A Different Perspective
Feb. 22nd, 2006 11:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsOn more than one occasion, when I've complained about others villifying 
BlckwngdOrcl, they've said that they only know what I tell them. This is true of people who only know me, and don't know him at all, or who know me better than they know him. Which is most people, 'cause, even though he's known people longer, I tend to be the more social of the two of us, and people seem to know me better.
Mea culpa. I do bitch about him, and our situation, a lot.
I kept a journal in high school, part of an assignment given by my 11th grade teacher. It was full of typical teenage angst and bitching about my parents. They found it and read it, and were very hurt. One of the things I said was that I was writing about the things that were glaring in my life, and that I wrote about the bad stuff, 'cause it was glaring, 'cause most of my life was good. I don't know how much of that was true at the time. I mean, it was very true, that's certain, but whether or not I actually believed it in the midst of my teenage angst is questionable. I burned the journal the next morning, and got out of the assignment for the rest of the year because of it.
My point is, there's a whole lot of good in my relationship, in him, that I don't tend to talk about as much. It's not fair, and it gives a poor impression of him, and more importantly, an inaccurate one.
So, I'm going to take this opportunity to tell the other side of that story.
I won't repeat the story of how we met, how we ended up together. Anyone who wants a refresher on that can go here.
What I will talk about is present day, and some past stuff. But mostly present. And I'm not going to qualify any statements. For every bad thing I could say about him, there would be an exception in which he was good. So, for every good thing I'm going to write here, yeah, sure, there will also be times when he wasn't, that doesn't fit the "rule". This post isn't about those exceptions, this post isn't about the times where actions haven't always met words. This post is about why I love him, and why I love our relationship, flaws and all.
There are certainly little things. Like when he stops what he's doing, just to come in and kiss me, or touch me, or otherwise spend a moment with me, even when we're both contentedly doing things alone. Like when he text messages me.
Like on Valentine's Day, when he spent the day with
LuneNoire at the aquarium. That day was hard for me, knowing, first of all, that I wasn't going to have Valentine's Day with him, 'cause of my ultimatum, and that second of all, I *really* wanted to go to the aquarium, and that I really wanted to go to the aquarium with *him*. Anyway, when I got off work that night, he had sent me about 6 pictures from there. I bawled my eyes out to see them, 'cause, even on his day, the day I wasn't part of, he wanted to share that with me. It meant a lot to me.
He waits on me hand and foot, a lot. He knows I'm tired, and he knows I like to be pampered, and he comes into the bedroom and tucks me in just about every night, and puts fuzzy socks on my feet. He brings me water, and food, and all sortsa stuff.
He goes places with me. He puts his hand on the small of my back when I push the grocery cart.
There are a lot more little things - things I'm sure I've grown so accustomed to that I don't even notice them all the time.
But the main thing is... he supports me.
You wouldn't think so, especially in light of my most recent posts. But he's my biggest cheerleader when it comes to my personal growth. Especially in the past few weeks, when I've been struggling to put my focus on myself, rather than him. He's stopped me more than once from putting him first, reminded me at almost every turn when I would fall back into those patterns. He's listened to me and held me while I cried and sobbed uncontrollably, even (especially, maybe) when it was about him. He's dived into that abyss with me, and has given me perspective on my own issues, while looking pretty closely at his own. He's listened, changed his behavior, and handled my truth with more grace and strength than I could have ever hoped for - even when my truth was about him, and wasn't flattering.
He's slowly coming into his own. He's starting to see the shackles that he and I have created around each other and ourselves, and he's working on getting rid of his own, and reminding me to remove mine. He's given objective opinions about topics that have been pretty subjective for him.
He still makes my heart trip, just to see him. He's just THAT physically attractive to me.
He's been vulnerable to me - physically, mentally, and emotionally. He's let me be vulnerable to him in the same ways.
There are a million other things that I can't describe, can't quantify or qualify, but that make living with him and being his wife the greatest joy of my life.
Period.
BlckwngdOrcl, they've said that they only know what I tell them. This is true of people who only know me, and don't know him at all, or who know me better than they know him. Which is most people, 'cause, even though he's known people longer, I tend to be the more social of the two of us, and people seem to know me better.Mea culpa. I do bitch about him, and our situation, a lot.
