BlogSpot Entry
Oct. 15th, 2002 11:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsWell, between getting married and the honeymoon (such as it was) and a myriad of other things (mostly related to the above), I haven't written here in a long time. I tried once... like 3 times, trying to put down the results of an almost-meditation I'd had, but it kept just going away. I'm wondering if the gods were trying to tell me that it wasn't for public consumption. I kinda disagree with that. I mean, there are two main reasons I do this (blog)... one is just to get the stuff on "paper", to have an outlet for my ideas, thoughts, whatever. I find that if I start typing about something, even if I didn't necessarily have a clear idea of where it was gonna go, or even if I didn't have an answer before, by the time I'm done putting stream-of-consciousness to paper, an answer, or at least an understanding, has come to me. It's useful just for that. But the other reason I blog is as a defiance to my own fear. It's scary to put yourself out there for public consumption and not hold anything back. Granted, the list of people I give this blog to is extremely short, but I know that any member of the general public could stumble upon this, and there's even a (probably small) chance that someone I know personally could happen upon it. There are also a few ways that someone who knows me well could probably find this. So, even though I've tried to protect myself to some extent, I know I'm basically out there. And part of me would like to be brave enough to just add it to a business card and let people have at it, y'know? Well, maybe someday.
Anyway, there are a LOT of things that have happened in the past few weeks that I've wanted to blog. I'll probably give them their own separate entries, although I've noticed that doing so makes everything publish backwards, so I might not.
As I said the blog that it choked on was on a meditation I did. Keep in mind that when I say "meditation", I'm not referring to the wonderful state of peace where I go into another world of sorts and commune with whoever. I'm referring to my attempts to do so, in which I sometimes get nothing, and never leave the physical world, or to my attempts where I actually make contact, but I'm still very much aware that I'm not fully "there". The meditation in question was the latter type. Those are almost worse. SOOO frustrating. I can feel myself immersed surrounded by this energy that's so strong, and so powerful, but I can't seem to step into it, become a part of it. As a result, it's equally refreshing and exciting as it also feels like the energetic equivalent of having bugs crawling all over me - and the creepy sensation usually wins out. In this particular meditation, I was hoping to speak to Sekhmet again. I don't remember a lot of it... partially because I went to blog it before I forgot, and after all the botched attempts, I got frustrated and never wrote anything down, and I ended up losing most of it in my head. The gist of it was that I found Sekhmet, but I think I found Anubis first. I was kinda startled to see him there. I can't remember what, if anything, was said to me by either of them, but I remember that creepy energy feeling (and by creepy, I don't mean that it feels like "bad" energy... it's perfectly good energy, that I can't seem to assimilate) getting stronger and stronger, till I'm thrashing around in my bed... couldn't ground it, couldn't take it in, couldn't get rid of it. And somehow, in all that, I suddenly end up doing a menage a trois with said deities. Orgasm does much to dissipate the energy, but damn. This is the second time that I've had sex with some sort of deity or similar being in my meditations (the first time, it was when I really COULD meditate, and that was with my cougar totem, when I was in the form of a tiger). I'm thinking that's gotta be kinda weird. I don't remember anything else about it anymore. Now, I'm gonna post this before it's lost. :) Then I'll get to the other stuff that I wanna post. Today's gonna be a long day.
K'La posted this at 10/15/2002 08:48:09 AM.
I've also had a couple memorable dreams. One I can post here, one is going to be a pain in the ass to retrieve. The first is as follows:
10/07/2002
We were all in a house. “We” included me, Glenn, Rob, Mikey, Tim Clinton, Jeremy, Scarlett, and perhaps others (and I’m partially guessing on these). For some reason, we all left. I ended up leaving alone. I got the impression that we were all getting together later, although there was no meeting set up. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that the sense of friendship and companionship made it clear that we would be together again, and that all of us going our separate ways when leaving the house wasn’t a bad thing at all.
I ended up in this country general store-type place. I somehow got the message that Jeremy was there, and wanted to talk to me. So, I walked back to the back of the store where I knew he was to talk to him. It turns out he was working there, in the mail room, and wanted to talk to me about it, because he thought it might be a good job for Glenn, and he thought that they (or some store in the same chain) needed someone for that position. During this time, he was sitting on a stool near some glass shelves containing various toy-type knick-knacks – kaleidoscopes and the like. To his right, my left, there was a section in the wall that was in contrast to the mostly modern look of this section of the store. It basically looked like a big safe door made out of old, dark, weathered wood. I understood that this was the mail room. Jeremy said that the job was easy, and he got to spend a lot of it just sitting there as he was when he was talking to me. He basically said he got paid to be bored, which allowed him to pursue other things while he was there, so he thought Glenn might be interested in a job like that. I promised to tell Glenn about it, and left.
