Dec. 25th, 2005

bookofmirrors: (Santa)
So, I'm up entirely too early for no good reason. I have stocking hung by the chimney with care. Although, I actually do have a fireplace, complete with mantle, complete with nativity scene. My other Christmas stuff is in storage, put there just a few days ago. Actually, the only reason the nativity scene made it out, was because it was in the box that got all ruined in the mushroom incident, plus I had showed them to [personal profile] lunenoire, who had asked if we could put them up. They are gorgeous. My mother gave it to me, 'cause I'd always loved it. So, fireplace, mantle, nativity scene, no stockings. I keep meaning to buy some, but various searches with [personal profile] blckwngdorcl haven't yielded any we like, and we stopped looking the past couple years. Anyway, I'm not saying this 'cause I'm terribly sad about it (although more on that later). I'm just saying that, as someone who has no reason to get up and rush downstairs to the tree to see what Santa brought, I've got no business being up this early.

This is the first place I've lived in since I moved to Atlanta that has a place where I can put a Christmas tree. The tree, as I mentioned, is in storage. The apartment is still in a shambles (although much LESS of a shambles than a week or two ago), and I just can't see putting something festive amongst all the other shit. When the house is pristine, I'll revel in holiday decorating again. I actually adore it, and will usually decorate, at least in some small way, for all holidays that amuse me. Thankfully, the house will be pristine soon. I'm so looking forward to that. *deep sigh of relief*

This is the second Christmas I've spent away from my parents. The first was two years ago, when [personal profile] blckwngdorcl and I first started the Thanksgiving/Christmas rotation thing, where we'd spend one holiday with one set of parents, the other with the other set of parents, and reverse it for the next year. The first year it happened, I didn't think it would be a big deal. I was working at the Red Cross at the time, and they always had some benign mainstream TV program on for the donors. That morning (near Christmas), it was Regis and Kelly. Now, I don't watch Regis and Kelly, but my mom does. Which means, when I'm there, I watch it, too. So, the program showed Kelly and her kids, dressed in little red footie pajamas, making cookies. Which, incidentally, is same thing they'd had on the show the year before. When I watched it with my parents. I got all teary-eyed at work, and realized how much I actually do miss my parents. That was two years ago, and a bit of a revelation for me. I still regret not being able to see them more often, and I miss being there doubly this time of year. Even though, this year, I had the word passed around for no one to buy me presents, since I can't afford to buy them for anyone else. My parents did, of course. Some Christmas pretties, some new pots/pans, a vacuum cleaner, a candle cooker thing, and a couple of shelves for the bathroom (on backorder). (There might be some other stuff, but I can't recall right now.) But it's not the same as sitting around the tree, ripping paper, laughing with family, etc.. Granted, I have very little in common with my family, and there are things that trip some triggers when I'm there. But the great majority of the time, I very much enjoy being there, visiting. So, yeah, I'm missing Christmas with my family now.

Last night, we had Christmas with [personal profile] blckwngdorcl's family. It was fun. Not having to see them through his eyes, they are good people. I love listening to his father talk. We bought boy/girl gifts, and did the "dirty Santa" thing, where you can pick a gift from the pile or steal it from someone else. The gifts I brought got stolen the most, so I guess we did good. ;) Actually, it was 'cause I kinda cheated. It was only 'cause of where I work that I was able to get those robes for (mostly) within the price limit. The markup on those things is SCARY. [personal profile] blckwngdorcl's parents also got us a gift card. We already know what to spend it on. ;)

So, for today, we have Christmas dinner planned, cooked by the fabulous [personal profile] lunenoire. I'm not sure what we're having. However, I know it'll be fabulous. And, in spite what I said, I'm kinda looking forward to a laid-back Christmas, with just the three of us, that I can spend naked. I'm not sure what I'll do today before/after food. I know [personal profile] lunenoire and [personal profile] blckwngdorcl are gonna go see Brokeback Mountain. I totally wanna go see it, but it's such a perfect date movie for them, there's no way I'm gonna interfere with that. However, [personal profile] lunenoire is planning on taking me to go see Memoirs of a Geisha. I've already read the book (purchased during my last visit to my parents', when I ran out of the reading material I'd taken with me), and even though the ending TOTALLY pissed me off (the ends do NOT justify the means!!!) and I was reeeeeaaaally disappointed when I found out the translator's note at the beginning was part of the fiction (somehow, that just ruined a lot of it for me, especially since I found out on the internet about it, after, taking the preface at its word, I went to look up something from the book), I still think it'll be a good movie to see, and definitely visually stunning.

