Dream

[bookofmirrors]

I eventually got to sleep last night, and was rewarded with a dream. (Sorry... perhaps the sarcasm of that statement wasn't as obvious as it could have been.)

I don't remember a whole lot about it. I know I kept changing both and forth from blckwngdorcl to myself, and that when I was blckwngdorcl, myself was Halle Barry. Ha... probably wishful thinking on both our parts.

We were arguing. I remember that. I remember the me as blckwngdorcl kept slapping the shit out the myself as Halle Barry. I remember being in the bathroom. We were about to take a shower. I don't remember what we were arguing about. I don't really remember how that went. I know there was either some thought in my head, or some discussion, about discarding our wedding rings. I remember resisting that, very hard, in the dream. When I was engaged to Leo, more than once, I gave him the ring back, and I remember in the dream thinking that that should have told me something, should have told me something, and I didn't want to hear that now. I kept trying to get myself in a headspace to get past the fear, the pain, and I was having trouble doing it. It didn't help that I kept switching back and forth, either. I remember at one point, when I was me, he had gone, and I was lying in a huge bathtub, soaking, but not quite getting ready yet. I kept trying to get past my muddled thoughts and try to think of a way to make it better, and the stupid wedding rings kept going through my head. I remember thinking of something to make it better, some sort of symbolic gesture. So I got out of the tub, and went into another room. It was a bedroom, and he was in the shower attached to it (as I had guessed he would be). I saw his ring sitting on the dresser in the bedroom, and took it, took mine, and went back to the room that we were sharing at the time, the one attached to the tub I was soaking in. (This wasn't our house, exactly... it was connected with my parents, somehow, even though I'm pretty sure we were the only ones there. It smacked a lot of the house I grew up in, in Warsaw.) Anyway, I took both rings, and put them in a basket, up high, on a shelf. In my head, we'd both have to come together to get them back, and that satisfied me somewhat, but I was still sad. I went back to the tub to soak, and actually get cleaned up this time.

The tub was a garden-style tub, and across from me, there were several decorative, knick-knacky things on the shelf. One was a little angel. Almost like a Christmas tree decoration. I knew that it was somehow connected to me, partially because of the blue and orange ribbons attached to it, which were the colors of my old college. The angel kept moving closer to me. Never when I was looking, of course, but I knew it was doing it. Part of me was wondering why I wasn't afraid, but I wasn't. It seemed natural for it to do so, and part of me understood that it was comforting me. When it (she) finally got close to me, she just rested there, and radiated an aura of comfort. It was only mildly comforting, but at least it was something.

Then I woke up.