I don’t know if I was given instructions by someone or not, but I somehow knew I was on my way to an aquarium. Perhaps when I ran into Mark Jensen/Tim, they told me so. The person I ran into was initially Mark, but he fluctuated with Tim, and finally became Tim altogether. We were walking along, talking about going to the aquarium. I think I was just kinda going along to keep him company, since I had no agenda at the aquarium. I asked if he was going to this one particular aquarium I knew, and he said that, no, most people he knew went there, but Shayne had told him that he went to this other place, and Tim should check them out, so Tim was going to do that. During the time that Mark/Tim was talking to me as we were casually walking out to his truck, he would occasionally reach over and play with my pussy while we walked. It was one of those obviously deliberate things, but it was done with such matter-of-factness, and absolutely no mention of what was going on that it almost seemed like it was an accident. Like his mind didn’t no what his hand was doing, and therefore made no comment on it, nor did it act like it knew anything about it. Eventually, however, as we walked and talked, it became constant. He was rubbing around my clit the entire time he was talking to me. Finally, I said, “Why are you doing that?” He replied (something to the effect of), “We have [some time frame I can’t remember… something like 15 minutes] before we need to be there, and I intend to bring you to zero before we get there.” At this point, he became all Tim. By “to zero”, I knew he meant that he was going to make me cum. This, of course, kind of excited me. Not just that he was considering it, and it was sex, after all, but the matter-of-fact, you-have-no-choice-in-the-matter way in which he said it. Very commanding, and knowing of Tim’s dom tendencies, I was excited by the thought. So we got to the truck, and he stops playing with me, but basically gets me sitting in the passenger seat to his liking, and says that I’m to eat/drink what he gives me. At that point, someone else came in the truck to administer the food/drink. He basically explained that the drink was drugged (I don’t remember if he said what the drug was supposed to do, although I assumed it was a typical BDSM play-type drug that lowered the inhibitions, made one more pliable, or some such), and that I was to take it, it was part of the rules. I hesitated very little in doing so. The person (chick?) that gave it to me had the liquid in an eye dropper, and put it on some chalky, wafer-like candies, so it would soak in; then she gave it to me. I was in the middle of chewing on one of them when Tim got out for some reason. I remember wishing I had gone to the bathroom earlier, and hoping I didn’t embarrass myself. I think I asked him if I could, and he told me no.
Anyway, he got out of the truck, and I’m being fed these wafers, when I look over, and Tim is right outside the passenger window, and there’s this other guy there I don’t know, seeming kinda like a young punk type, but at the same time, kinda like a yuppie… kinda like the dark-haired guy in Roswell (the TV show). This guy was holding a gun to Tim’s head. I could see the back of the guy, and the gun at Tim’s head, and I could see Tim in profile, facing the front of the truck. It was kind of in a haze, and I remember getting the impression that this guy wasn’t really dangerous, and I wasn’t real clear on if Tim was even scared or not. Anyway, as a result of my eyes and my “senses” telling me two different things, I moved kinda slowly. I remember rolling down the window, trying to hit the guy in the head, distract him, or something, but they were too far away for me to reach him. So, I’m remembering that Tim has a shitload of fallback contingency stuff in his truck (I’m remembering this clearly… not like in a dream where you just know shit, but actually remembering the conversation with him about it, which leads me to believe that I had that conversation in another dream that I didn’t recall before now), and I got out of the truck, and went hunting under the seat. For some reason, this didn’t phase the guy whatsoever… it was like he didn’t even notice that I was there, fishing around for something, and when I pulled out a big black maglite and started walking toward him (his back was still turned to me), it was like he was totally oblivious.
