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BlogSpot Entry
Jun. 3rd, 2002 10:40 amMonday, June 3, 2002
I really haven't the foggiest idea what to write here. I basically just came here, hoping if I put fingers to keys, some form of wisdom would appear here.
I know the content of this blog has left much to be desired lately. I wish I could say I've been so busy working shit out that I haven't felt the need to write, or had the time to write (well, the time part is true, at any rate...) I have been busy - horrendously so. And being busy has kept me from going to the Yoga classes that I really enjoy, and that I know were helping me. And I know there must be a reason for this, and I know that somehow this is all working out for the best (because I truly believe in that), but I'm having a hard time seeing how right now.
Yemanja spoke to me tonight, which she hasn't done in months. I was placing her beads on her altar, and she said they needed to stay there a while. It sort of had the feel of being kicked out of the rent-free parents home, so that you are forced to go out and make a living and fend for yourself, without leaning on what you never really needed to begin with.
Wanting, of course, is another matter entirely.
I'm on days this week, due to some issues at work (good issues), which allowed me to attend BorderPagans for the first time in months. I really enjoyed it, even though we did the "What's your path" variation question. It was very good to be with community again. And very encouraging to see that there seem to be no negative repurcussions from my leaving the official group. Everyone seemed warm, and open. Makes me want to be a part of it again, a little. But I know that's my fear talking. The part that just wants to follow the rules, let other people tell me how good or bad I am.
I got upset at Glenn tonight, because he's been having a very bad past few days, and he came home and rushed to the computer to play MorrowWind. I told him that it upset me greatly to see him run to his escape, and that he was being extremely disrespectful and hurtful to himself, and while he may think he deserved that, what he needed was the exact opposite. I told him that I wouldn't tolerate anyone else treating him that badly, and that he was lucky I was being gentle with him. It felt very Yemanja... the mother that protects her children ferociously. (A bad analogy, given my history of taking people under my wing... but still.)
It occurs to me that I should defend my Wounded Child just as fiercely. The tempest raging against all who would hurt her, who have hurt her.
Hmmmm.... that feels right... and if it weren't late, and people (including Glenn) sleeping, I might explore that more vocally... I almost FEEL angry...
Well, that's a start. And a very good one.
Anyway, so tired right now. To sleep... perchance to dream.
--K'La
I really haven't the foggiest idea what to write here. I basically just came here, hoping if I put fingers to keys, some form of wisdom would appear here.
I know the content of this blog has left much to be desired lately. I wish I could say I've been so busy working shit out that I haven't felt the need to write, or had the time to write (well, the time part is true, at any rate...) I have been busy - horrendously so. And being busy has kept me from going to the Yoga classes that I really enjoy, and that I know were helping me. And I know there must be a reason for this, and I know that somehow this is all working out for the best (because I truly believe in that), but I'm having a hard time seeing how right now.
Yemanja spoke to me tonight, which she hasn't done in months. I was placing her beads on her altar, and she said they needed to stay there a while. It sort of had the feel of being kicked out of the rent-free parents home, so that you are forced to go out and make a living and fend for yourself, without leaning on what you never really needed to begin with.
Wanting, of course, is another matter entirely.
I'm on days this week, due to some issues at work (good issues), which allowed me to attend BorderPagans for the first time in months. I really enjoyed it, even though we did the "What's your path" variation question. It was very good to be with community again. And very encouraging to see that there seem to be no negative repurcussions from my leaving the official group. Everyone seemed warm, and open. Makes me want to be a part of it again, a little. But I know that's my fear talking. The part that just wants to follow the rules, let other people tell me how good or bad I am.
I got upset at Glenn tonight, because he's been having a very bad past few days, and he came home and rushed to the computer to play MorrowWind. I told him that it upset me greatly to see him run to his escape, and that he was being extremely disrespectful and hurtful to himself, and while he may think he deserved that, what he needed was the exact opposite. I told him that I wouldn't tolerate anyone else treating him that badly, and that he was lucky I was being gentle with him. It felt very Yemanja... the mother that protects her children ferociously. (A bad analogy, given my history of taking people under my wing... but still.)
It occurs to me that I should defend my Wounded Child just as fiercely. The tempest raging against all who would hurt her, who have hurt her.
Hmmmm.... that feels right... and if it weren't late, and people (including Glenn) sleeping, I might explore that more vocally... I almost FEEL angry...
Well, that's a start. And a very good one.
Anyway, so tired right now. To sleep... perchance to dream.
--K'La
