Just an Update
Sep. 11th, 2008 03:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsI suppose it's with a certain irony that today is the day I feel like making a real update. I don't have much to say about it being September 11 and all. What's left to say? Everyone knows how it's affected ourselves personally, as a country, and as a world. I have nothing to add. I feel bad for my cousin, whose birthday is today, and anyone else who had a previously happy and special occasion that's now marred by this event. I can't imagine what it must have been like to have had someone known personally to you be lost in the tragedy. I (to the best of my knowledge) did not, and that makes it all a little distant for me. There's a perverse part of me that almost wishes I had, to have some closer personal connection to the event, but I don't, and that's just the way it is. To say I wasn't affected by it is ludicrous. To say that it's a focus of my life, today or any other day, is equally ludicrous. To say that the politics that have occurred as a result don't affect myself and the rest of the world is also ludicrous. But, having said all that after saying I have nothing to say about it, I'm now going to go on to exhibit the bad manners of making an update post about the also-sometimes-ludicrous things that actually do affect my life. In respect for the day, I will at least put it behind a cut.
OK, I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything useful and/or informative. I've had more time on my hands lately, and I've used it to actually read LJ entries, and I've even commented on some. I've made some meme-y entries ganked from the entries I've read, surfed the web and YouTube, kept up more or less on the political climate, etc.. So, today, for whatever reason, I feel like talking.
As I may or may not have made it clear in passing, I left my day job with David at the end of July. I did this for several reasons. I hadn't really been happy there in a long time. David had the Evil Twin Theory. He said I had an Evil Twin that worked for him in the office, and a Good Twin that worked for him at night. I retorted that the same could be said of him. We just didn't get along in the office, and the world of venture capital was something that was just completely foreign to me. Still is. The things that are apparently important in that world are so completely foreign to me. The best example of this was a conversation that David had with a guy on the phone, wherein he told a story. Apparently, there was some sort of meeting about a business. Don't know/remember if it was a startup, or some change was happening, or something like that. But one of the guys in the meeting basically said that he couldn't make the time commitment that they were looking for, because he wanted to spend time with his family. David reports that he immediately said to himself that that guy was a "loser". The boggling of my mind at that type of prioritization can't even be measured. I did it for 2 years, though, and despite my claimed priorities, I enacted his. Pam finally told me in a therapy session that, even though she didn't often out-and-out give advice, that I REALLY NEEDED to leave this job. Interestingly enough, shortly thereafter I was reading Social Intelligence (which is really a fascinating book), and it talked about how being in a hostile social environment (which working in the office certainly was, what with all the screaming and such) was literally toxic to the body. Of course, I've been studying just this sort of phenomena for years, but for whatever reason, I never really put two and two together when it came to my own experience. It was a big a-ha moment, and made so much sense, both personally, and in everything I've learned to this point. And, then, for the gazillionith time, David "fired" me. He'd been doing this fairly often since I started... he'd get mad and "fire" me, and I'd just ignore him. But, one day, he gave me a date, and his voice was different, and we weren't in the middle of an argument, like we usually were. I really hoped that this was his way of setting himself up to retire. (I've since come to the conclusion that this was wishful thinking on my part, and no less me trying to impose my values on him than was his trying to impose his values on me.) Anyway, for the first time, I took him up on it. It was scary as hell. I'd been revolving my life around him for those past 2 years, leaving the house at around 9:00am in the morning, and usually not heading home till after midnight, and with few exceptions, spending all that time with him, or in the service of him. I was like a member of the family. (Still am.) I was worried about who would do it when I wasn't around to do it anymore, 'cause I knew his wife hated it, and by his own admission, he didn't have any other prospects. Neither did I, other than being in healthcare, which is a pretty sure thing when it comes to getting a job. But, I did it anyway. I had been so concerned about how his wife would take it, but she took it pretty much in stride, and later said she didn't know how I had put up with it for as long as I did. That was a big relief to me.
So, anyway...
Turns out that I had a trip to Indiana/Illinois scheduled for the second week in August, so I didn't try too horribly hard to find something before then, just to have to tell them I couldn't start right away. So most of my searching has been since then. I re-instated my employment at ParaQuad, and I've been picking up some shifts there, which is great, although nothing steady yet. I still work for David at night, which I still enjoy, as we can interact in our "Good Twin" modes. We both do much better that way. So, I'm not totally bereft of job/money, but pretty close. I usually have to ask to be paid periodically, 'cause I've run out of gas or some other grocery item that I'd prefer not to have to wait to have. His wife is really good about that, for which I'm grateful. As usual, I'm relying way too much on my father's good graces, which I hate doing.
