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Therapy and Solar Flares
Feb. 1st, 2003 07:16 pmWhew... I'm actually getting caught up on this thing... Woo hoo!
Murke has decided that I must be lonely, and he's providing me with warm gray fuzzy company. :)
Of course, it's more difficult to type with warm gray fuzzy company...
Anyway... couple of things from recent therapy sessions... first is the workshop in January. It's the second of two workshops on sexuality, so of course, it was highly recommended for Glenn and I. I would have wanted to go, anyway. I'm always up for workshops. :)
My warm gray fuzzy company was suddenly accompanied by warm black and white fuzzy company, and since I had more company than I had lap space, I've now relegated all such company to the floor.
I didn't do much actual work at the workshops myself. Mostly I watched other people, and cried at the intensity of their emotions. There was one lady that was upset 'cause people needed her so much, and as she cried out her pain, I said to myself, "That's Rob," and I understood, and I cried for him, for her, for myself. I got a better insight into Core Energetics in general, and was impressed with the grace that issues regarding it were handled by all. For anyone interested, I think Core Energetics has a lot of good things to say, and a lot of good healing to give - http://www.core-energetics-south.com.
At the most recent therapy session, I felt like something should happen, and was typically afraid that something might. We discussed polyamory and BDSM, and, as usual, I couldn't describe the beauty of BDSM to someone who wasn't into it. But, she had Glenn and I crying in each other's arms at the end of it, and I always consider that a good thing.
Of course, much of my processing happens in the car on the way home. Glenn and I got to talking about some of his sexual reluctance, and we delved into his past, and things that might have had an effect on it.
And he remembered something... something significant.
And I got mad.
I was driving, so I couldn't go crazy (and believe me, I wanted to), but I was mad. Furious, irate... none of those things seem to do it justice. I don't even know HOW to describe it, it was so far out of my realm of familiarity. So, I'll cheat and post Glenn's reaction to it from his blog:
"January 30, 2003
In which Our Hero gets to see his Beloved get angry...
And I don't just mean irritated. I mean MAD. I'm talking Emperor-esque bolts of lightning coming out of her eyes and shit like that. I told her that watching her was like being able to see a star as it would lash out with a solar flare and just incinerate whatever it touched. Thank the Gods it wasn't directed at me. I don't think I am ready to expound on what exactly caused that reaction to the general public, but it was awesome and rather frightening to behold."
I am inordinately pleased with this entry. I've gone back and read it at least once per day since he wrote it. I kept asking him if the visuals were a metaphor, or if he really saw that - he says the Emporer thing was a metaphor, but the solar flare thing was accurate.
Wow. Me. Angry. And Phoenixing out. I find myself biting my lip to keep from smiling too much, from being too pleased with myself.
Yay, me. And fuck all y'all.
;)
Murke has decided that I must be lonely, and he's providing me with warm gray fuzzy company. :)
Of course, it's more difficult to type with warm gray fuzzy company...
Anyway... couple of things from recent therapy sessions... first is the workshop in January. It's the second of two workshops on sexuality, so of course, it was highly recommended for Glenn and I. I would have wanted to go, anyway. I'm always up for workshops. :)
My warm gray fuzzy company was suddenly accompanied by warm black and white fuzzy company, and since I had more company than I had lap space, I've now relegated all such company to the floor.
I didn't do much actual work at the workshops myself. Mostly I watched other people, and cried at the intensity of their emotions. There was one lady that was upset 'cause people needed her so much, and as she cried out her pain, I said to myself, "That's Rob," and I understood, and I cried for him, for her, for myself. I got a better insight into Core Energetics in general, and was impressed with the grace that issues regarding it were handled by all. For anyone interested, I think Core Energetics has a lot of good things to say, and a lot of good healing to give - http://www.core-energetics-south.com.
At the most recent therapy session, I felt like something should happen, and was typically afraid that something might. We discussed polyamory and BDSM, and, as usual, I couldn't describe the beauty of BDSM to someone who wasn't into it. But, she had Glenn and I crying in each other's arms at the end of it, and I always consider that a good thing.
Of course, much of my processing happens in the car on the way home. Glenn and I got to talking about some of his sexual reluctance, and we delved into his past, and things that might have had an effect on it.
And he remembered something... something significant.
And I got mad.
I was driving, so I couldn't go crazy (and believe me, I wanted to), but I was mad. Furious, irate... none of those things seem to do it justice. I don't even know HOW to describe it, it was so far out of my realm of familiarity. So, I'll cheat and post Glenn's reaction to it from his blog:
"January 30, 2003
In which Our Hero gets to see his Beloved get angry...
And I don't just mean irritated. I mean MAD. I'm talking Emperor-esque bolts of lightning coming out of her eyes and shit like that. I told her that watching her was like being able to see a star as it would lash out with a solar flare and just incinerate whatever it touched. Thank the Gods it wasn't directed at me. I don't think I am ready to expound on what exactly caused that reaction to the general public, but it was awesome and rather frightening to behold."
I am inordinately pleased with this entry. I've gone back and read it at least once per day since he wrote it. I kept asking him if the visuals were a metaphor, or if he really saw that - he says the Emporer thing was a metaphor, but the solar flare thing was accurate.
Wow. Me. Angry. And Phoenixing out. I find myself biting my lip to keep from smiling too much, from being too pleased with myself.
Yay, me. And fuck all y'all.
;)
