bookofmirrors | Ummm... Yay Me?

This entry scares the helloutta me, for reasons I mentioned in the previous post.

OK, so, ummm... shit I've done right lately...

(Note: As I'm sitting here thinking about things to write that are good, every single one of them comes with a dismissal or a disclaimer in my head - a reason why the good things really aren't so good. No wonder this LJ comes across as so negative! I'm going to force myself to write JUST the good parts of the good parts. Just be aware that, in my head, I've made them Not Good Enough, if not outright Bad. How fucked up is that???)

I've been better about the house, the laundry, and the bills.

I've made time for myself.

I've tried really hard to explore myself, my motivations, my actions.

My relationship with my husband is as strong, if not stronger, than it's ever been. We're dealing with each other as equals, and learning so much along the way. I'm learning to step back from things while he takes the lead, and I'm learning to enjoy not being the one in charge all the time.

Really, when it comes down to it, that's my happiest achievement lately. This whole codependency thing - learning to think in new terms, being able to compare my distorted views with reality, and seeing where they don't overlap, and dealing with both the reality, and my emotional response to it. I see what is my screwed-up thinking, and what is reality. And when I think I don't have a good grasp on that, I ask. I'm enjoying the company of my husband in ways I never thought possible, sharing more with him, allowing myself to be weak when I need to, and strong when I feel that. I'm becoming more me, I think, and that's a great thing for any relationship.

OK, and now I'm running before I find a way to refute what I just said.