Here’s where it gets fuzzy. Suddenly, I’m not the only one there. Tim is there, the guy is there, the chick in the truck that was feeding me wafers is just gone (her job was done), and all the sudden, Rob, Tim Mercer, I think Mikey, I think Glenn were there, and Scarlett was there (although it seemed more like she was waiting for us to be done with this nonsense), and they were all prepared to attack this guy, too. So the guy left. Not like he was afraid of us, but almost as if everyone being there was his cue to leave. Kinda like, ‘oh, you’re all here… that’s no fun anymore… ’, and he just left. Tim C didn’t seem the least bit upset about it, and I remember sort of raging about it. Pacing around, talking to myself (and anyone who would listen) rather loudly… things to the effect of, “I KNEW there wasn’t any danger. I watched what was happening, but I couldn’t feel anything. NOTHING. There was NOTHING!!” and being very upset that I’d been fooled. Somehow, though, I kinda got the impression that some people were pleased with me, that I’d gone ahead to make sure Tim was safe. I think there was actually some discussion about it, where I was praised for it, and I think Rob was involved in the discussion.
Finally, Scarlett came up, and she apparently worked in a store nearby. In fact, I think it was one of the same kind of stores that Jeremy worked in, and she’d been wanting to talk to Glenn about working there in the mail room. She was coming out to tell Glenn and I about the job. I remember still wanting to go to the bathroom, and I asked her where the bathroom was, but then thought that Tim hadn’t released me from sub mode, and I’d better ask him before I did. I asked (it was almost like I asked him through another person, or telepathically, because his answer came back, but instead of hearing it, it was like I saw it typewritten in my head) if I could, and he responded something like, “Yes, you have my permission”, which I understood to mean that he “got” what I was trying to do by asking him in the first place, which was give him that respect as due a dom.
I think that was when I woke up.
I'm re-reading this now, and trying to think if I have any thoughts on it. Other than I'd love to play sub to Tim for a while, but hey, I already know that in the waking world. ;) First of all, the house thing - houses are typically metaphors for the self when they show up in dreams, and that's probably pretty close. I think in this case, the house was just as much the community I was placing myself in... it had elements of people from work, people from WWC, people I know more peripherally... but all people I choose to associate with. I think the whole thing about us going our separate ways is very telling. Kinda reassuring... if we part for a while, we'll still get back together. This is especially important to me for what's going on with Rob.
As far as the general store thing, I'm not sure what to make of that. Maybe just an encouraging messsage (along with the part at the end where Scarlett offers Glenn a job) that he'll find something that suits him when he goes back to school. I hope so.
Not sure what the deal was with Tim. I'm glossing over the sexual content as pure fantasy on my part. The part I think is more significant is the whole wafer-eating thing, and what follows with the guy Tim was with. I think that's basically a way to say that I'm entirely too willing to follow others' leads, but that doing so wouldn't necessarily harm me, per se. For instance, I knew the wafers would dull my senses and lower my inhibitions. However, I knew what was going to happen, with or without them, as far as sex went, and I was willing to go through with it, regardless, so eating the wafers seemed inconsequential to me. In this case, I was already doing with I wanted to do. I figured the wafers might just add an edge to it that I might enjoy, like dropping acid. I also think I was humoring Tim in the dream. Like he thought I needed the wafers to do it, and I knew better, but I figured if it made him feel better to have that "extra" power over me, I could play along. Like me giving it of my own free will was threatening to him in some way. If I were to take this out of the sexual arena and apply it to life in general, I think that makes a lot of sense. I do a lot of things to tone down my own power. Both in actuality, and as a way to avoid threatening people who (I perceive) would be freaked out by it. Now, in the dream, this didn't really have terrible consequences, other than I spent my energy (attempting to whack the guy with Tim) on something that I knew, deep down, I really didn't need to spend energy on at all. Inside, I knew perfectly well it was OK, and would work out fine. But, I was unsure of my feelings, 'cause what my eyes were showing me was potentially threatening. Also, the risk of doing nothing and having something bad happen versus just letting whatever happened happen, seemed dangerous. I didn't want to be held responsible for being wrong. And really, nothing bad happened. In fact, the moment I took action, everyone else was there, ready to help me, and in fact praised me for taking action. This is a good thing, right? Then why was I raging about it? Nothing bad had happened, people liked me, and liked what I'd done. But I was furious with myself for being taken in by what my eyes told me, rather than what I felt. It wasn't 'cause something bad had happened... it was more like, "Dammit, I've done it AGAIN". So, I'm thinkin' that's a clear message to follow my own feelings, and fuck everyone else. Even if it means I don't get that praise. Hmmmm.... this is actually something that's come up before, in the whole leaving Safe Harbor thing. A pattern, no doubt. And, if it keeps coming back to me, even in dreams, it would seem that I haven't fully learned that lesson. Something to ponder. Not sure what to make of that last paragraph, so I'm leaving that be for now.
