Polyamory a la K'La
Sep. 1st, 2003 12:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsSo, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
blckwngdorcl and I finally took the plunge. Well, we've kinda taken it before, but in actual practice that panned out into one brief (but enjoyable) encounter. After that, we had come up with other issues, and wanted very much to make sure that if we fucked other people, it was for FUN, and not because we were running from any of our own issues. At that point in our relationship, there was some danger in that, and I'd seen other people who seemed to use polyamory for that purpose, and we agreed that we didn't want that to be us.
so, we spent a long time working on ourselves and our own issues, and came to the conclusion that we were ready to take that plunge again, in the right (for us) headspace a few months ago. But it wasn't until recently that it actually panned out into an encounter for either of us. In fact, not too terribly long ago,blckwngdorcl said he felt he was monogamous for now, but had no inclination that I needed to be the same way.
So, a couple of weeks ago, I took the plunge withkapua23. He was visiting with his wife lil_red_witch and her lover sirstee and his wife delenn99. I won't get into all the tangled webs of relationships involved when you mix the four of them with the five of us. :) Anyway, all concerned parties were good with the idea, and so kapua23 and I pretty much got a day to ourselves to explore each other. It started out with a shower here, which was great, but it's hard to keep your balance in a wet shower, and I was kinda fearful of that in the back of my mind the whole time. That didn't prevent either of us from enjoying it, though. :) After that, we went out for breakfast with everyone, and then went to Insurrection to get some goodies. Unfortunately, my favorite branch of it had pretty much gotten rid of their entire leather section. We ended up driving to Midtown to try to find the other branch that they said still had leather stuff. We thought we never really found it,'cause the only shop we found in the general area we were directed to was a store called Heaven, which had some great furniture (big black X with all the appropriate clips... mmmmmm.....) but not so much in the way of leather, and godawful overpriced. Later, when talking to blckwngdorcl about it, he said that WAS Insurrection, and that the orginal guy who started Insurrection made enough money to give his original managers each their own stores, and Heaven was one of those. Who knew?
Anyway, we went back to his hotel room, and had a wonderful time. It had been a long time since I'd been spanked by anyone who was enthusiastic about it, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. We were both going pretty easy on each other, it being the first time and all. We were feeling each other out (no pun intended) and getting used to each others' reactions and such. It was very cool, though. I don't remember many details, if any, 'cause I hit that point where I kinda lost my head... not completely, but enough to make the memory fuzzy. I mainly remember it was good. :)
So, I got home, somewhat nervous thatblckwngdorcl had changed his mind while we were gone, regretted the whole thing, etc.. But he was cool with it. Gods, I have the bestest husband in the whole wide world. He said I came home with 10 fingers and 10 toes, and seemed to have had a good time, and he was happy for me. And I could see that he genuinely was, and that meant, and means, the world to me. lil_red_witch was equally cool about it, and I thanked her for sharing her husband with me. All in all, a very good thing which we have plans to repeat when I go to Florida in October to see The Pet Psychic, and spend the night in the hotel that kapua23 works at. Ought to be fun, since I think we're both going to discard the kid gloves. Scaryexciting. :)
I will say that one thing bothered me about the time we spent together. I've kinda discussed in past posts that my version of polyamory is more polysexuality than anything else. I really don't want a romantic relationship with anyone but my husband. That's not to say that I'm just looking for a stable. I'm friends withkapua23, and I'm friends with the other people I've had sex with, and plan to have sex with. But I don't feel a romantic attachment to any of them, and I don't want to. I feel like I'm cheating on blckwngdorcl if I were to do that. So, there were a couple of times while we were together that kapua23 looked at me with some intense passion and emotion, and it wigged me out a little. I was able to let it flow over in the heat of the moment, but I remembered it afterwards, and I want to work on that so that it's not a problem with him, or any other lovers I may take in the future. Or with my husband, for that matter. I talked with blckwngdorcl about it, and he didn't feel at all that it was cheating for me to become romantically involved with my lovers. In fact, his version of polyamory includes the romance, and that doesn't bother me a bit, 'cause I feel secure in my relationship with him. So, as we talked, I was kinda surprised to realize (and I confirmed this with him) that, in his mind, I was already romantically involved, 'cause from his point of view, that's the way polyamory worked. So, in his mind, there was already a romantic relationship there. And, note above-stated reaction, he was already good with that. So that was kind of a weird realization for me.
I also talked tokapua23 about it. He, of course, didn't wanna wig me out, and he doesn't feel a romantic connection with me any more than I do with him, but we both agree we are good friends who share a passion. He was pretty cool about the whole thing, and said he basically knew that's where I was coming from to begin with. Damn empaths. ;)
So, it would seem that no one has a problem with this brand of fear of intimacy but me. And, of course, that's all that matters. Because it IS fear-based, which pretty much equates "bad" to me. So, that's something I'm going to be exploring and trying to get over in my poly-amorous/sexual pursuits.
