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Random Musings in the Middle of the Night
Oct. 10th, 2008 02:23 pm(POSTED LATE, DUE TO INTERNET PROBLEMS)
OK... so, tomorrow night, I work my first midnight shift (7p-7a) in like, 4 years. Working with David at nights, I just haven't been able to take night shifts, but I've been desperate for work, and they happen to be going to their lake house this weekend, and Kathleen told me that if they decided not to go, she'd just do it herself. So, way cool, and lots more money.
Anyway, I drank lots of coffee before I went to David's tonight, in hopes that I would be wide awake into the wee hours of morning, and sleep lots tomorrow, and maybe night shift wouldn't be such a shock to my system. It's not unusual for me to be up this late, but my eyes are tired, so I'm not sure how well this is working. Also, my allergies are KICKING MY ASS, and even the neti pot isn't really helping, so the whole breathing thing isn't really my friend right now. I've taken appropriate drugs. I hope they kick in soon.
OK, so here's the kicker. Turns out this "new client" I'm seeing tomorrow (er, today) isn't actually new to me. I've actually worked with him before, through another company. It was a while back, and they were truly desperate to have called me, since I'm technically not on their active list, and he's way far away, but it was really good money, and it was just for 2 days over a weekend. I didn't go back, 'cause that's when I was working 60 hours a week, and to work those 2 extra 12-hour shifts just KILLED me. Anyway, I remember this guy as being on the cranky side, which may or may not be related to the fact that he reported being in a LOT of pain. He apparently had had this pain control system before, that he no longer had, something surgically implanted, but they had to take it out (routine? outlived its lifespan? no idea...), and he wanted it back. He mentioned the drug involved, and (to the best of my knowledge) it was a non-habit-forming drug, but for some reason, there was some delay (if not outright contraindication) about getting a new one. I called him earlier, and we confirmed that yes, he was the one I knew from before, and he actually sounded kinda cheerful when I talked to him, so maybe he got it back, or something else that worked. I'm crossing my fingers. The other downside (which won't be so obvious with me working nights) was that, when I took him to church on Sunday morning last time, it was clear very fast that I had crossed into the Twilight Zone... OMGscaryChristianFundies. Creationism and some very interesting comments on the place of women and all that. I wish I could remember quotes. I know I wanted to write a few things down, just for the sheer ...well, I'm trying to be nice here. But yeah. If they knew a gin-u-wine witch was in their midst, I'm not sure they would have suffered me to live. Since the subject never came up, however, we went out to lunch with the pastor and his wife. There are times when being a Libra with Mercury (albeit retrograde) in Libra serves me veeeeery well. *eg*
Oh, and he has a pony. :) (And, to be sure, he does have a generous streak.**)
On the job front, there's a possibility of more shifts with ParaQuad after these this weekend, although with a different client. I also finished orientation with Maxim Homecare today, and (after finding out they had a separate division) then went over and applied for Maxim Staffing. The homecare division staffs for just that... the staffing division staffs for hospitals, clinics, and the like. I asked if Emory was one of them, and was told it was, and when the guy I talked to told me that they didn't really have any shifts right now, I told him that was OK, since I had other options, and I really was just looking to get in the back door at Emory. He said he appreciated my candor and would let me know if something came up. :) I still need to fax over my paperwork for CareMasters, so they can update my records, re-activate me, and give me shifts. I technically now have 4 jobs, 5 if you count that Pam is having me do some marketing stuff for her in my spare time to offset the cost of Core classes. And still nothing even close to amounting to full time. How fucked up is that?
Oh! Also on that front, on my way home, I stopped at the apartment leasing office to see if a package had come for me yet (my dad had told me to look out for one), and got to chatting with the manager there, who told me that the company was expanding (apparently, the current economic crisis is actually helping them) and suggested I send in my resume'. After looking at their website, I sent in the Beastie's, too. Sweet-ass pay. Would happily do that.
