't remember which one of us brought it up again), we took another look, and she compared my hours to the hours of the nurse that was gonna work for me, and decided that, since I had more hours than she did (including a tiny bit of overtime), she would just give the hours to the other nurse.

OH BLESSED RELIEF. I slept for 8+ hours, more than I'd slept in days... woke up, cooked dinner, curled up with the Beastie to finally get around to watching Stardust (we even put away our phones for the duration! *gasp*), and went right back to bed and slept another 5+ hours. GLORIOUS, I tell you.

So, Friday was payday. I was excited 'cause it was supposed to be my first full 40-hour paycheck, but it turns out that it was for the week I was sick a couple of days, so notsomuch. But, I was still able to cash the check and run to the co-op and get some stuff we'd been out of, and splurged on some veggies and a couple of other things (mmmm... coconut butter). Didn't do much other than that, though, 'cause I worked that night, and I didn't wanna tire myself out again.

So, this morning after work, I made my run down to Arthur for milk (also got eggs, cream, and butter... and finally was able to get some cheese!), stopped at a new country store I hadn't tried yet (was hoping they had gallon jars cheap, like Beachys does, since it's more on the way, but none to be seen), then headed back to Champaign.

I'd been wanting to try this place for a while, and I had enough left over from my paycheck to get a couple of things. Finally found the place (it wasn't hard, just took me a while to get the address) and picked up what I'd ordered. I'm totally excited about trying this stuff! Got to meet the guy, his wife, and their 2 beautiful black cats. He also happens to be on the Board of the co-op I linked to above, and is really involved in the local food movement, and is passionate about his products. (Make a few clickys on the hyperlink and go to his blog... some great entries.) So, chatted with him for a while, and came home, finally.

Non sequitur, while I'm thinking about it. The other place I went today was the library, to turn in some DVDs. One of these was the aforementioned Stardust. The other was season three of Beauty and the Beast. This was a show I never watched when it was out... I maybe caught part of one episode, enough to know it was fantasy-based, and had a hulking hot blonde in it. (Normally, I'm not a fan of hulking, but the whole cat-like thing made it work.) ... OK, as I was doing the hyperlink thing, I was reading some of the comments on the board, and they've all been good so far. *blink* OK... if I'd watched it back in the day, maybe. Hell, I'd have probably been totally hooked. (Just so happened this was right about the time I started college, and had to share my tiny TV with roommates... would never have worked out.) But now... egad. OK good, OK fine, I can totally see the appeal of Vincent... I mean, c'mon... hot otherworldly guy who is completely devoted to you, and yet, stays in his own little hidey hole and for the most part, only comes rushing to your aid when you're in danger and need his immediate help, but is totally available to you when you want to hang out at his place... please he can read your mind. What's not to love? And maybe I just should've let myself fall into that fantasy, but, strangely, I've come to ENJOY the hard work of relationships, and not living in a fairy-tale world. Crazy, I know. Plus Catherine just PISSED me off. What was supposed to be passion about her work and helping others came across as whiny to me. As the show progressed, she relied on Vincent more and more to bail her out of trouble, rather than using all those street-fighting skills she was supposedly so exceptional at. And the whole they-never-kissed thing just ANNOYED me. OK, you love him with all your heart, but you won't even kiss him? WTF??? And I was annoyed that she didn't just say fuck it all, I'm gonna ditch my life and live below with you (hey, the relationship was already dysfunctional by any standard of reality), rather than constantly lament about how they could "never be together". When she finally suggested it at the end of season one, I was shocked and impressed, but of course, Vincent had to go and play the martyr again and tell her not to. Of course, when she listened to him and stayed above, he then went and had his own private little temper tantrum in his room. OK, so then... season three. She gets PREGNANT?? They never even kissed (which I figured was another appeal of the show for frigid 80s bitches - all the romance, and no putting out!), and all the sudden she's having his baby?? And then the completely anti-climactic scene where he finally kisses her after he's sat up with her corpse all night. And let's not even discuss the badly resolved plot-lines that shouldn't have been brought up on the first place... although I'm willing to cut 'em some slack on that one, since they might not have had much notice the show was ending, and may have had to scramble on that one. So yeah... the idea, pretty cool in general... the costuming was phenomenal - is this where Steampunk got its start?... and again, Vincent was hot. I won't say it was a waste of time, 'cause I'm glad to have watched it, but... *shakes head* Just damn...

But I digress....

BlckwngdOrcl, being the bestest husband in the whole wide world, helped me carry stuff up the stairs when I got home, and I combined my recently-gotten goodies into a yummy breakfast, during which we watched CNN on the 'quake in South America. *sends energy* Good of them to explain how the rating system works, which helps me understand how an 8+ quake can cause less devastation and loss of life than a 7+ quake. Still sad, though. Today's coffee selection, in our quest to try all the flavored coffees of the roastery, was Jamaican-Me-Crazy. No idea what the flavors were supposed to be... we both rated it about a 7, which means it's not on the buy-again list. (Caramel Kiss, however, IS... OMGtehYUM.) Then, I felt the urge to come in here and write. I'm off work tonight, so I can stay awake with relative impunity, but I gotta tell ya, at about 2:30pm, this is way past my bedtime, people! I'll probably hang out here a little while, then curl up in bed with a book (currently re-reading Anne Rice's stuff) and see if I end up staying awake or falling asleep. Dinner is leftovers on our own, so no pressure to be up at a certain time to cook or anything like that.

So, that's it.

And how are you? :)