Which brings us to the next thing that was brought up during the therapy session in which Pam recommended I leave my day job. Getting a BETTER job, not just a replacement job. Well, sort of. Namely, pursuing education that will allow me to do so.
So, yeah, I've been taking Core Energetics for the past four years, and am just starting on the fifth year this month. It's been a fabulous path for personal growth, and I have no regrets in taking these classes, despite the financial angst they've caused. I have no doubt in my mind that it was this sort of growth that led me to pursue animal communication, which still very much speaks to my heart, and which I very much still want to do. But, at this time, all these things are a bit far off as far as being able to make a living on any of them. For Core, I can't really do work as a Core Energetics Therapist, because I'm not a licensed therapist. Graduating Core doesn't authorize me to do anything other than say I graduated Core, really. Sure, I could do the Life Coach thing, or something of that ilk, but that's not something I'm interested in. Without the complementary degree of some sort of graduate degree in psychology or social work, I can't do the therapy thing. And that's not really what I want to do anyway. Years ago I thought it was, and I know I'd be pretty good at it (or so I've been told), but that's not where my passion lies nowadays.
Animal communication requires me to have a lot more spare time than I've had in the past, and can guarantee to have in a future that involves me having a full-time job. And *checks lottery numbers* it looks like that's the future I'm destined for, if I want to continue to live in an apartment with the various amenities I have. The fact is, to continue to pursue this path is going to require a much stronger base of time and money in the short term in order to achieve this long-term goal. And it *is* still a goal.
So, that brings me to nursing. An LPN like myself can get training to be an RN in one year in most cases (going full time). This can also be done online, although I've disdained this approach in the past, because I just can't wrap my head around how something as hands-on as nursing can be taught primarily in an online course, with (in most cases) one weekend of clinical work to prove you can do it in the real world. I mean, I've been a nurse for 15 years, so I think I've got a pretty good handle on the hands-on stuff, but what about someone who hasn't had that experience? And where do you draw the line for time and experience? Nursing is such that there's a HUGE array of discrete experiences one can acquire over the course of one's career. So, yeah, been leery of it. However, Pam was saying that one of her other clients (also an LPN) had decided to pursue an online RN, and, given all the stuff above, I thought it might be a good idea. So, I looked into it briefly, but ended up putting it aside when it asked for a copy of my GRE scores (why an undergraduate program of any kind, especially one for an Associate's Degree, which is what an RN is at its most basic level, would have any interest in GRE scores is beyond me), and I didn't have a copy of these. I should have just said I didn't have any, but... Anyway, I set it aside.
So, in the meantime, I'm remembering that I've heard through the grapevine that, if you work for Emory, you can go to school there for free. Emory is a fabulous school for anything medical, and one that I'd had every intention of attending to get my RN when I first moved down here. Long story short, that didn't happen, but suddenly this possibility seemed much more real and possible. Turns out they have a program where, if you already have a Bachelor's Degree (which I do, in psychology), they have a program where you can get a BSN (Bachelor of Science in Nursing, as opposed to the Associate Degree in Nursing which I mentioned earlier that most RNs have) in just 2 years (going full-time, of course). Now, I can't find anything that says that have any LPN-to-RN courses, so that means they might not give me credit for my prior nursing classes, but to be able to get an RN/BSN from Emory would kick SOOO much ass. Not a bad thing at all to have a psych degree from one of the top 10 schools in psychology in the country, followed by a nursing degree from one of the top 10 medical schools in the country. Looks great on the ol' resume'. So, I've pretty much been aggressively pursuing employment at Emory since then. At this point, they're the only company I'm applying to. I've had a couple of interviews, which mostly went well, but not well enough. Part of it was the STAR interviewing format they use. I'd been with only David for so long, and the questions were so out of the blue to me that, the first time around, I just really couldn't think of examples of what they were asking. The second time around, I had much better examples (including one involving masturbation, which I think broke one of the interviewers), but the feedback I got from the Human Resources lady was that I had the job in the bag until towards the end when I started getting (more comfortable and therefore) chatty, and offered up too much information about past jobs, including mentioning that I'd been fired before. To me, that's just honesty, but I can totally see her point. Noted for next time around. I figure I'll just keep interviewing there until they tell me I can't, or until I get it right.