All in all, I think this is a good thing for me, and therefore for all my relationships. I thank the gods that I have such an awesome husband, and such a great lover, and that they're willing to go to these places with me. And anyone who's reading this that I've discussed going there with you... well, that's what you're in for, too, but I don't think that's a bad thing. The invitations are still open. ;)
blckwngdorcl and I finally took the plunge. Well, we've kinda taken it before, but in actual practice that panned out into one brief (but enjoyable) encounter. After that, we had come up with other issues, and wanted very much to make sure that if we fucked other people, it was for FUN, and not because we were running from any of our own issues. At that point in our relationship, there was some danger in that, and I'd seen other people who seemed to use polyamory for that purpose, and we agreed that we didn't want that to be us.so, we spent a long time working on ourselves and our own issues, and came to the conclusion that we were ready to take that plunge again, in the right (for us) headspace a few months ago. But it wasn't until recently that it actually panned out into an encounter for either of us. In fact, not too terribly long ago,
blckwngdorcl said he felt he was monogamous for now, but had no inclination that I needed to be the same way.So, a couple of weeks ago, I took the plunge with
kapua23. He was visiting with his wife lil_red_witch and her lover sirstee and his wife delenn99. I won't get into all the tangled webs of relationships involved when you mix the four of them with the five of us. :) Anyway, all concerned parties were good with the idea, and so kapua23 and I pretty much got a day to ourselves to explore each other. It started out with a shower here, which was great, but it's hard to keep your balance in a wet shower, and I was kinda fearful of that in the back of my mind the whole time. That didn't prevent either of us from enjoying it, though. :) After that, we went out for breakfast with everyone, and then went to Insurrection to get some goodies. Unfortunately, my favorite branch of it had pretty much gotten rid of their entire leather section. We ended up driving to Midtown to try to find the other branch that they said still had leather stuff. We thought we never really found it,'cause the only shop we found in the general area we were directed to was a store called Heaven, which had some great furniture (big black X with all the appropriate clips... mmmmmm.....) but not so much in the way of leather, and godawful overpriced. Later, when talking to blckwngdorcl about it, he said that WAS Insurrection, and that the orginal guy who started Insurrection made enough money to give his original managers each their own stores, and Heaven was one of those. Who knew?Anyway, we went back to his hotel room, and had a wonderful time. It had been a long time since I'd been spanked by anyone who was enthusiastic about it, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. We were both going pretty easy on each other, it being the first time and all. We were feeling each other out (no pun intended) and getting used to each others' reactions and such. It was very cool, though. I don't remember many details, if any, 'cause I hit that point where I kinda lost my head... not completely, but enough to make the memory fuzzy. I mainly remember it was good. :)
So, I got home, somewhat nervous that
blckwngdorcl had changed his mind while we were gone, regretted the whole thing, etc.. But he was cool with it. Gods, I have the bestest husband in the whole wide world. He said I came home with 10 fingers and 10 toes, and seemed to have had a good time, and he was happy for me. And I could see that he genuinely was, and that meant, and means, the world to me. lil_red_witch was equally cool about it, and I thanked her for sharing her husband with me. All in all, a very good thing which we have plans to repeat when I go to Florida in October to see The Pet Psychic, and spend the night in the hotel that kapua23 works at. Ought to be fun, since I think we're both going to discard the kid gloves. Scaryexciting. :)I will say that one thing bothered me about the time we spent together. I've kinda discussed in past posts that my version of polyamory is more polysexuality than anything else. I really don't want a romantic relationship with anyone but my husband. That's not to say that I'm just looking for a stable. I'm friends with
kapua23, and I'm friends with the other people I've had sex with, and plan to have sex with. But I don't feel a romantic attachment to any of them, and I don't want to. I feel like I'm cheating on blckwngdorcl if I were to do that. So, there were a couple of times while we were together that kapua23 looked at me with some intense passion and emotion, and it wigged me out a little. I was able to let it flow over in the heat of the moment, but I remembered it afterwards, and I want to work on that so that it's not a problem with him, or any other lovers I may take in the future. Or with my husband, for that matter. I talked with blckwngdorcl about it, and he didn't feel at all that it was cheating for me to become romantically involved with my lovers. In fact, his version of polyamory includes the romance, and that doesn't bother me a bit, 'cause I feel secure in my relationship with him. So, as we talked, I was kinda surprised to realize (and I confirmed this with him) that, in his mind, I was already romantically involved, 'cause from his point of view, that's the way polyamory worked. So, in his mind, there was already a romantic relationship there. And, note above-stated reaction, he was already good with that. So that was kind of a weird realization for me. I also talked to
kapua23 about it. He, of course, didn't wanna wig me out, and he doesn't feel a romantic connection with me any more than I do with him, but we both agree we are good friends who share a passion. He was pretty cool about the whole thing, and said he basically knew that's where I was coming from to begin with. Damn empaths. ;)So, it would seem that no one has a problem with this brand of fear of intimacy but me. And, of course, that's all that matters. Because it IS fear-based, which pretty much equates "bad" to me. So, that's something I'm going to be exploring and trying to get over in my poly-amorous/sexual pursuits.
All in all, I think this is a good thing for me, and therefore for all my relationships. I thank the gods that I have such an awesome husband, and such a great lover, and that they're willing to go to these places with me. And anyone who's reading this that I've discussed going there with you... well, that's what you're in for, too, but I don't think that's a bad thing. The invitations are still open. ;)
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-01 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-02 06:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-02 07:15 am (UTC)I am glad to have read this; I consider it (since you say you don't have that "romantic" connection with
Anyway, I wanted to thank you for the recognition of our mutual OSO's sexual prowess... I am glad to know it isn't "just me." *wink*
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Date: 2003-09-02 09:58 pm (UTC)