bookofmirrors | Shouldn't Frank Say Booooooo instead of Baaaa?

*shrug* Just a thought.

It would seem that the only person in Etherium who isn't in some sort of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or combination of the above, funk, is

blckwngdorcl.

lunenoire and I are both hoping not to bring him down, especially since things are usually the opposite.

Not being able to speak for them, I can only whine on my own account. I'd like to say there's just something in the air. I'm still feeling kinda 'eh' in general, but usually, this time of year is my favorite, the most energizing, the time when I just love life. I've been in that state most days for the past month, except for the past few. I figure it started on Wednesday, when I found out that, without telling me, they had taken 18 hours out of my paycheck. This was because, back when I had my Core classes, and I knew my paycheck was gonna be short, I asked them to give me enough vacation time to make it 80 hours. Well, due to several other issues going on that week (including Sona taking more out for lunches for everyone-not-just-me than they were supposed to), it turned out that, to make 80 hours, they gave me 17 more vacation hours than I had. Now, the owners were out of town during this time, and it never really got said what was going to happen with that overage, and how it was gonna be taken care of. It was implied that it was gonna be taken out of my overtime, 'cause there was a day that, if I came in, it was gonna be overtime, and they haven't been liking to pay that lately, so I called and asked if they really wanted me for that day, and they said to go ahead and come in, since I owed them, anyway. So, I figured that I was gonna be working 17 hours for free to make up for it. (Never mind that technically, since overtime is time-and-a-half, it would be more like 12 hours... I wasn't gonna quibble.) Anyway, to take my own share of the responsibility, I wasn't proactive about it. I didn't ask what was SPECIFICALLY going to happen to even up my vacation days. So, when Wednesday came, and my check was like $400 short, I kinda freaked. I let it go until Thursday, when I was able to talk to the owners, in hopes that it could be straightened out, and they could give me the difference back, and go ahead and take it out of my overtime. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. On the bright side, I no longer owe those hours, and the overtime I worked last week will actually go on my next paycheck (unless I really am coming down with something, or they find a reason not to pay it, or some other disaster befalls). On the downside, I could afford my rent, and that's it. After rent, I had less than $100 in my account, part of which, of course, went for gas. Part of it, admittedly, went for Starbucks and some fast food, but that was before I actually checked my balance, and was in the midst of the blissful ignorance that my paycheck was what it should have been.

Anyway, this on top of the past two months of not working with my evening clients, and working little to no overtime at Sona, which equals about $1000 less per month than I'm used to making... *sigh* You get the picture.

Also, I had utility bills in danger of being shut off, so I had to call and ask my dad to help out with that; he let me put them on his credit card. I hate doing that. But I hate not having heat and phone and electricity even more, y'know? So, I was unable to participate in the potluck at class yesterday. (Let me rephrase that. I chose to be martyrish about it. In a room full of generous people, I didn't feel worthy of sharing their bounty, feeling guilty for having none of my own.) So, I took this shake mix I had, and found out the hard way that, when I mix it with water instead of soymilk, it tastes like vomit. I choked it down, anyway, but was very unsatisfied by it. I came home feeling shitty, and went straight to bed (although I did have some of

lunenoire's cooking beforehand, so that was at least good. This morning, I woke up wanting something to eat, and didn't have time to fix anything I wanted, plus the cupboards are mostly bare right now to begin with. Cereal but no milk, peanut butter but no bread... that sort of thing. And yeah, I could have had one without the other, and just chose not to. So, I go through all my bag o' tricks. But there was nothing on my Starbucks card, nothing on my QT card... no cash to speak of... just NOTHING.

I so hate being this way. I have a college education, I'm a licensed nurse, I make good money. There's no reason this should be happening. However, since my own personal philosophy is, that if shit is happening to you, YOU and NO ONE ELSE is 100% responsible for it... well, this is my FAULT. (I usually make a huge distinction between fault and responsibility. Fault includes a judgement call, while responsibility does not. I don't believe in "fault", really. But today, I'm feeling down on myself, so the term "fault" feels "right" to me, if inaccurate.) So, there's something I'm doing, or not doing, that's causing this. Problem is, I'm in the middle of feeling down about it, feeling like I deserve it somehow, so I'm not in much of a state to crawl up out of it. Which, of course, is also my "fault".

*sigh*