![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsDon't really feel like posting, but wanted to get this down, in case it was somehow important later, and I forgot it, as I sometimes/often do.
I woke up earlier than I expected to today, after having been unexpectedly told I was on the schedule to work last night. I didn't get much sleep, although I haven't felt tired all day.
I did the usual online thing, catching up on email and LJ, and took Neg outside for a while, just as it was getting dark. The trees outside were standing out against the sky in a supernatural relief, looking very much the same as the flowers on Trey's altar the first time I took acid. That is to say, for perhaps a better reference for those who weren't in my head at that time, they looked like the scene in What Dreams May Come where his heaven is made out of paint. The whole day felt magickal (the "k" just seemed appropriate here... I usually don't bother) in ways I couldn't describe. I felt like I Didn't Want To Leave The House pretty much from the time I woke up, in a way that's different from my usual lazy unsociable-ness. So, my apologies to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
elorie. I was planning on coming, and I couldn't think of a good way to describe it, and I was wary of my resolve against your powers of persuasion if I told you ahead of time. :)
At the same time,blckwngdorcl was also feeling some sort of pull. He was having the opposite problem, and left, feeling like he needed to be somewhere else. He thought maybe Kennesaw Mountain, but since he's not back yet, don't know where he went or what's been happening. I know he's felt like he was on the edge of shifting for days now.
Anyway, after he left, I took a shower, and set up a meditative bath. I put some meditative and purification salts in it, and added some purification bath oil I'd bought at the cool hoodoo shop that I went to withelorie and ...um... Stacy, whose LJ name I can't remember. I got in the tub, noticing that the very very red oil didn't really dissolve in the water like most bath oils do. Even in the dim candlelight, I could see that immersing myself in the water was having the result of making me look like I was covered in blood. Ironic, considering I'm menstruating right now. But I decided to go with that, and rubbed it all over my body, and immersed myself in it. I put my feet up around the waterspout, and thought to myself that I was in a birthing position, and this seemed very right to me. It occured to me at some point that the appearance of being covered in blood was also reminiscent of a newborn, or a fetus. And, to further these thoughts, I could hear my own heartbeat loudly when I was submerged in the water. Except that it wasn't the usual lub-dub. It was closer to the swishing sound that babies hear in the womb. I concentrated on this for a while. It was interesting. I'm not sure I ever got into a meditative state or not. I was wishing it were easier to play music in the bathroom, as tbrents had suggested. I remember that the blackness behind my eyes seemed endless and forever. I remember seeing myself standing in front of a castle, at a bridge. There were people around me, almost shadows, whispers... intangible. The only thing I could tell about them was that one was walkingbear, and that blckwngdorcl was not among them. In fact, I could almost see him elsewhere, and knew that he had his own journey right now. I noticed a gold band on the left side of the bridge I was standing at, and put it on my finger - where my wedding band normally is, I think. And, on impulse, dived into the water rather than crossing the bridge to get to the other side. The ring apparently gave me the ability to breathe underwater, and otherwise interact with that world with the same ease as above water - easier, of course, given the weightlessness factor. I remember having to do something, like hold a piece of flame coral, or something like that, to make a door open up in the side of the castle. I went in. I was in a stone passage, naked, and I walked down it. Without any effort on my part, I walked down the corridor. The torches in the wall sprang to life as I passed each one, but they were silent, without the usual crackle or smoke and sparks that normally accompany that sort of thing. I remember reaching the end of the corridor, which ended in a blank wall, and sitting down calmly, facing it. It occured to me that I had earth, air, fire, and water in this small space, and was somewhat disappointed they didn't seem to be in the "correct" directions. Nothing really happened when I sat there, but I wasn't really under the impression that anything was supposed to, either. I think I got out of the shower after that, and dried off a bit (the bathtub looks positively GRUESOME... talk about bloodbath... I'll clean it later), and went outside in the backyard. Again, I got the impression that I could see forever, although this time it was with my eyes open... almost like the hill and the fence opened up into eternity. I felt a tingling that was somewhat different that what I rememer experiencing before, although now that I think of it, was very similar to what I felt at opening ritual of the first Spiral Rhythms gathering. It wasn't the uncomfortable feeling I get when I try to meditate and can't quite get there. Nor was it the prickly feeling of ghosts. Spirits, perhaps, of another sort, or maybe just me. At any rate, I sat and just felt it, and it was good. I kept getting the impression that there were wolves on the other side of the fence (I *could* hear something big moving around back there), and wasn't particularly concerned about it. I felt alternately extremely calm, very powerful, and pretty much all the time very much a part of All. I kept mulling over the birth images in the tub, and came to the conclusion that this was (or could be) a birth of sorts for me. I have no idea really how to describe that, 'cause I felt no different in many ways, and there certainly wasn't anything going on that I could think of that would make me feel that way. Perhaps it has something to do with the Seichem class I'm taking tomorrow.
I whispered "xeper" into the night air, tasting the word on my lips. It didn't feel inappropriate, but didn't bring on fireworks, either. I got the impression that everything was fine, there was nothing more I needed to do, but I was certainly welcome to stay outside and share the night, which I did for a while.
Don't know what any of this means. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
I woke up earlier than I expected to today, after having been unexpectedly told I was on the schedule to work last night. I didn't get much sleep, although I haven't felt tired all day.