I kept a journal in high school, part of an assignment given by my 11th grade teacher. It was full of typical teenage angst and bitching about my parents. They found it and read it, and were very hurt. One of the things I said was that I was writing about the things that were glaring in my life, and that I wrote about the bad stuff, 'cause it was glaring, 'cause most of my life was good. I don't know how much of that was true at the time. I mean, it was very true, that's certain, but whether or not I actually believed it in the midst of my teenage angst is questionable. I burned the journal the next morning, and got out of the assignment for the rest of the year because of it.
My point is, there's a whole lot of good in my relationship, in him, that I don't tend to talk about as much. It's not fair, and it gives a poor impression of him, and more importantly, an inaccurate one.
So, I'm going to take this opportunity to tell the other side of that story.
I won't repeat the story of how we met, how we ended up together. Anyone who wants a refresher on that can go here.
What I will talk about is present day, and some past stuff. But mostly present. And I'm not going to qualify any statements. For every bad thing I could say about him, there would be an exception in which he was good. So, for every good thing I'm going to write here, yeah, sure, there will also be times when he wasn't, that doesn't fit the "rule". This post isn't about those exceptions, this post isn't about the times where actions haven't always met words. This post is about why I love him, and why I love our relationship, flaws and all.
There are certainly little things. Like when he stops what he's doing, just to come in and kiss me, or touch me, or otherwise spend a moment with me, even when we're both contentedly doing things alone. Like when he text messages me.
Like on Valentine's Day, when he spent the day with
LuneNoire at the aquarium. That day was hard for me, knowing, first of all, that I wasn't going to have Valentine's Day with him, 'cause of my ultimatum, and that second of all, I *really* wanted to go to the aquarium, and that I really wanted to go to the aquarium with *him*. Anyway, when I got off work that night, he had sent me about 6 pictures from there. I bawled my eyes out to see them, 'cause, even on his day, the day I wasn't part of, he wanted to share that with me. It meant a lot to me.He waits on me hand and foot, a lot. He knows I'm tired, and he knows I like to be pampered, and he comes into the bedroom and tucks me in just about every night, and puts fuzzy socks on my feet. He brings me water, and food, and all sortsa stuff.
He goes places with me. He puts his hand on the small of my back when I push the grocery cart.
There are a lot more little things - things I'm sure I've grown so accustomed to that I don't even notice them all the time.
But the main thing is... he supports me.
You wouldn't think so, especially in light of my most recent posts. But he's my biggest cheerleader when it comes to my personal growth. Especially in the past few weeks, when I've been struggling to put my focus on myself, rather than him. He's stopped me more than once from putting him first, reminded me at almost every turn when I would fall back into those patterns. He's listened to me and held me while I cried and sobbed uncontrollably, even (especially, maybe) when it was about him. He's dived into that abyss with me, and has given me perspective on my own issues, while looking pretty closely at his own. He's listened, changed his behavior, and handled my truth with more grace and strength than I could have ever hoped for - even when my truth was about him, and wasn't flattering.
He's slowly coming into his own. He's starting to see the shackles that he and I have created around each other and ourselves, and he's working on getting rid of his own, and reminding me to remove mine. He's given objective opinions about topics that have been pretty subjective for him.
He still makes my heart trip, just to see him. He's just THAT physically attractive to me.
He's been vulnerable to me - physically, mentally, and emotionally. He's let me be vulnerable to him in the same ways.
There are a million other things that I can't describe, can't quantify or qualify, but that make living with him and being his wife the greatest joy of my life.
Period.
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no subject
Date: 2006-02-23 12:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-23 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-24 04:41 am (UTC)She seemed to want to hear it all--the good and the bad. She got tons of reactions of all sorts and ended up with a bunch of information she could either use or discard. But maybe there was a glimmer there that might make a difference.
I don't think blckwng should feel villified. It was about her side. Her friends read her journal. They will probably be on her side. Of course, he has his side. Who's to bless and who's to blame?
We all are.
There aren't any bad people here. Just two people doing the best they can and loving the best they know how with what they have to offer.
I think they are both great, nice, caring, loving, faulty, wonderful, flawed people--each in their own way--just like the rest of us. They have been lucky enough to find someone who adores them.
Now, they just gotta make it work. :)