Randomness, 'Cause I'm Just on a Posting Roll

I wish I had a computer chair that I could turn around and straddle the back of it... right now, the current position I'm sitting in is uncomfortable, and I know sitting that way would help. Oh, well. Sucks to be me.

I finally got back on to ajcjobs.com, which is cool. Put in many resumes. I've been getting very few bites lately, which means there probably isn't as much of a nursing shortage lately. I just need a couple more part-time jobs so I can have a guaranteed amount of hours. Not knowing how many hours I'm going to get at any given time isn't doing well for the bank account, the bills, or the stress level. I'll probably go back in later, and broaden my search to managerial stuff and low-level tech stuff. Must keep all options open.

Most of my posts are made with a cat lying across my arms. This is sweet, endearing, and makes it horribly difficult to type. Ditto for when the cat decides to lie across the mouse, or any other "convenient" spot. Moving the cat is, of course, a last resort, because my kittens are ridiculously spoiled perfect and can do no wrong.

Have I mentioned that I'm allergic to cats?

Cash-to-payday loans are illegal in the state of Georgia, as of May 1. I found this out the hard way, in my (failed) attempt to not have to call my father again. *sigh*

I can't verify my PayPal account until Tuesday, 'cause the little deposits they do aren't going to show up until then.

Oh! I know what I wanna do...

New post forthcoming.... :)

GRRR!

Oh, I am SOOOO pissed... I hit something that closed all my browser windows, including the long-ass post I was in the middle of... dammit.

Bunny Trails

OK, not sure I want to start the long-ass post again. It wasn't anything deep, but it WAS very long, and I was past the half-way point, I think, and just not sure I want to go there again, at least not tonight.

At any rate, as a bunny trail during that post, I ended up scoping out the website for The Pyramid Collection, which didn't have what I was looking for (to illustrate something I referred to in my post), but did have a plaque with the following quote, which I thought was pretty cool:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Just felt I had to share that. :)

By the way, it would seem that hitting "enter" in the advanced search/exact phrase window of Google, rather than hitting the button with the mouse/cursor, will consistently close all your browser windows. How fucking annoying.

Anyway, I'm off exploring the web now that I've been distracted. ;)

Polyamory Questions

I ganked these questions from feygirl a while back, but never got around to answering them. However, one of my posts yesterday seems to have fostered the most delightful debate on the subject, so I'm sorta in that mindframe now, so I thought I'd post these now.


Do you have a relationship structure?
Not really sure what this particular question is asking. I'm married, with an open relationship, which I actually tend not to call polyamory (except that it's a convenient word that most people are familiar with) because I find it hard sometimes to connect emotionally to someone other than my husband. This is something I'm working on.

If you're married, what are some of the boundaries you have set up concerning other loves?
Well, the first rule is always safe/sane/consensual. Condoms are a must. We haven't really discussed dental dams. We each have to approve the other's lovers. We do this for a couple of reasons. We're both fairly intuitive people, and we're both intelligent. We both realize that in states of infatuation or pure horniness, we might not make the best choices for ourselves. We help each other to make sure that we're not jumping rashly into something, or "thinking with our dicks". This "forces" us to be friends with the people we're with, because you can't make that sort of informed consent without it. Which is a good thing. Both of us tend to be more attracted to people we're close to on a personal level, anyway. If I'm in a BDSM scene, blckwngdorcl insists that I use a safe word. If it's someone who's not already on the "OK" list, the rule is kissing, and over-the-clothing, above-the-waist groping. Of course, this can be modified for situations where we're already naked for whatever reason. cybersex of any kind, with anyone is OK. And our marriage comes first, always.

How do you handle living w/ your spouse, and having other lovers over, or spending the night elsewhere?
It just basically depends on scheduling and such. Unfortunately, our living situation doesn't really lend itself to having people over. This is mostly due to a rule I forgot to mention, which is that blckwngdorcl doesn't like our bed to be used by anyone but us. (Actually, I think he's modified that, but I don't remember what the verdict on it was...) We don't have a spare room, and trying to schedule time alone in a household of 5, one with no car, no job, is damn near impossible. So, generally, all playing is done elsewhere. So far, there hasn't been an issue with this that I'm aware of. In our dream house in our head, we have a fully-stocked "playroom" with a huge fucking bed (pun intended) and various toys and other comforts, as well as a fully stocked dungeon, with a secret entrance and everything.

Do you have things set up so that you can veto people?
I basically answered that already. Obviously, if one of us felt strongly enough to veto someone, there'd be a long discussion about it.

Do you have primary and secondary and maybe even tertiary labels?
Not really. I mean, I'll refer to blckwngdorcl as my primary, but that's mostly because it's a commonly understood term in the community, not because I really think of him that way. I don't have "levels" of lovers.

Do you get emotionally attached to other lovers, or do you only have sex with others and leave the emotions to the primary or the spouse?
In the past, I think I left the emotions with my husband, and thought of the sex merely as an extension of friendship, separate but equal, for instance, to going out for coffee with someone. Of course, that's more a safety net for me, because it's almost impossible to have sex with someone and not have a different level of feeling for them going out than you did coming in. I think I used that as a defense mechanism, to not let anyone get too close to me. I'm trying to remedy that, and find that connection, because it's a horrible thing to be closed off to love of any kind. I want to be open about it. blckwngdorcl and I talked about this once, and he said that he actually prefers me to have an emotional/romantic attachment to other lovers, because he feels that, if I can have sex with someone I don't love, what does that say about when I have sex with him? And he's got a point.