I did the usual online thing, catching up on email and LJ, and took Neg outside for a while, just as it was getting dark. The trees outside were standing out against the sky in a supernatural relief, looking very much the same as the flowers on Trey's altar the first time I took acid. That is to say, for perhaps a better reference for those who weren't in my head at that time, they looked like the scene in What Dreams May Come where his heaven is made out of paint. The whole day felt magickal (the "k" just seemed appropriate here... I usually don't bother) in ways I couldn't describe. I felt like I Didn't Want To Leave The House pretty much from the time I woke up, in a way that's different from my usual lazy unsociable-ness. So, my apologies to
elorie. I was planning on coming, and I couldn't think of a good way to describe it, and I was wary of my resolve against your powers of persuasion if I told you ahead of time. :)At the same time,
blckwngdorcl was also feeling some sort of pull. He was having the opposite problem, and left, feeling like he needed to be somewhere else. He thought maybe Kennesaw Mountain, but since he's not back yet, don't know where he went or what's been happening. I know he's felt like he was on the edge of shifting for days now.Anyway, after he left, I took a shower, and set up a meditative bath. I put some meditative and purification salts in it, and added some purification bath oil I'd bought at the cool hoodoo shop that I went to with
elorie and ...um... Stacy, whose LJ name I can't remember. I got in the tub, noticing that the very very red oil didn't really dissolve in the water like most bath oils do. Even in the dim candlelight, I could see that immersing myself in the water was having the result of making me look like I was covered in blood. Ironic, considering I'm menstruating right now. But I decided to go with that, and rubbed it all over my body, and immersed myself in it. I put my feet up around the waterspout, and thought to myself that I was in a birthing position, and this seemed very right to me. It occured to me at some point that the appearance of being covered in blood was also reminiscent of a newborn, or a fetus. And, to further these thoughts, I could hear my own heartbeat loudly when I was submerged in the water. Except that it wasn't the usual lub-dub. It was closer to the swishing sound that babies hear in the womb. I concentrated on this for a while. It was interesting. I'm not sure I ever got into a meditative state or not. I was wishing it were easier to play music in the bathroom, as tbrents had suggested. I remember that the blackness behind my eyes seemed endless and forever. I remember seeing myself standing in front of a castle, at a bridge. There were people around me, almost shadows, whispers... intangible. The only thing I could tell about them was that one was walkingbear, and that blckwngdorcl was not among them. In fact, I could almost see him elsewhere, and knew that he had his own journey right now. I noticed a gold band on the left side of the bridge I was standing at, and put it on my finger - where my wedding band normally is, I think. And, on impulse, dived into the water rather than crossing the bridge to get to the other side. The ring apparently gave me the ability to breathe underwater, and otherwise interact with that world with the same ease as above water - easier, of course, given the weightlessness factor. I remember having to do something, like hold a piece of flame coral, or something like that, to make a door open up in the side of the castle. I went in. I was in a stone passage, naked, and I walked down it. Without any effort on my part, I walked down the corridor. The torches in the wall sprang to life as I passed each one, but they were silent, without the usual crackle or smoke and sparks that normally accompany that sort of thing. I remember reaching the end of the corridor, which ended in a blank wall, and sitting down calmly, facing it. It occured to me that I had earth, air, fire, and water in this small space, and was somewhat disappointed they didn't seem to be in the "correct" directions. Nothing really happened when I sat there, but I wasn't really under the impression that anything was supposed to, either. I think I got out of the shower after that, and dried off a bit (the bathtub looks positively GRUESOME... talk about bloodbath... I'll clean it later), and went outside in the backyard. Again, I got the impression that I could see forever, although this time it was with my eyes open... almost like the hill and the fence opened up into eternity. I felt a tingling that was somewhat different that what I rememer experiencing before, although now that I think of it, was very similar to what I felt at opening ritual of the first Spiral Rhythms gathering. It wasn't the uncomfortable feeling I get when I try to meditate and can't quite get there. Nor was it the prickly feeling of ghosts. Spirits, perhaps, of another sort, or maybe just me. At any rate, I sat and just felt it, and it was good. I kept getting the impression that there were wolves on the other side of the fence (I *could* hear something big moving around back there), and wasn't particularly concerned about it. I felt alternately extremely calm, very powerful, and pretty much all the time very much a part of All. I kept mulling over the birth images in the tub, and came to the conclusion that this was (or could be) a birth of sorts for me. I have no idea really how to describe that, 'cause I felt no different in many ways, and there certainly wasn't anything going on that I could think of that would make me feel that way. Perhaps it has something to do with the Seichem class I'm taking tomorrow. I whispered "xeper" into the night air, tasting the word on my lips. It didn't feel inappropriate, but didn't bring on fireworks, either. I got the impression that everything was fine, there was nothing more I needed to do, but I was certainly welcome to stay outside and share the night, which I did for a while.
Don't know what any of this means. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
-
- Something on blckwngdorcl's Computer
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 03:35 am (UTC)Clean up tip
Date: 2003-10-26 01:22 am (UTC)Chances are that the bath oil that didn't "dissolve" contained at least small amounts of red palm oil and/or dragon's blood essence. Both of these can be tricky to get out of a tub (particularly if that tub is fiberglass or plastic coated. You will want to get back to this as soon as possible, because they both have a minor potential for permanent stains if the tub isn't porcelain.
Red palm oil should be able to be cut by a good, strong dishwashing detergent like Dawn. (It takes grease out of your way ;-) ) If it is dragon's blood and it has started to stick to the tub, you can try Goo Gone, but be very careful not to damage the tub's surface. Of course, if the tub is porcelain, all of this is basically moot, and a good soap and a little elbow grease should get it all gone.
(Steps down from soapbox feeling better now that she did the one thing that no one did for her when she tried "wierd hoodoo bath and hair oils".) :-)
Re: Clean up tip
Date: 2003-10-26 02:01 pm (UTC)Actually, that's what I ended up doing (Dr. Bonner's, Dawn, same diff...). There is a slight pink tinge to the tub (I waited too long), but at least it's usuable again, and doesn't look like we've been chopping up body parts in there!
Thanks!