The other dream I had was longer, probably more significant, and I got up to write it down, and as a result, remember very little of it now. This was during the time we thought Glenn's computer was dead (turned out I had just left a floppy in the drive, and Windows couldn't boot from it... ), so we had my computer, which doesn't currently have internet access, up. So, I typed it there, but in order to get it from there to here, I'd have to unhook Glenn's computer, hook up mine, copy it to a floppy, unhook mine, rehook Glenn's, and copy it over from disk, THEN blog it. Entirely too much of a pain in my ass, especially when I'm basically sick. So, we're waiting on that one.
This seems like a good place to publish before I go on to another subject. :)
Anyway, there are a LOT of things that have happened in the past few weeks that I've wanted to blog. I'll probably give them their own separate entries, although I've noticed that doing so makes everything publish backwards, so I might not.
As I said the blog that it choked on was on a meditation I did. Keep in mind that when I say "meditation", I'm not referring to the wonderful state of peace where I go into another world of sorts and commune with whoever. I'm referring to my attempts to do so, in which I sometimes get nothing, and never leave the physical world, or to my attempts where I actually make contact, but I'm still very much aware that I'm not fully "there". The meditation in question was the latter type. Those are almost worse. SOOO frustrating. I can feel myself immersed surrounded by this energy that's so strong, and so powerful, but I can't seem to step into it, become a part of it. As a result, it's equally refreshing and exciting as it also feels like the energetic equivalent of having bugs crawling all over me - and the creepy sensation usually wins out. In this particular meditation, I was hoping to speak to Sekhmet again. I don't remember a lot of it... partially because I went to blog it before I forgot, and after all the botched attempts, I got frustrated and never wrote anything down, and I ended up losing most of it in my head. The gist of it was that I found Sekhmet, but I think I found Anubis first. I was kinda startled to see him there. I can't remember what, if anything, was said to me by either of them, but I remember that creepy energy feeling (and by creepy, I don't mean that it feels like "bad" energy... it's perfectly good energy, that I can't seem to assimilate) getting stronger and stronger, till I'm thrashing around in my bed... couldn't ground it, couldn't take it in, couldn't get rid of it. And somehow, in all that, I suddenly end up doing a menage a trois with said deities. Orgasm does much to dissipate the energy, but damn. This is the second time that I've had sex with some sort of deity or similar being in my meditations (the first time, it was when I really COULD meditate, and that was with my cougar totem, when I was in the form of a tiger). I'm thinking that's gotta be kinda weird. I don't remember anything else about it anymore. Now, I'm gonna post this before it's lost. :) Then I'll get to the other stuff that I wanna post. Today's gonna be a long day.
K'La posted this at 10/15/2002 08:48:09 AM.
I've also had a couple memorable dreams. One I can post here, one is going to be a pain in the ass to retrieve. The first is as follows:
10/07/2002
We were all in a house. “We” included me, Glenn, Rob, Mikey, Tim Clinton, Jeremy, Scarlett, and perhaps others (and I’m partially guessing on these). For some reason, we all left. I ended up leaving alone. I got the impression that we were all getting together later, although there was no meeting set up. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that the sense of friendship and companionship made it clear that we would be together again, and that all of us going our separate ways when leaving the house wasn’t a bad thing at all.
I ended up in this country general store-type place. I somehow got the message that Jeremy was there, and wanted to talk to me. So, I walked back to the back of the store where I knew he was to talk to him. It turns out he was working there, in the mail room, and wanted to talk to me about it, because he thought it might be a good job for Glenn, and he thought that they (or some store in the same chain) needed someone for that position. During this time, he was sitting on a stool near some glass shelves containing various toy-type knick-knacks – kaleidoscopes and the like. To his right, my left, there was a section in the wall that was in contrast to the mostly modern look of this section of the store. It basically looked like a big safe door made out of old, dark, weathered wood. I understood that this was the mail room. Jeremy said that the job was easy, and he got to spend a lot of it just sitting there as he was when he was talking to me. He basically said he got paid to be bored, which allowed him to pursue other things while he was there, so he thought Glenn might be interested in a job like that. I promised to tell Glenn about it, and left.