On the school front, my Googling has yielded only one online option (well, 2, but I don't like the "feel" of the other one) for LPN-to-RN schooling. (Actually, it's LPN-to-BSN, which is even better.) I have a meeting with the rep next week, but I've at least already verified that it's accredited, at least in Georgia, Illinois, and Indiana. We'll see if it's a viable option. My Google-fu must have failed me on the brick-and-mortar stuff, though, 'cause I only found Emory and GSU, and I've been told about several other programs in the meantime. I'll look into those if the online thing doesn't work, and if Emory doesn't hire me.
Let's see...
Y'know... I feel kinda bad. My LJ used to be a place where I would write (what I believed to be) some really deep, introspective stuff. Ever since that incident with my parents, though, it hasn't felt "safe" to do so. I have my "secret" journal, but usually what happens is that I write something here, usually of the type of drivel you're seeing now, and then I'm not in the mood to talk about the deep shit anymore. I feel like I've lost something through this whole process, and I don't like it. I don't post much, in either journal, but I have lots of posts in my head, and they just don't see the light of day. My Core analysis of the candidates was probably the closest I've come in a long time, and that wasn't really introspective or deep. More like a PSA, if you're interested in the character of the candidates you vote for, through the very limited filter I used.
I miss that introspective part of myself. It's still there. It comes out with
BlckwngdOrcl, and in therapy. It's certainly rolling around in my head. But I just don't write about it anymore. Whether or not that will change, I don't know. I do know that, once I start working full-time hours again, my participation, either reading or writing, in LJ will decline sharply again. I'm writing a bit more in Twitter, 'cause it's quick and easy, but definitely not deep.
Oh, and by the way... Yes, I have a FaceBook, and yes, I've added lots of you (if I know about your FaceBook), and yes, I appreciate all the Hugs and videos, and Starbucks things and challenges to do thisthatortheother... it's just that I have no interest in signing up for the programs that would allow me to accept them, and/or give out some of my own. Like all the other non-LJ web presences I have, FaceBook is just a placeholder. I suppose it would help if I put my old name on it, so people who knew me back before 2002 could actually find me, but oh well. I do have my old name on my Classmates profile.
Bheansidhe (sorry, couldn't remember what icon you wanted to be!) is the devil, though. She inspired me to go searching for people from my high school... and even though I only ran across one, it happens to be a guy I always kinda had a crush on, and still remember very fondly making out with outside the movie theater/arcade one night when I was visiting my hometown after having moved to South Carolina. He was married to another of my classmates last I knew, but I'd like to re-connect with him, at any rate, regardless of the nature of the connection. He was pretty cool. (He added me back, and he is still married to the same mutual friend, and I found other people from high school to add!**)
le sigh... Another reason I don't spend as much time on the computer as I used to is that my tailbone bugs me, and it hurts to sit for any length of time. Also, especially when I'm typing around the cat(s) sprawled over my arms (as I am right now), it puts me in what eventually becomes a painful position. So it's not so pleasant to sit and type, and it certainly doesn't put me in an introspective mood. I also need a new office chair, 'cause the back finally fell off mine. If you even have to ask why I don't just move the cats... well, you should probably just give up. If it's just not patently obvious that you don't disturb the comfortable kittens, I don't think it can ever be explained to you. :)
I'll be 40 soon. I'm putting off the actual panic until the day finally hits (tickticktick), but I'm pretty sure I'm freaking out about this. Perhaps more on that later. Perhaps I'll just go hide under a rock. 30 bothered me for all of about 5 minutes, but... Jesus... 40 is *grown up*. And I don't think I am yet... Fuckityfuck.
Something kindasorta thoughtful, but not particularly personally introspective - There's been a lot of talk about the economy and whatnot, and a decent amount of discussion in other LJs (*cough*
GaeasSon *cough*) about the pros and cons of various economic philosophies - the two ends of that spectrum being Socialism and Ayn Rand's philosophy (Objectivism**), which I would look up the name of if my internet weren't going all to hell in a handbasket right now. Anyway, here's my thoughts on this...
