Dreams and Awakenings
Oct. 20th, 2005 01:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsHmmmm... that's a much more auspicious subject line than this entry is really about... it implies some sort of revelation has occured, which it hasn't, but... it's poetic, and I like it, so there.
Anyway, I went to work yesterday per usual, and ended up staying after work to treat the Q100 makeover contest winner. Which was fine, but I noticed that my head was starting to hurt as time went on. I've been having a lot of headaches recently, now that I think of it, although I'm not sure if they're the migraines I was having before... Anyway, on the ride home, I felt somewhat out of it, and my vision was ...weird. I can't pinpoint what the problem was, but things just seemed... I hate to use the term "out of focus", 'cause that isn't exactly accurate. But it's like I didn't have any peripheral vision. Unless I was fully focused on something (and it was hard to focus sometimes), the rest was just a blur. Made me a little nervous, driving in the dark...
Anyway, I got home, not feeling quite myself.lunenoire immediately picked up on this, and said that I should rest. I had some of his fabulous spaghetti first, and watched mindless TV while I ate. The same visual stuff applied. Actually, now that I think of it, it's kinda like those Claritin commercials. Where they're talking about being Claritin clear, and the scene that you thought was just fine changes, and they "peel" off a layer, and suddenly it's sharper, crisper, brighter. I felt like everything I saw was through that type of film - it looked OK, but there was something just "off" about it.
So, then I had a dream. I was at work. Typical day. I was feeling kinda weird, limbs very heavy, my vision as I've described above. I'm sure I was coming across to my co-workers as distracted, but I couldn't quite place the feeling, and since it didn't feel like any kind of sick I could relate to, I just kinda kept going through the motions of work without saying anything, all the while being more and more distracted and fuzzy because of what was going on. In the part of the dream I remember vividly, even now, after having slept several more hours and caught up on email/LJ, I had just taken a chart from the rack, and was heading up front to get the client. I was having that fuzzy thing with the vision, and my limbs felt like lead. I fell on the way up, about halfway to the reception area. It wasn't like a "thunk" or anything like that. It's like I was walking, or trying to walk, and somehow fell slowly, and silently, to the floor... almost like swimming into it. I remember being on the floor, looking directly at Mo, who was looking at me in that moment of confusion and wonder, just before the "oh, shit, what just happened?" kicks in. I was on the floor, still trying to walk. Somehow, I got up. I think there were people around me who had seen what had happened, who were trying to get to me, trying to help me, but they were still sorta in shock, and their movements were sort of cluttered. I was equally cluttered in my movements, and somehow this ended up with me being over by the lobby area, but I hadn't called the client whose chart I held. I'm not sure I had a chart in my hands anymore, actually. I'm not sure where or why I was walking. I don't think I knew in the dream, either. I think I just figured I should be up and walking and working, not on the floor trying to walk while horizontal. My limbs were still heavy, my eyes still fuzzy. As I was walking, this client, one I didn't really recognize, but knew I had treated him before, and we'd had a good rapport, came up behind me and put his arms around me. This isn't unusual, for me to get hugs and physical gestures of affection from my clients... but this time, I was barely walking to begin with, and when he wrapped his arms around my waist, it threw off my equilibrium, and I was falling in that same soft slow motion, he with his arms still around me, as if it were perfectly natural, and me saying weakly "nononononooo...". He wasn't malicious about it... he just didn't get it, or it hadn't registered yet.
Anyway, I woke up around then, and felt very much like I felt in the dream. Heavy limbs, fuzzy eyes. I felt like I couldn't string two words together. I sincerely considered askinglunenoire to call off work for me, but was having trouble trying to figure out how to tell him to do that, so I dragged myself out of bed, and after several failed attempts (had a hard time reading the numbers on the page, and had a hard time dialing), I got a hold of Natalie, and called off. I don't even remember what I told her. I don't know if I sounded like I could put two words together or not. I think the best I could come up with when lunenoire and blckwngdorcl asked me why I wasn't going to work was "I feel weird".
Anyway, when I finally got up, I felt fuzzy and heavy, but not in the same way, I don't think. I've been sitting at the computer doing the catchup thing, and I don't seem to feel bad now. I feel a tad out of it, but not as much. I haven't really tried to push myself to do much. I'm not sure how I feel, exactly. I think I am gonna grab a bite to eat, and see what happens with that. I'm just gonna move slowly and see what happens.
I headed back to bed, having trouble getting comfortable, or even feeling like I was fully here. My nose was (is) stuffed up, and it was just hard getting back to sleep. I slept another 6 hours, and got up about an hour or two ago - I'm not sure.