I did also go back to the online nursing degree to look at that more fully, in case I didn't get hired at Emory, or whatever. Suddenly, though, the online school that the lady had done so much research on, good program, accredited in all 50 states, etc., was no longer there. I followed up with her, and she confirmed that there were now problems with this. So, I need to look into other programs, but this all just supports my idea that online nursing isn't very ...nurse-y.
The jobs I've interviewed for thus far have all been Monday-Friday day jobs, which I thought would preclude my taking the fifth year of Core, which I talked to Pam about in our appointment yesterday. I'd still pay her, so that wasn't an issue, 'cause I still owe money for the first 4 years, and pre-paying for the next time the fifth year rolls around would be a good thing. But she said that she'd work around that schedule, if it happened. If I get a job with that schedule, that means I'd be going to night classes. Then David at night. Then Core on one Sunday a month, plus 2 hours of personal therapy a month, and one hour of individual supervision a month. PLUS, needing to get a client to see once a month. (Yes, that's me soliciting, but I'm not allowed to be more than an acquaintance with anyone I see.) So, very very busy. At least as busy as I was when working all day for David. But somehow, this seems better - like I'm moving forward, rather than stagnating and wilting. Plus, there's an end in sight. I feel good about it.
My *ideal* situation would be to get a midnight shift (7:00pm-7:00am) at Wesley Woods, which is literally right around the corner within walking distance of my house. I'd have to cut back on my nights with David, but it would be worth it. I could take the day classes, which would presumably get me done quicker, I could still do Core, and more easily, and I might also have something of a life, more or less. That position is open, and I've been informed that I'm being considered for it, but no interview as of yet. I think it's a good thing I've had a couple of trial runs, with good feedback, because that might help me out. The only drawback is that I don't have IV training. Well, technically, I have, but I don't have the paperwork to prove it, and no idea what the name of the company was that I took the training from, so I can't get it. I don't really remember anything about it, anyway. I did ask the Human Resources lady I've been talking to at Emory if they offer classes I could take to get that certification to increase my chances of getting this job, but she said I'd have to look for independent companies, which I have. Just need to find something local.
So, anyway, that's the state of my life as it relates to my job/education/etc.. There are more things going on, obviously, but that's where my focus has been a great deal of the time. If I feel inspired, I might write more later. They've finally turned the water back on in my apartment, and I'm dying to brush my teeth. And doing laundry might be a good thing, too.
OK, I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything useful and/or informative. I've had more time on my hands lately, and I've used it to actually read LJ entries, and I've even commented on some. I've made some meme-y entries ganked from the entries I've read, surfed the web and YouTube, kept up more or less on the political climate, etc.. So, today, for whatever reason, I feel like talking.
As I may or may not have made it clear in passing, I left my day job with David at the end of July. I did this for several reasons. I hadn't really been happy there in a long time. David had the Evil Twin Theory. He said I had an Evil Twin that worked for him in the office, and a Good Twin that worked for him at night. I retorted that the same could be said of him. We just didn't get along in the office, and the world of venture capital was something that was just completely foreign to me. Still is. The things that are apparently important in that world are so completely foreign to me. The best example of this was a conversation that David had with a guy on the phone, wherein he told a story. Apparently, there was some sort of meeting about a business. Don't know/remember if it was a startup, or some change was happening, or something like that. But one of the guys in the meeting basically said that he couldn't make the time commitment that they were looking for, because he wanted to spend time with his family. David reports that he immediately said to himself that that guy was a "loser". The boggling of my mind at that type of prioritization can't even be measured. I did it for 2 years, though, and despite my claimed priorities, I enacted his. Pam finally told me in a therapy session that, even though she didn't often out-and-out give advice, that I REALLY NEEDED to leave this job. Interestingly enough, shortly thereafter I was reading Social Intelligence (which is really a fascinating book), and it talked about how being in a hostile social environment (which working in the office certainly was, what with all the screaming and such) was literally toxic to the body. Of course, I've been studying just this sort of phenomena for years, but for whatever reason, I never really put two and two together when it came to my own experience. It was a big a-ha moment, and made so much sense, both personally, and in everything I've learned to this point. And, then, for the gazillionith time, David "fired" me. He'd been doing this fairly often since I started... he'd get mad and "fire" me, and I'd just ignore him. But, one day, he gave me a date, and his voice was different, and we weren't in the middle of an argument, like we usually were. I really hoped that this was his way of setting himself up to retire. (I've since come to the conclusion that this was wishful thinking on my part, and no less me trying to impose my values on him than was his trying to impose his values on me.) Anyway, for the first time, I took him up on it. It was scary as hell. I'd been revolving my life around him for those past 2 years, leaving the house at around 9:00am in the morning, and usually not heading home till after midnight, and with few exceptions, spending all that time with him, or in the service of him. I was like a member of the family. (Still am.) I was worried about who would do it when I wasn't around to do it anymore, 'cause I knew his wife hated it, and by his own admission, he didn't have any other prospects. Neither did I, other than being in healthcare, which is a pretty sure thing when it comes to getting a job. But, I did it anyway. I had been so concerned about how his wife would take it, but she took it pretty much in stride, and later said she didn't know how I had put up with it for as long as I did. That was a big relief to me.
