Post Workshop Notes

[bookofmirrors]

I'm not going to bother to cut-tag this, 'cause I'm on my way to work, it should be short, and I'm just not in the mood. :)

Last night, after I made my previous entry, blckwngdorcl and I went out to eat. We were gonna go to Hops, but I ended up wanting the lettuce wraps that Chili's has, so we went there instead. On the way there, we drove past a steak house, and that smelled so fabulous, I wanted that, too. Anyway, as a result, I asked the waiter for a half portion of the lettuce wraps as an appetizer, and a steak for dinner. The lettuce wraps came, and they sure didn't look half-size to me, but they were so fucking fabulous, I scarfed them down.

If any of you have ever had the lettuce wraps, you know how fucking messy they are. I was wishing I was at home, 'cause I just wanted it all to drip and be messy, and not care. I just wanted all the sensations I could pack in. The food tasted so GOOD.

Anyway, it had been my plan to tell the waiter when he came with the main meal to just bring me a box, 'cause the lettuce wraps were plenty. I completely forgot, though. I was starting to feel almost drunk, as if eating the lettuce wraps had made me drunk. Anyone who knows me knows I eat one thing at a time. But not tonight. I was sampling everything, going from one taste to another. Truly delightful. I took a bite of broccoli... and another. And some of the mashed potatoes. And a bite of steak. And before I knew it, I had eaten about half of what was on the plate. And it was so fucking fabulous. I took a bite of blckwngdorcl's cheeseburger, and one of his fries. It was just a very intense experience. It was like I'd never tasted food before. Every bite was orgasmic. I keep thinking of how I'd heard people describing getting the munchies after smoking pot, and that's what this felt like.

When we were done, we went to tc_borderpagans. I still felt drunk. The sensation of the air on my face, the lights in my eyes, the touch of blckwngdorcl's skin against mine, the fabric of his clothing. I was touching and feeling everything and everyone at Borders. gaeasson had brought this wonderful light device toy-thing, and I was fascinated by that. By Georgia's hair (which luckily, she loved having stroked. Kissing blckwngdorcl. Kissing walkingbear. Kissing gaeasson. I wanted to kiss everyone, touch things with my fingers, my lips, my tongue, teeth, face, arms, everything. I made blckwngdorcl drive. I was afraid that I might think it was fun or interesting or exhilirating to hear the crunch of metal, the squeal of tires, the rich color of blood. It didn't matter to me. Some social sensibility kept all that in check, and a (very mild) sense of what-the-fuck-am-I-thinking?, but for the most part, things had no moral judgement on them. Stroking Georgia's hair would have been the same to me as watching Brandon's skin split open to reveal the wet pulsating muscles underneath. It was all fabulous and good and beautiful.

This morning, I still feel a sense of wanting to just go out and experience life. Which is the plan, to the extent that my life today is going to be pretty much limited to going to work. But that's OK. At least I'll get that blood fix. ;)

Much love to you all!

Comments

No One's Approval

[monarchprime.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking and reading about your experiences over the last few days and I've been considering them in light of the very expensive, "therapy" session's I've just experienced in the basement of a Chicago Apartment building, inviting real physical pain (bruises even :D), and the phrase that keeps coming up is: "Whatever works."

So...Good for you for getting what you need. Good for you for following it (whatever the literal and metaphorical cost). Good for you for enjoying it.

Good for you for realizing what you do need. Good for you for realizing what you don't need (like someone's approval).

Eat it up. It's yours.

Re: No One's Approval

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you for understanding. I know that you haven't always understood the impact of Core on me, so I'm glad that it's clearer to you now. And you're right. I don't need anyone's approval for it (as long as I pay for it, right?). Which is why I've been so stubborn about it all this time. *sticking tongue out at you playfully*

xoxo