While We're on the Subject

This was on tbrents' journal a while back, and I think it illustrates polyamory and its challenges very well.

( Warm Fuzzies )

Various Cleanups

These are things I have had saved for a while to answer. I'm just in such a lovely mood to post, and I feel happier and more energetic today than I have in weeks! :) :) :)

1) Imagine for a while that you believe in God. Perhaps not too strictly, but you do believe. It gives you security, in a way, and a means to somehow make sense of things. One part of your beliefs is that after death you will get to heaven and spend eternity there. Now imagine that science has found a way to make man immortal, by gene therapy or something. It's without risk, it's even quite cheap, and many agnostics and atheists without any qualms already have decided themselves for the immortalizing therapy. Now, would you decide yourself for the therapy as well? Or would you accept death like when you had to accept it when there was still no therapy available? What are the reasons for your decision? How do you feel about it all?

Hmmmmm... this is interesting. If I had to completely give up my right to die (and I do believe that it IS a right), I don't think I would do it. I'd want to be able to do what I could do in my lifetime, and go up and earn my just reward, as it were. ;) (Of course, I believe in reincarnation, and that's my preference, but this question doesn't really allow for it.) But yeah, people need their rest.

However, if I could take the therapy, and there were an option to later stop the therapy and die, or there were a means to kill a person with this therapy that I could choose to implement when I felt I had done what I set out to do with my life, then I would do it in a heartbeat. I think all of us feel the pressure of impending death to some degree or another, and sometimes it's hard to relax and just BE because of it. There always seems like there's a deadline (no pun intended) that we have to beat, something more we have to accomplish, before we can't accomplish any more. There are so many things I'd like to accomplish before I die, and to have unlimited time to do that... would be a dream come true. Think Highlander. One could live so many lives, do so many things, and LEARN so much. Wow.

I would, however, have a few questions about it. For instance, do you remain the same age as you are when you take the therapy? For instance, if I were old, and feeling the effects of that age, I wouldn't want to saddle myself with an eternity of arthritis and age spots. Also, if I were in poor health to begin with, I wouldn't want to continue a long life of cancer or fibromyalgia. (No offense intended to those who do.) Certainly, I have obesity, but that's fixable, and I'd have even longer to do it. Woo hoo! ;) At any rate, I can't 100% be sure I'd do it, but if the formula took me to a state of ideal (arbitrarily set, by me) age and health, and then from there I'd get to be immortal, until I chose to die.

Hell yes. Sign me up.

2) Imagine that science would come up with a pill that guarantees inner peace and happiness regardless of your situation in life. Simply a feel-well pill that heals all anxiety, fear, unhappiness and despair. Would you take this pill? Again, please give some reasons for your choice.

Oh, wow. That's tempting, isn't it? Sounds so lovely. And maybe, if that were absolutely true, I might consider it. But science is already proclaiming this. Take enough pills, and you'll be happy. We can cure your depression and make you a happier, more well-adjusted member of society with this pill. And maybe this one. And this one, too. Are you feeling better yet? Well, try this one. I HATE this tendency of the medical, psychiatric, and psychological community in general. I can't express how much. This concept of fixing yourself with a pill is so demeaning to people, in my opinion. Disclaimer I am NOT trying to say that people who go this route are bad or lazy in any way. What I'm saying is that society encourages people to stifle themselves. People don't want you to be too sad (that's clinical depression - we have a pill for that), too happy (mania - pill for that, too), too labile (bi-polar/manic-depressive - lots of pills for that), too imaginative (schizophrenia - try this pill), too restless (ADD/ADHD - lookie! Ritalin!), or too ANYTHING. They want people to fit inside an easily controllable box, an easily controllable paradigm, with no surprises that might create havoc in the sterile society that they've created. Certainly, you shouldn't be thinking, or expressing yourself. Who the hell do you think you ARE???

Sure, some feelings lead to behaviors which aren't the most loving. Anger can lead to murder, depression to suicide, intelligence/restlessness to revolution. (Well, maybe that last one isn't such a bad thing - but the establishment would say otherwise.) But STIFLING them, MASKING them... with pills, ECT (electro-convulsive therapy), or other means. This is a CRIME against humanity, in my opinion. Yes, there ARE things that actually REQUIRE medication. There are times when the situation is at a crisis level, and medications are needed to subdue the feelings so that someone doesn't hurt themselves or someone else while they work on digging deep to the core of themselves and LETTING THE FEELINGS OUT, rather than supressing them. I understand that. But that's not what our society promotes. I've heard people promote this, but I rarely see it in practice. Feelings are given lip service, and chemicals are the concrete reality most people live with. ARGH. This just makes me CRAZY. But I'll be damned if I let some "professional" tell me that this type of craziness can be fixed with a pill. My craziness, and the craziness of most people I see, is the result of life experiences, the feelings surrounding which have been repressed because it's not OK, to feel, to be too angry, to be too depressed. Society really WANTS a bunch of Stepford Wives.

Grrrrr.... Did I mention you probably shouldn't get me started on this subject?

Cleanups, Part Two

OK, got a little emotional in the last post (and there's NOTHING wrong with that, I might add!), so I decided to make this more benign questionnaire into a separate post. :)

( Cut for length )

From paganbear

AMERICA CAN ONLY BE FREE IF EVERYONE IS EQUALLY FREE

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