So, anyway...
Turns out that I had a trip to Indiana/Illinois scheduled for the second week in August, so I didn't try too horribly hard to find something before then, just to have to tell them I couldn't start right away. So most of my searching has been since then. I re-instated my employment at ParaQuad, and I've been picking up some shifts there, which is great, although nothing steady yet. I still work for David at night, which I still enjoy, as we can interact in our "Good Twin" modes. We both do much better that way. So, I'm not totally bereft of job/money, but pretty close. I usually have to ask to be paid periodically, 'cause I've run out of gas or some other grocery item that I'd prefer not to have to wait to have. His wife is really good about that, for which I'm grateful. As usual, I'm relying way too much on my father's good graces, which I hate doing.
Which brings us to the next thing that was brought up during the therapy session in which Pam recommended I leave my day job. Getting a BETTER job, not just a replacement job. Well, sort of. Namely, pursuing education that will allow me to do so.
So, yeah, I've been taking Core Energetics for the past four years, and am just starting on the fifth year this month. It's been a fabulous path for personal growth, and I have no regrets in taking these classes, despite the financial angst they've caused. I have no doubt in my mind that it was this sort of growth that led me to pursue animal communication, which still very much speaks to my heart, and which I very much still want to do. But, at this time, all these things are a bit far off as far as being able to make a living on any of them. For Core, I can't really do work as a Core Energetics Therapist, because I'm not a licensed therapist. Graduating Core doesn't authorize me to do anything other than say I graduated Core, really. Sure, I could do the Life Coach thing, or something of that ilk, but that's not something I'm interested in. Without the complementary degree of some sort of graduate degree in psychology or social work, I can't do the therapy thing. And that's not really what I want to do anyway. Years ago I thought it was, and I know I'd be pretty good at it (or so I've been told), but that's not where my passion lies nowadays.
Animal communication requires me to have a lot more spare time than I've had in the past, and can guarantee to have in a future that involves me having a full-time job. And *checks lottery numbers* it looks like that's the future I'm destined for, if I want to continue to live in an apartment with the various amenities I have. The fact is, to continue to pursue this path is going to require a much stronger base of time and money in the short term in order to achieve this long-term goal. And it *is* still a goal.
So, that brings me to nursing. An LPN like myself can get training to be an RN in one year in most cases (going full time). This can also be done online, although I've disdained this approach in the past, because I just can't wrap my head around how something as hands-on as nursing can be taught primarily in an online course, with (in most cases) one weekend of clinical work to prove you can do it in the real world. I mean, I've been a nurse for 15 years, so I think I've got a pretty good handle on the hands-on stuff, but what about someone who hasn't had that experience? And where do you draw the line for time and experience? Nursing is such that there's a HUGE array of discrete experiences one can acquire over the course of one's career. So, yeah, been leery of it. However, Pam was saying that one of her other clients (also an LPN) had decided to pursue an online RN, and, given all the stuff above, I thought it might be a good idea. So, I looked into it briefly, but ended up putting it aside when it asked for a copy of my GRE scores (why an undergraduate program of any kind, especially one for an Associate's Degree, which is what an RN is at its most basic level, would have any interest in GRE scores is beyond me), and I didn't have a copy of these. I should have just said I didn't have any, but... Anyway, I set it aside.