I may do some posts today, I have some erotic fiction that I need to finish, some writeups of exploits, maybe some chatting... I might also work on the house a little. I work with my client (who's sick) tonight. Work is closed tomorrow, so I have that off, too. Serendipity's party is tomorrow. I go back and forth between looking forward to it, and just not being in a party mood at ALL, and not wanting to leave the house.

Anyway, I'm both relaxed and somewhat melancholy that I don't have to really deal with the holidays much today. Even so, I'm surrounded by those I love (OK, maybe just sandwiched), and my kittens, and I have a lot to be thankful for.

Happy secular or religious winter holiday of your choice, everyone!
bookofmirrors: (Libra Bodypainting)
So, shortly after my last entry, I went back to bed, and went back to sleep. I had a dream where I was apparently in a race of some sort (against time, it would seem, a la Smokey and the Bandit), and I had a Herbie-car to do it in. Yeah, I thought it was weird, too.

Anyway, I woke up in a much better mood. Still pretty mellow, but otherwise good and cheerful and such. [personal profile] blckwngdorcl and [personal profile] lunenoire, however, woke up feeling respectively depressed and restless. So, I've kicked both their asses out in favor of Dr. No's and/or movies. The consensus was King Kong, and off they went. They were both already feeling a little better when they left, so I figure mission accomplished.

So, I'm here in the house, alone with the cats for Christmas. And I'm strangely OK with that. I mean, yeah, there's a bit of "but that's not how it's supposed to be" going on in my head, but I'm pretty sure that this is society talking and not myself. The only thing I'm wondering is why the hell I offered to clean the kitchen while they were gone. Y'know, other than [personal profile] lunenoire did all this fabulous cooking, and it's only right I clean the kitchen. :)

So, I have a post tumbling around in my head, subsequent to a conversation I had a while back. It's one of those deep ones, so I'm hoping I get to it today. I'm kinda in that mood. :)

Other than that, I have very little agenda (well, still have delusions of working on the house, but probably won't) until this evening, when I go to my client's... so... overall, life is good. :)

(Oh, and check out the new icon... how cool is that?)

Karma

Dec. 25th, 2005 02:56 pm
bookofmirrors: (Thoughtful)
I was having a talk a while back with a friend of mine, and it brought up some stuff.

I think any longtime reader of this LJ will know that I don't believe in karma, at least not in the way that most of the world does. I don't believe in universal retribution for "bad" deeds. I think it's hubris of humans to decide what they think "bad" and "good" are. Do I think what comes around goes around? Kinda. But not the way most people do. I think karma is based on your conscience. If you feel guilty for it, you'll send that sort of energy out into the universe, and the universe will reflect your own energy back at you. So, if you feel guilt over something, you'll punish yourself, usually in subtle ways that you probably won't connect to the original "crime". But I truly think people, even if they've done what I (or anyone else) might feel is something heinous, won't get "punishment" if they don't feel guilty about it. Also, keep in mind what I said about "good" and "bad". I thought it was VERY bad for the chick at Fox Center to orchestrate my not being able to go back to school while working there (at least in a way acceptable to me). I thought she was a total conniving bitch. And maybe she was. But that "bad" thing she did also resulted in my moving to Atlanta. Fig dating Jessica was also a factor in that. "Bad"? Sure, in my opinion. But, again, it resulted in Atlanta, which resulted in [personal profile] blckwngdorcl. It resulted in some "bad" things, too. But he makes it all worth it. And there have been plenty of other good things, too.

But, I think in my adamance to say that I don't believe in karma like others do, I've shortened it, in my speech, to "I don't believe in karma". Unfortunately, it got shortened in my head, too. So, I lost sight of the ways in which I *do* believe in karma. I think that has had some really bad results.

Hit by the Karma Fairy )

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