I don’t know if I was given instructions by someone or not, but I somehow knew I was on my way to an aquarium. Perhaps when I ran into Mark Jensen/Tim, they told me so. The person I ran into was initially Mark, but he fluctuated with Tim, and finally became Tim altogether. We were walking along, talking about going to the aquarium. I think I was just kinda going along to keep him company, since I had no agenda at the aquarium. I asked if he was going to this one particular aquarium I knew, and he said that, no, most people he knew went there, but Shayne had told him that he went to this other place, and Tim should check them out, so Tim was going to do that. During the time that Mark/Tim was talking to me as we were casually walking out to his truck, he would occasionally reach over and play with my pussy while we walked. It was one of those obviously deliberate things, but it was done with such matter-of-factness, and absolutely no mention of what was going on that it almost seemed like it was an accident. Like his mind didn’t no what his hand was doing, and therefore made no comment on it, nor did it act like it knew anything about it. Eventually, however, as we walked and talked, it became constant. He was rubbing around my clit the entire time he was talking to me. Finally, I said, “Why are you doing that?” He replied (something to the effect of), “We have [some time frame I can’t remember… something like 15 minutes] before we need to be there, and I intend to bring you to zero before we get there.” At this point, he became all Tim. By “to zero”, I knew he meant that he was going to make me cum. This, of course, kind of excited me. Not just that he was considering it, and it was sex, after all, but the matter-of-fact, you-have-no-choice-in-the-matter way in which he said it. Very commanding, and knowing of Tim’s dom tendencies, I was excited by the thought. So we got to the truck, and he stops playing with me, but basically gets me sitting in the passenger seat to his liking, and says that I’m to eat/drink what he gives me. At that point, someone else came in the truck to administer the food/drink. He basically explained that the drink was drugged (I don’t remember if he said what the drug was supposed to do, although I assumed it was a typical BDSM play-type drug that lowered the inhibitions, made one more pliable, or some such), and that I was to take it, it was part of the rules. I hesitated very little in doing so. The person (chick?) that gave it to me had the liquid in an eye dropper, and put it on some chalky, wafer-like candies, so it would soak in; then she gave it to me. I was in the middle of chewing on one of them when Tim got out for some reason. I remember wishing I had gone to the bathroom earlier, and hoping I didn’t embarrass myself. I think I asked him if I could, and he told me no.
Anyway, he got out of the truck, and I’m being fed these wafers, when I look over, and Tim is right outside the passenger window, and there’s this other guy there I don’t know, seeming kinda like a young punk type, but at the same time, kinda like a yuppie… kinda like the dark-haired guy in Roswell (the TV show). This guy was holding a gun to Tim’s head. I could see the back of the guy, and the gun at Tim’s head, and I could see Tim in profile, facing the front of the truck. It was kind of in a haze, and I remember getting the impression that this guy wasn’t really dangerous, and I wasn’t real clear on if Tim was even scared or not. Anyway, as a result of my eyes and my “senses” telling me two different things, I moved kinda slowly. I remember rolling down the window, trying to hit the guy in the head, distract him, or something, but they were too far away for me to reach him. So, I’m remembering that Tim has a shitload of fallback contingency stuff in his truck (I’m remembering this clearly… not like in a dream where you just know shit, but actually remembering the conversation with him about it, which leads me to believe that I had that conversation in another dream that I didn’t recall before now), and I got out of the truck, and went hunting under the seat. For some reason, this didn’t phase the guy whatsoever… it was like he didn’t even notice that I was there, fishing around for something, and when I pulled out a big black maglite and started walking toward him (his back was still turned to me), it was like he was totally oblivious.
Here’s where it gets fuzzy. Suddenly, I’m not the only one there. Tim is there, the guy is there, the chick in the truck that was feeding me wafers is just gone (her job was done), and all the sudden, Rob, Tim Mercer, I think Mikey, I think Glenn were there, and Scarlett was there (although it seemed more like she was waiting for us to be done with this nonsense), and they were all prepared to attack this guy, too. So the guy left. Not like he was afraid of us, but almost as if everyone being there was his cue to leave. Kinda like, ‘oh, you’re all here… that’s no fun anymore… ’, and he just left. Tim C didn’t seem the least bit upset about it, and I remember sort of raging about it. Pacing around, talking to myself (and anyone who would listen) rather loudly… things to the effect of, “I KNEW there wasn’t any danger. I watched what was happening, but I couldn’t feel anything. NOTHING. There was NOTHING!!” and being very upset that I’d been fooled. Somehow, though, I kinda got the impression that some people were pleased with me, that I’d gone ahead to make sure Tim was safe. I think there was actually some discussion about it, where I was praised for it, and I think Rob was involved in the discussion.