I've read Animal Farm. I've read Atlas Shrugged. Honestly, even though they're at odds, both look like pretty good systems.
On paper.
Socialism assumes in the good nature of all mankind, to want to share and share alike with one's fellow human, and everyone will all get along. It assumes that, because everyone is feeling all happy and cared for, that everyone will naturally work towards their highest potential, just because they can, and because mankind enjoys achievement for its own sake, and also enjoys sharing. What it doesn't take in account is (wo)man's competitive nature, the idea that competition often brings out, rather than stifles the natural inclination to succeed at one's chosen profession. It assumes that one is working in one's chosen profession, rather than just in an assigned job that someone could care less about. It assumes a lot of things about the nature of man... a lot of things that, honestly, I believe in... at least in the POTENTIAL of them. But, sadly, we're just not there yet, and I can't see us being there for a very long time. In practice, Socialism devolves into what was seen in the USSR, where some pigs were more equal than others, and it just got worse from there.
Ayn Rand's philosophy (Objectivism**) also makes a lot of assumptions. In many ways, it's more realistic than Socialism, because it takes into account that there are different kinds of people out there, and that there will always be those who have an inner drive to succeed, and those who prefer to be slackers. But, again, it assumes that those with the inner drive to succeed are also on a moral high ground, where they'll work to improve themselves just because it pleases them to do so. Yeah, they make the money, and they feel (rightly) that they deserve it, and that others have the same opportunity to do the same thing if that's their drive, and that those who don't reap the benefits (or lack thereof) of their effort. But it doesn't take into account the corruption of some of those with that drive. It doesn't take into account that some people got to the top not because they were letting their little light shine, but because they cheated their way there. It doesn't take into account a system that actively strives to make it difficult for people to cross class (or race, or gender, or what have you) barriers. It doesn't take into account the greed of the people who've made it to the top, especially those that didn't deserve to be there in the first place. In practice (andGaeasSon will, and has mentioned that it's never actually been in practice, although technically, one could say the same about Socialism, for pretty much the same reasons), you end up with some facsimile of what we're seeing now.
Personally, I'd be happy with either system, as it looks on paper. But, for either scenario, we just haven't evolved that much yet. More's the pity.
Another thought... Socialized Medicine.
I'm actually in favor of this. It's only in a culture where our populations have grown so large that there's even a question of whether or not people have the "right" to healthcare or not. Back when we lived in small villages and there were healers, there was no question of whether or not someone "deserved" healthcare. The healers were taken care of, and it didn't matter where the "money" came from. They were taken care of, and in turn, they took care of those who needed it. Of course, that's simplistic, and no longer applies to our culture. Maybe it could, but the radical shift it would take to change that system... well, I'm sure I don't have to spell that out. Anyway, yes, I think it's a right. Feel free to argue this, but I think this is one of those fundamental things that people either believe or they don't.
That being said...
I don't hear good things about socialized medicine in other countries, as far as efficiency and whatnot goes. It seems to be just about as much trouble as it's worth. What I'd LIKE to see is some consortium get together, preferably an international one, with people who've been-there-done-that as well as people who are new to the concept, and do the same thing the experts that came up with the FairTax did - come up with something that actually has a chance of WORKING. I think it's possible. Do I have any idea what it would look like, or do I have any suggestions on it? No... not my forte, sorry. But I think there are people who WOULD be outstanding, and I wish they'd get on it, so America (and anyone else interested) could benefit. I don't really wanna see some half-assed system pushed through just so we can say we finally got around to providing healthcare for all our citizens. But, then again (how to pay for it aside, mind you), it would probably be a step in the better direction.
*glances at clock* I'm pretty close to being where I wanted to be, as far as how late I wanted to stay up. This post might have to wait until morning, 'cause my internet still seems to be wonky as fuck (this seems to happen every night, actually), so I'm not sure this will actually post if I hit the button.
Anyway, I'm gonna surf around a bit, then get to sleep.
