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BlogSpot Entry
Jul. 21st, 2002 10:52 amSunday, July 21, 2002
KLA22AtWork (1:59:34 AM): You online yet?
Auto response from BlckwngdOrcl (1:59:35 AM): Now, who put this rabbit hole here...?
KLA22AtWork (2:08:27 AM): Are you talking to me?
KLA22AtWork (2:09:17 AM): Well, guess so... but I don't think you're online here... which is a pity, 'cause I really wanted to type at you...
KLA22AtWork (2:10:30 AM): I'm really sorry... I know I was being a bitch earlier... and being tired may or may not be a legitimate excuse...
KLA22AtWork (2:12:53 AM): But one of the things I've always loved about you is you didn't put up with my shit... and when you started to cave in and take me home, not only did I feel like shit for trying to manipulate you like that (and I was), but I also felt bad that you hadn't told me to go to hell... I think that when I whine like that, part of me is testing you, to see if you'll cave... and I really don't want you to cave...
KLA22AtWork (2:14:25 AM): And I'm sorry I'm testing you... I don't think I realized I was doing it consciously... But I really don't want you to fail my tests, and I really don't want to be miserable knowing that I'm giving them to begin with... That's why I would have rather come here than have you take me home...
KLA22AtWork (2:15:35 AM): I don't even think any of these are going through, 'cause DHCP is being such a bitch... They're probably going home, and probably only half of them are getting through... this isn't going to make any sense to you...
KLA22AtWork (2:18:16 AM): If something is really important to me, like sleeping tonight, I'll either be able to tell you so calmly and rationally why, or it'll be some weird reason that's based on intuition, and I won't be able to explain it... but I'd be able to tell you that I can't explain it... at any rate, it shouldn't be all that hard to tell when I really don't want to go with what you choose... if I wasn't willing to do either, I wouldn't have given you a choice at all... and, frankly, if I give you a choice, and don't like the one you make, then that's what I get
KLA22AtWork (2:24:09 AM): When it comes down to it, I don't like the decision you made... But I gave you the choice... I gave it to you hoping that you'd make a different one, maybe even wishing you'd consider what this schedule would mean to my sleeping schedule... and maybe I resent that I don't think you did consider that at all... Maybe I felt disregarded that way... I think I just wanted you to see it, or at least be willing to see it, from my perspective... And I couldn't tell that you were doing that... Maybe that's why I was "keeping score" in the car... All I really wanted you to know is that doing this for you IS a sacrifice for me... a sacrifice I make because I love you, and because I have a loyalty to Chip, and this job... But it's a sacrifice that I'd like to be appreciated... no fanfare, no drama... just some simple, heartfelt appreciation
KLA22AtWork (2:28:38 AM): This song always makes me think of you... I really wish you'd sign on... maybe you haven't thought of it... or maybe you're listening, and just don't feel like answering... or maybe you're ignoring me... I don't suppose it matters...
KLA22AtWork (2:31:14 AM): I just know I love you, and giving of yourself is just something you do for someone you love... I guess I just feel today like I'm doing the giving... and I look back and think of lots of times where you've done the sacrificing, and that doesn't seem fair, either... and I'm sorry... I don't know what the score is... I don't think either of us do, and I'm not sure either of us care... the only reason I was caring before was because I was tired, and wanted my way, and was trying to use leverage, and because I just plain wasn't thinking clearly... I'm sorry
KLA22AtWork (3:08:41 AM): Anyway, you're obviously not reading this, either on purpose or 'cause you're not online... I'm gonna post the whole thing to my blog...
KLA22AtWork (1:59:34 AM): You online yet?
Auto response from BlckwngdOrcl (1:59:35 AM): Now, who put this rabbit hole here...?
KLA22AtWork (2:08:27 AM): Are you talking to me?
KLA22AtWork (2:09:17 AM): Well, guess so... but I don't think you're online here... which is a pity, 'cause I really wanted to type at you...
KLA22AtWork (2:10:30 AM): I'm really sorry... I know I was being a bitch earlier... and being tired may or may not be a legitimate excuse...
KLA22AtWork (2:12:53 AM): But one of the things I've always loved about you is you didn't put up with my shit... and when you started to cave in and take me home, not only did I feel like shit for trying to manipulate you like that (and I was), but I also felt bad that you hadn't told me to go to hell... I think that when I whine like that, part of me is testing you, to see if you'll cave... and I really don't want you to cave...
KLA22AtWork (2:14:25 AM): And I'm sorry I'm testing you... I don't think I realized I was doing it consciously... But I really don't want you to fail my tests, and I really don't want to be miserable knowing that I'm giving them to begin with... That's why I would have rather come here than have you take me home...
KLA22AtWork (2:15:35 AM): I don't even think any of these are going through, 'cause DHCP is being such a bitch... They're probably going home, and probably only half of them are getting through... this isn't going to make any sense to you...
KLA22AtWork (2:18:16 AM): If something is really important to me, like sleeping tonight, I'll either be able to tell you so calmly and rationally why, or it'll be some weird reason that's based on intuition, and I won't be able to explain it... but I'd be able to tell you that I can't explain it... at any rate, it shouldn't be all that hard to tell when I really don't want to go with what you choose... if I wasn't willing to do either, I wouldn't have given you a choice at all... and, frankly, if I give you a choice, and don't like the one you make, then that's what I get
KLA22AtWork (2:24:09 AM): When it comes down to it, I don't like the decision you made... But I gave you the choice... I gave it to you hoping that you'd make a different one, maybe even wishing you'd consider what this schedule would mean to my sleeping schedule... and maybe I resent that I don't think you did consider that at all... Maybe I felt disregarded that way... I think I just wanted you to see it, or at least be willing to see it, from my perspective... And I couldn't tell that you were doing that... Maybe that's why I was "keeping score" in the car... All I really wanted you to know is that doing this for you IS a sacrifice for me... a sacrifice I make because I love you, and because I have a loyalty to Chip, and this job... But it's a sacrifice that I'd like to be appreciated... no fanfare, no drama... just some simple, heartfelt appreciation
KLA22AtWork (2:28:38 AM): This song always makes me think of you... I really wish you'd sign on... maybe you haven't thought of it... or maybe you're listening, and just don't feel like answering... or maybe you're ignoring me... I don't suppose it matters...
KLA22AtWork (2:31:14 AM): I just know I love you, and giving of yourself is just something you do for someone you love... I guess I just feel today like I'm doing the giving... and I look back and think of lots of times where you've done the sacrificing, and that doesn't seem fair, either... and I'm sorry... I don't know what the score is... I don't think either of us do, and I'm not sure either of us care... the only reason I was caring before was because I was tired, and wanted my way, and was trying to use leverage, and because I just plain wasn't thinking clearly... I'm sorry
KLA22AtWork (3:08:41 AM): Anyway, you're obviously not reading this, either on purpose or 'cause you're not online... I'm gonna post the whole thing to my blog...