Finally, Scarlett came up, and she apparently worked in a store nearby. In fact, I think it was one of the same kind of stores that Jeremy worked in, and she’d been wanting to talk to Glenn about working there in the mail room. She was coming out to tell Glenn and I about the job. I remember still wanting to go to the bathroom, and I asked her where the bathroom was, but then thought that Tim hadn’t released me from sub mode, and I’d better ask him before I did. I asked (it was almost like I asked him through another person, or telepathically, because his answer came back, but instead of hearing it, it was like I saw it typewritten in my head) if I could, and he responded something like, “Yes, you have my permission”, which I understood to mean that he “got” what I was trying to do by asking him in the first place, which was give him that respect as due a dom.
I think that was when I woke up.
I'm re-reading this now, and trying to think if I have any thoughts on it. Other than I'd love to play sub to Tim for a while, but hey, I already know that in the waking world. ;) First of all, the house thing - houses are typically metaphors for the self when they show up in dreams, and that's probably pretty close. I think in this case, the house was just as much the community I was placing myself in... it had elements of people from work, people from WWC, people I know more peripherally... but all people I choose to associate with. I think the whole thing about us going our separate ways is very telling. Kinda reassuring... if we part for a while, we'll still get back together. This is especially important to me for what's going on with Rob.
As far as the general store thing, I'm not sure what to make of that. Maybe just an encouraging messsage (along with the part at the end where Scarlett offers Glenn a job) that he'll find something that suits him when he goes back to school. I hope so.
Not sure what the deal was with Tim. I'm glossing over the sexual content as pure fantasy on my part. The part I think is more significant is the whole wafer-eating thing, and what follows with the guy Tim was with. I think that's basically a way to say that I'm entirely too willing to follow others' leads, but that doing so wouldn't necessarily harm me, per se. For instance, I knew the wafers would dull my senses and lower my inhibitions. However, I knew what was going to happen, with or without them, as far as sex went, and I was willing to go through with it, regardless, so eating the wafers seemed inconsequential to me. In this case, I was already doing with I wanted to do. I figured the wafers might just add an edge to it that I might enjoy, like dropping acid. I also think I was humoring Tim in the dream. Like he thought I needed the wafers to do it, and I knew better, but I figured if it made him feel better to have that "extra" power over me, I could play along. Like me giving it of my own free will was threatening to him in some way. If I were to take this out of the sexual arena and apply it to life in general, I think that makes a lot of sense. I do a lot of things to tone down my own power. Both in actuality, and as a way to avoid threatening people who (I perceive) would be freaked out by it. Now, in the dream, this didn't really have terrible consequences, other than I spent my energy (attempting to whack the guy with Tim) on something that I knew, deep down, I really didn't need to spend energy on at all. Inside, I knew perfectly well it was OK, and would work out fine. But, I was unsure of my feelings, 'cause what my eyes were showing me was potentially threatening. Also, the risk of doing nothing and having something bad happen versus just letting whatever happened happen, seemed dangerous. I didn't want to be held responsible for being wrong. And really, nothing bad happened. In fact, the moment I took action, everyone else was there, ready to help me, and in fact praised me for taking action. This is a good thing, right? Then why was I raging about it? Nothing bad had happened, people liked me, and liked what I'd done. But I was furious with myself for being taken in by what my eyes told me, rather than what I felt. It wasn't 'cause something bad had happened... it was more like, "Dammit, I've done it AGAIN". So, I'm thinkin' that's a clear message to follow my own feelings, and fuck everyone else. Even if it means I don't get that praise. Hmmmm.... this is actually something that's come up before, in the whole leaving Safe Harbor thing. A pattern, no doubt. And, if it keeps coming back to me, even in dreams, it would seem that I haven't fully learned that lesson. Something to ponder. Not sure what to make of that last paragraph, so I'm leaving that be for now.
The other dream I had was longer, probably more significant, and I got up to write it down, and as a result, remember very little of it now. This was during the time we thought Glenn's computer was dead (turned out I had just left a floppy in the drive, and Windows couldn't boot from it... ), so we had my computer, which doesn't currently have internet access, up. So, I typed it there, but in order to get it from there to here, I'd have to unhook Glenn's computer, hook up mine, copy it to a floppy, unhook mine, rehook Glenn's, and copy it over from disk, THEN blog it. Entirely too much of a pain in my ass, especially when I'm basically sick. So, we're waiting on that one.
This seems like a good place to publish before I go on to another subject. :)