Night all.
**Morning I-can-now-has-internetz edit.
OK... so, tomorrow night, I work my first midnight shift (7p-7a) in like, 4 years. Working with David at nights, I just haven't been able to take night shifts, but I've been desperate for work, and they happen to be going to their lake house this weekend, and Kathleen told me that if they decided not to go, she'd just do it herself. So, way cool, and lots more money.
Anyway, I drank lots of coffee before I went to David's tonight, in hopes that I would be wide awake into the wee hours of morning, and sleep lots tomorrow, and maybe night shift wouldn't be such a shock to my system. It's not unusual for me to be up this late, but my eyes are tired, so I'm not sure how well this is working. Also, my allergies are KICKING MY ASS, and even the neti pot isn't really helping, so the whole breathing thing isn't really my friend right now. I've taken appropriate drugs. I hope they kick in soon.
OK, so here's the kicker. Turns out this "new client" I'm seeing tomorrow (er, today) isn't actually new to me. I've actually worked with him before, through another company. It was a while back, and they were truly desperate to have called me, since I'm technically not on their active list, and he's way far away, but it was really good money, and it was just for 2 days over a weekend. I didn't go back, 'cause that's when I was working 60 hours a week, and to work those 2 extra 12-hour shifts just KILLED me. Anyway, I remember this guy as being on the cranky side, which may or may not be related to the fact that he reported being in a LOT of pain. He apparently had had this pain control system before, that he no longer had, something surgically implanted, but they had to take it out (routine? outlived its lifespan? no idea...), and he wanted it back. He mentioned the drug involved, and (to the best of my knowledge) it was a non-habit-forming drug, but for some reason, there was some delay (if not outright contraindication) about getting a new one. I called him earlier, and we confirmed that yes, he was the one I knew from before, and he actually sounded kinda cheerful when I talked to him, so maybe he got it back, or something else that worked. I'm crossing my fingers. The other downside (which won't be so obvious with me working nights) was that, when I took him to church on Sunday morning last time, it was clear very fast that I had crossed into the Twilight Zone... OMGscaryChristianFundies. Creationism and some very interesting comments on the place of women and all that. I wish I could remember quotes. I know I wanted to write a few things down, just for the sheer ...well, I'm trying to be nice here. But yeah. If they knew a gin-u-wine witch was in their midst, I'm not sure they would have suffered me to live. Since the subject never came up, however, we went out to lunch with the pastor and his wife. There are times when being a Libra with Mercury (albeit retrograde) in Libra serves me veeeeery well. *eg*
Oh, and he has a pony. :) (And, to be sure, he does have a generous streak.**)
On the job front, there's a possibility of more shifts with ParaQuad after these this weekend, although with a different client. I also finished orientation with Maxim Homecare today, and (after finding out they had a separate division) then went over and applied for Maxim Staffing. The homecare division staffs for just that... the staffing division staffs for hospitals, clinics, and the like. I asked if Emory was one of them, and was told it was, and when the guy I talked to told me that they didn't really have any shifts right now, I told him that was OK, since I had other options, and I really was just looking to get in the back door at Emory. He said he appreciated my candor and would let me know if something came up. :) I still need to fax over my paperwork for CareMasters, so they can update my records, re-activate me, and give me shifts. I technically now have 4 jobs, 5 if you count that Pam is having me do some marketing stuff for her in my spare time to offset the cost of Core classes. And still nothing even close to amounting to full time. How fucked up is that?
Oh! Also on that front, on my way home, I stopped at the apartment leasing office to see if a package had come for me yet (my dad had told me to look out for one), and got to chatting with the manager there, who told me that the company was expanding (apparently, the current economic crisis is actually helping them) and suggested I send in my resume'. After looking at their website, I sent in the Beastie's, too. Sweet-ass pay. Would happily do that.