So, in the meantime, I'm remembering that I've heard through the grapevine that, if you work for Emory, you can go to school there for free. Emory is a fabulous school for anything medical, and one that I'd had every intention of attending to get my RN when I first moved down here. Long story short, that didn't happen, but suddenly this possibility seemed much more real and possible. Turns out they have a program where, if you already have a Bachelor's Degree (which I do, in psychology), they have a program where you can get a BSN (Bachelor of Science in Nursing, as opposed to the Associate Degree in Nursing which I mentioned earlier that most RNs have) in just 2 years (going full-time, of course). Now, I can't find anything that says that have any LPN-to-RN courses, so that means they might not give me credit for my prior nursing classes, but to be able to get an RN/BSN from Emory would kick SOOO much ass. Not a bad thing at all to have a psych degree from one of the top 10 schools in psychology in the country, followed by a nursing degree from one of the top 10 medical schools in the country. Looks great on the ol' resume'. So, I've pretty much been aggressively pursuing employment at Emory since then. At this point, they're the only company I'm applying to. I've had a couple of interviews, which mostly went well, but not well enough. Part of it was the STAR interviewing format they use. I'd been with only David for so long, and the questions were so out of the blue to me that, the first time around, I just really couldn't think of examples of what they were asking. The second time around, I had much better examples (including one involving masturbation, which I think broke one of the interviewers), but the feedback I got from the Human Resources lady was that I had the job in the bag until towards the end when I started getting (more comfortable and therefore) chatty, and offered up too much information about past jobs, including mentioning that I'd been fired before. To me, that's just honesty, but I can totally see her point. Noted for next time around. I figure I'll just keep interviewing there until they tell me I can't, or until I get it right.
I did also go back to the online nursing degree to look at that more fully, in case I didn't get hired at Emory, or whatever. Suddenly, though, the online school that the lady had done so much research on, good program, accredited in all 50 states, etc., was no longer there. I followed up with her, and she confirmed that there were now problems with this. So, I need to look into other programs, but this all just supports my idea that online nursing isn't very ...nurse-y.
The jobs I've interviewed for thus far have all been Monday-Friday day jobs, which I thought would preclude my taking the fifth year of Core, which I talked to Pam about in our appointment yesterday. I'd still pay her, so that wasn't an issue, 'cause I still owe money for the first 4 years, and pre-paying for the next time the fifth year rolls around would be a good thing. But she said that she'd work around that schedule, if it happened. If I get a job with that schedule, that means I'd be going to night classes. Then David at night. Then Core on one Sunday a month, plus 2 hours of personal therapy a month, and one hour of individual supervision a month. PLUS, needing to get a client to see once a month. (Yes, that's me soliciting, but I'm not allowed to be more than an acquaintance with anyone I see.) So, very very busy. At least as busy as I was when working all day for David. But somehow, this seems better - like I'm moving forward, rather than stagnating and wilting. Plus, there's an end in sight. I feel good about it.
My *ideal* situation would be to get a midnight shift (7:00pm-7:00am) at Wesley Woods, which is literally right around the corner within walking distance of my house. I'd have to cut back on my nights with David, but it would be worth it. I could take the day classes, which would presumably get me done quicker, I could still do Core, and more easily, and I might also have something of a life, more or less. That position is open, and I've been informed that I'm being considered for it, but no interview as of yet. I think it's a good thing I've had a couple of trial runs, with good feedback, because that might help me out. The only drawback is that I don't have IV training. Well, technically, I have, but I don't have the paperwork to prove it, and no idea what the name of the company was that I took the training from, so I can't get it. I don't really remember anything about it, anyway. I did ask the Human Resources lady I've been talking to at Emory if they offer classes I could take to get that certification to increase my chances of getting this job, but she said I'd have to look for independent companies, which I have. Just need to find something local.
So, anyway, that's the state of my life as it relates to my job/education/etc.. There are more things going on, obviously, but that's where my focus has been a great deal of the time. If I feel inspired, I might write more later. They've finally turned the water back on in my apartment, and I'm dying to brush my teeth. And doing laundry might be a good thing, too.
