BlogSpot Entry
Apr. 15th, 2002 10:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsMonday, April 15, 2002
Well, I haven't written much. So much for making this a daily thing.
I've actually been lax in my own self-development for the past 2 weeks. I haven't been to my yoga classes, and haven't done anything specifically spiritual, and, as usual, my attempts at meditation seem to always fail. One of these days I'm gonna get it right. I used to be able to do it, no problem. I spent this weekend mostly cleaning, or in front of the television. I so rarely have time to sit down and do nothing, it was actually a rare treat to do so. I watched lots of Star Trek, and even got to watch a couple of episodes of The Simpsons. None of that was very productive, of course, but it felt very good.
I suppose the one significant discovery I made over the weekend was that I hate my wounded child. And even as I write that, it stings, because she is a part of me. But I think it's significant to actually realize that. My wounded child is whiny, needy, desperate, and is willing to do just about anything to get love. *I* don't want to be any of those things. But, I find myself reacting from her standpoint more often than not. And I feel horrible for hating her. If it were any other child in that same situation, a literal, physical child, I would be filled with love and compassion. But I can't seem to find that for her; and, as a result, for myself. And that's a terrible place to be. I despise the part of myself that needs to most love. I know that I need to love her, need to embrace her. But the little bitch has ruined my life! How dare she keep popping her head in, and ruining my marriage, my friendships! God, I hate her.
--K'La
Well, I haven't written much. So much for making this a daily thing.
I've actually been lax in my own self-development for the past 2 weeks. I haven't been to my yoga classes, and haven't done anything specifically spiritual, and, as usual, my attempts at meditation seem to always fail. One of these days I'm gonna get it right. I used to be able to do it, no problem. I spent this weekend mostly cleaning, or in front of the television. I so rarely have time to sit down and do nothing, it was actually a rare treat to do so. I watched lots of Star Trek, and even got to watch a couple of episodes of The Simpsons. None of that was very productive, of course, but it felt very good.
I suppose the one significant discovery I made over the weekend was that I hate my wounded child. And even as I write that, it stings, because she is a part of me. But I think it's significant to actually realize that. My wounded child is whiny, needy, desperate, and is willing to do just about anything to get love. *I* don't want to be any of those things. But, I find myself reacting from her standpoint more often than not. And I feel horrible for hating her. If it were any other child in that same situation, a literal, physical child, I would be filled with love and compassion. But I can't seem to find that for her; and, as a result, for myself. And that's a terrible place to be. I despise the part of myself that needs to most love. I know that I need to love her, need to embrace her. But the little bitch has ruined my life! How dare she keep popping her head in, and ruining my marriage, my friendships! God, I hate her.
--K'La