On the school front, my Googling has yielded only one online option (well, 2, but I don't like the "feel" of the other one) for LPN-to-RN schooling. (Actually, it's LPN-to-BSN, which is even better.) I have a meeting with the rep next week, but I've at least already verified that it's accredited, at least in Georgia, Illinois, and Indiana. We'll see if it's a viable option. My Google-fu must have failed me on the brick-and-mortar stuff, though, 'cause I only found Emory and GSU, and I've been told about several other programs in the meantime. I'll look into those if the online thing doesn't work, and if Emory doesn't hire me.
Let's see...
Y'know... I feel kinda bad. My LJ used to be a place where I would write (what I believed to be) some really deep, introspective stuff. Ever since that incident with my parents, though, it hasn't felt "safe" to do so. I have my "secret" journal, but usually what happens is that I write something here, usually of the type of drivel you're seeing now, and then I'm not in the mood to talk about the deep shit anymore. I feel like I've lost something through this whole process, and I don't like it. I don't post much, in either journal, but I have lots of posts in my head, and they just don't see the light of day. My Core analysis of the candidates was probably the closest I've come in a long time, and that wasn't really introspective or deep. More like a PSA, if you're interested in the character of the candidates you vote for, through the very limited filter I used.
I miss that introspective part of myself. It's still there. It comes out with
BlckwngdOrcl, and in therapy. It's certainly rolling around in my head. But I just don't write about it anymore. Whether or not that will change, I don't know. I do know that, once I start working full-time hours again, my participation, either reading or writing, in LJ will decline sharply again. I'm writing a bit more in Twitter, 'cause it's quick and easy, but definitely not deep. Oh, and by the way... Yes, I have a FaceBook, and yes, I've added lots of you (if I know about your FaceBook), and yes, I appreciate all the Hugs and videos, and Starbucks things and challenges to do thisthatortheother... it's just that I have no interest in signing up for the programs that would allow me to accept them, and/or give out some of my own. Like all the other non-LJ web presences I have, FaceBook is just a placeholder. I suppose it would help if I put my old name on it, so people who knew me back before 2002 could actually find me, but oh well. I do have my old name on my Classmates profile.
Bheansidhe (sorry, couldn't remember what icon you wanted to be!) is the devil, though. She inspired me to go searching for people from my high school... and even though I only ran across one, it happens to be a guy I always kinda had a crush on, and still remember very fondly making out with outside the movie theater/arcade one night when I was visiting my hometown after having moved to South Carolina. He was married to another of my classmates last I knew, but I'd like to re-connect with him, at any rate, regardless of the nature of the connection. He was pretty cool. (He added me back, and he is still married to the same mutual friend, and I found other people from high school to add!**)le sigh... Another reason I don't spend as much time on the computer as I used to is that my tailbone bugs me, and it hurts to sit for any length of time. Also, especially when I'm typing around the cat(s) sprawled over my arms (as I am right now), it puts me in what eventually becomes a painful position. So it's not so pleasant to sit and type, and it certainly doesn't put me in an introspective mood. I also need a new office chair, 'cause the back finally fell off mine. If you even have to ask why I don't just move the cats... well, you should probably just give up. If it's just not patently obvious that you don't disturb the comfortable kittens, I don't think it can ever be explained to you. :)
I'll be 40 soon. I'm putting off the actual panic until the day finally hits (tickticktick), but I'm pretty sure I'm freaking out about this. Perhaps more on that later. Perhaps I'll just go hide under a rock. 30 bothered me for all of about 5 minutes, but... Jesus... 40 is *grown up*. And I don't think I am yet... Fuckityfuck.
Something kindasorta thoughtful, but not particularly personally introspective - There's been a lot of talk about the economy and whatnot, and a decent amount of discussion in other LJs (*cough*
GaeasSon *cough*) about the pros and cons of various economic philosophies - the two ends of that spectrum being Socialism and Ayn Rand's philosophy (Objectivism**), which I would look up the name of if my internet weren't going all to hell in a handbasket right now. Anyway, here's my thoughts on this... I've read Animal Farm. I've read Atlas Shrugged. Honestly, even though they're at odds, both look like pretty good systems.