Anyway, I went to work yesterday per usual, and ended up staying after work to treat the Q100 makeover contest winner. Which was fine, but I noticed that my head was starting to hurt as time went on. I've been having a lot of headaches recently, now that I think of it, although I'm not sure if they're the migraines I was having before... Anyway, on the ride home, I felt somewhat out of it, and my vision was ...weird. I can't pinpoint what the problem was, but things just seemed... I hate to use the term "out of focus", 'cause that isn't exactly accurate. But it's like I didn't have any peripheral vision. Unless I was fully focused on something (and it was hard to focus sometimes), the rest was just a blur. Made me a little nervous, driving in the dark...
Anyway, I got home, not feeling quite myself.
lunenoire immediately picked up on this, and said that I should rest. I had some of his fabulous spaghetti first, and watched mindless TV while I ate. The same visual stuff applied. Actually, now that I think of it, it's kinda like those Claritin commercials. Where they're talking about being Claritin clear, and the scene that you thought was just fine changes, and they "peel" off a layer, and suddenly it's sharper, crisper, brighter. I felt like everything I saw was through that type of film - it looked OK, but there was something just "off" about it.So, then I had a dream. I was at work. Typical day. I was feeling kinda weird, limbs very heavy, my vision as I've described above. I'm sure I was coming across to my co-workers as distracted, but I couldn't quite place the feeling, and since it didn't feel like any kind of sick I could relate to, I just kinda kept going through the motions of work without saying anything, all the while being more and more distracted and fuzzy because of what was going on. In the part of the dream I remember vividly, even now, after having slept several more hours and caught up on email/LJ, I had just taken a chart from the rack, and was heading up front to get the client. I was having that fuzzy thing with the vision, and my limbs felt like lead. I fell on the way up, about halfway to the reception area. It wasn't like a "thunk" or anything like that. It's like I was walking, or trying to walk, and somehow fell slowly, and silently, to the floor... almost like swimming into it. I remember being on the floor, looking directly at Mo, who was looking at me in that moment of confusion and wonder, just before the "oh, shit, what just happened?" kicks in. I was on the floor, still trying to walk. Somehow, I got up. I think there were people around me who had seen what had happened, who were trying to get to me, trying to help me, but they were still sorta in shock, and their movements were sort of cluttered. I was equally cluttered in my movements, and somehow this ended up with me being over by the lobby area, but I hadn't called the client whose chart I held. I'm not sure I had a chart in my hands anymore, actually. I'm not sure where or why I was walking. I don't think I knew in the dream, either. I think I just figured I should be up and walking and working, not on the floor trying to walk while horizontal. My limbs were still heavy, my eyes still fuzzy. As I was walking, this client, one I didn't really recognize, but knew I had treated him before, and we'd had a good rapport, came up behind me and put his arms around me. This isn't unusual, for me to get hugs and physical gestures of affection from my clients... but this time, I was barely walking to begin with, and when he wrapped his arms around my waist, it threw off my equilibrium, and I was falling in that same soft slow motion, he with his arms still around me, as if it were perfectly natural, and me saying weakly "nononononooo...". He wasn't malicious about it... he just didn't get it, or it hadn't registered yet.
Anyway, I woke up around then, and felt very much like I felt in the dream. Heavy limbs, fuzzy eyes. I felt like I couldn't string two words together. I sincerely considered asking
lunenoire to call off work for me, but was having trouble trying to figure out how to tell him to do that, so I dragged myself out of bed, and after several failed attempts (had a hard time reading the numbers on the page, and had a hard time dialing), I got a hold of Natalie, and called off. I don't even remember what I told her. I don't know if I sounded like I could put two words together or not. I think the best I could come up with when lunenoire and blckwngdorcl asked me why I wasn't going to work was "I feel weird".Anyway, when I finally got up, I felt fuzzy and heavy, but not in the same way, I don't think. I've been sitting at the computer doing the catchup thing, and I don't seem to feel bad now. I feel a tad out of it, but not as much. I haven't really tried to push myself to do much. I'm not sure how I feel, exactly. I think I am gonna grab a bite to eat, and see what happens with that. I'm just gonna move slowly and see what happens.
I headed back to bed, having trouble getting comfortable, or even feeling like I was fully here. My nose was (is) stuffed up, and it was just hard getting back to sleep. I slept another 6 hours, and got up about an hour or two ago - I'm not sure.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-20 07:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-20 10:35 pm (UTC)whatever is about to happen will happen soon...
welcome to the age of aquarius..
for me i keep feeling like i am in a dream...like the matrix. it almost seems like a thin veneer of "normalcy" has been put over everything, like a fragile 2 way mirror. behind the mirror is shadows...
anyway hope you get to feeling better soon...