On paper.
Socialism assumes in the good nature of all mankind, to want to share and share alike with one's fellow human, and everyone will all get along. It assumes that, because everyone is feeling all happy and cared for, that everyone will naturally work towards their highest potential, just because they can, and because mankind enjoys achievement for its own sake, and also enjoys sharing. What it doesn't take in account is (wo)man's competitive nature, the idea that competition often brings out, rather than stifles the natural inclination to succeed at one's chosen profession. It assumes that one is working in one's chosen profession, rather than just in an assigned job that someone could care less about. It assumes a lot of things about the nature of man... a lot of things that, honestly, I believe in... at least in the POTENTIAL of them. But, sadly, we're just not there yet, and I can't see us being there for a very long time. In practice, Socialism devolves into what was seen in the USSR, where some pigs were more equal than others, and it just got worse from there.
Ayn Rand's philosophy (Objectivism**) also makes a lot of assumptions. In many ways, it's more realistic than Socialism, because it takes into account that there are different kinds of people out there, and that there will always be those who have an inner drive to succeed, and those who prefer to be slackers. But, again, it assumes that those with the inner drive to succeed are also on a moral high ground, where they'll work to improve themselves just because it pleases them to do so. Yeah, they make the money, and they feel (rightly) that they deserve it, and that others have the same opportunity to do the same thing if that's their drive, and that those who don't reap the benefits (or lack thereof) of their effort. But it doesn't take into account the corruption of some of those with that drive. It doesn't take into account that some people got to the top not because they were letting their little light shine, but because they cheated their way there. It doesn't take into account a system that actively strives to make it difficult for people to cross class (or race, or gender, or what have you) barriers. It doesn't take into account the greed of the people who've made it to the top, especially those that didn't deserve to be there in the first place. In practice (and
GaeasSon will, and has mentioned that it's never actually been in practice, although technically, one could say the same about Socialism, for pretty much the same reasons), you end up with some facsimile of what we're seeing now. Personally, I'd be happy with either system, as it looks on paper. But, for either scenario, we just haven't evolved that much yet. More's the pity.
Another thought... Socialized Medicine.
I'm actually in favor of this. It's only in a culture where our populations have grown so large that there's even a question of whether or not people have the "right" to healthcare or not. Back when we lived in small villages and there were healers, there was no question of whether or not someone "deserved" healthcare. The healers were taken care of, and it didn't matter where the "money" came from. They were taken care of, and in turn, they took care of those who needed it. Of course, that's simplistic, and no longer applies to our culture. Maybe it could, but the radical shift it would take to change that system... well, I'm sure I don't have to spell that out. Anyway, yes, I think it's a right. Feel free to argue this, but I think this is one of those fundamental things that people either believe or they don't.
That being said...
I don't hear good things about socialized medicine in other countries, as far as efficiency and whatnot goes. It seems to be just about as much trouble as it's worth. What I'd LIKE to see is some consortium get together, preferably an international one, with people who've been-there-done-that as well as people who are new to the concept, and do the same thing the experts that came up with the FairTax did - come up with something that actually has a chance of WORKING. I think it's possible. Do I have any idea what it would look like, or do I have any suggestions on it? No... not my forte, sorry. But I think there are people who WOULD be outstanding, and I wish they'd get on it, so America (and anyone else interested) could benefit. I don't really wanna see some half-assed system pushed through just so we can say we finally got around to providing healthcare for all our citizens. But, then again (how to pay for it aside, mind you), it would probably be a step in the better direction.
*glances at clock* I'm pretty close to being where I wanted to be, as far as how late I wanted to stay up. This post might have to wait until morning, 'cause my internet still seems to be wonky as fuck (this seems to happen every night, actually), so I'm not sure this will actually post if I hit the button.
Anyway, I'm gonna surf around a bit, then get to sleep.
Night all.
**Morning I-can-now-has-internetz edit.
