Crossing the Rainbow Bridge
Jun. 12th, 2005 11:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsMy oldest cat, Neg, died today.
It was about 3am, and I was off-and-on sleeping.blckwngdorcl woke me up and said that Neg had just fallen off the bed, and wasn't getting up. We turned on the light, and he was lying there. I picked him up and put him on the bed. He was already limp at that point. I think I maybe caught him in the last few seconds of his physical life. I think I already knew this, which is why I wasn't racing around maniacally. I had blckwngdorcl pull his face out of the comforter, so he could breathe, and got a little mirror, which didn't fog when we put it in front of his face. We got dressed. It turned out that lunenoire was still up, so we drove to the Cobb Emergency Vet Clinic, after I had called ahead to make sure that someone was actually there, or if they just had people on call to meet you there.
It was less than a mile from our house.lunenoire drove, and I held Neg in the back seat. I think there was part of me thinking/hoping he was still alive, but deep down, I knew better. I could already feel the side of him that was away from my body getting cold in the short time that it took us to drive there. At one point, I just quietly told lunenoire that he didn't need to drive so fast.
The lady there was very sweet. She had an accent I couldn't place. I told her that I thought he was already dead, and she asked if I wanted them to just make sure. I said yes. His eyes were clearly glazing over at this point. I'd tried to close them earlier. Maybe it's different with cats, or maybe it's just not as easy as it looks in the movies. Anyway, they had stayed open. But she came back a few minutes later and confirmed what I already knew. I asked if they could determine a cause, and she said that the great majority of the time, in cases like this with cats, it was a heart problem, that he'd just had a heart attack.
Neg had been to the vet recently, for an upper respiratory infection, which I ended up letting get better on its own, since giving him the pills turned out to be traumatic for both of us. He did get better, though. He's been getting inexplicably thinner off and on for a while, but was otherwise in good health. I'd had him into the vet every year for a checkup, and his vaccines were actually about a month or two out of date, but honestly, I hadn't had the money to get any of them vaccinated this year, and I keep hearing those stories about how feline vaccines are given entirely too often, anyway, and that they shouldn't be given yearly in the first place, so I wasn't too concerned about that. So, honestly, even though my mind goes there, of course, I don't think there was anything more that could have been done for him. His brother, Mika, died of a heart attack when he was 5 years old, also after having had fabulous vet care and being considered healthy all his life, so I'm thinking there may be a connection. Mika's death was premature, however, since his heart attack was predicated by being chased by a (friendly) Rottweiler. So, there's some family history there.
Anyway, I filled out the paperwork to have him cremated. They gave us this fabulous little clay disk, into which they had written his name, and put his pawprint in. I wish I had one of those for Mika, but they didn't have those at the vet I went to at the time. I suppose the Emergency Clinic deals with more deaths than a normal vet. Mika had been cremated, a no-frills deal, and I ended up keeping his ashes in a little glass container that my mother had gotten for me. Warsaw Cut Glass, in my pattern, with Mika's name on the top, in block script. I want a matching one for Neg. Some of his ashes will be scattered in the back yard here, though, so part of him can always be outside.
Y'know, I've known for a bit that this would happen. Just known, but wasn't willing to really admit it, to myself, much less mention it to anyone else. Althoughlunenoire and blckwngdorcl both said that his energy had changed recently, to what they called an "old man" energy. I felt it, too, really. I knew his time was coming. Until the very last day, though, he still frolicked like a kitten, still raced around the house periodically, and still liked to bit my hands under the covers. He was a good cat. But I'd had a clear sense, which I ignored, that he wasn't going to the new apartment with us. That he was passing the torch.
Neg was the alpha of the household, the oldest, the one who was clearly a wise and old soul. I will miss him dearly. I hope he haunts me for a time, as his brother did for years, before I felt that he passed on fully. I believe he passed the torch to Loco,lunenoire's cat, which I find kinda interesting, 'cause I would have thought it would have been one of my cats, the more established cats in the household. Loco, however, is now the oldest male, and even though I don't think it always works that way, it just feels right. Loki, the oldest female, is the same age as Loco (10), so perhaps they will make a good team. I thought it almost uncanny how effortlessly Loco was introduced into the household. Now, perhaps, I think there was a purpose to that.
Anyway, I now have some phone calls to make. Two of which will likely be to my ex-husband and Fig, and maybe Frog, since I don't know how consistently he reads this. Neg was always my favorite, while Mika was everyone else's, except Frog's - Neg was his favorite, too.
I have a tattoo for Mika, on my outer left ankle, of the tribal Simba that Rafikki drew on the tree in The Lion King. I've always known that when Neg died, I would want a tattoo for him, as well. A rainbow on my outer right ankle. There are several meanings behind this. One is that we often called Neg "adventure cat", 'cause he always wanted to have adventures, get outside, et cetera. I figure "over the rainbow" is a pretty big adventure. Plus, we always thought he was gay. The female cats (Whimsy and Ashira, anyway) always wanted to be around him, and he never really had anything to do with them, but he would fairly frequently mount his brother, and Murke. So, y'know, the whole rainbows and gay thing. And I suppose that Rainbow Bridge poem ties in to that, as well, although that wasn't really on my mind when I came up with a rainbow to represent him for myself. *shrug* Like so many other things in my life, it'll need to wait until I have the money.
Fare thee well, Neg. I hope you find all the adventures you always wanted in life. I love you.
It was about 3am, and I was off-and-on sleeping.
blckwngdorcl woke me up and said that Neg had just fallen off the bed, and wasn't getting up. We turned on the light, and he was lying there. I picked him up and put him on the bed. He was already limp at that point. I think I maybe caught him in the last few seconds of his physical life. I think I already knew this, which is why I wasn't racing around maniacally. I had blckwngdorcl pull his face out of the comforter, so he could breathe, and got a little mirror, which didn't fog when we put it in front of his face. We got dressed. It turned out that lunenoire was still up, so we drove to the Cobb Emergency Vet Clinic, after I had called ahead to make sure that someone was actually there, or if they just had people on call to meet you there.It was less than a mile from our house.
lunenoire drove, and I held Neg in the back seat. I think there was part of me thinking/hoping he was still alive, but deep down, I knew better. I could already feel the side of him that was away from my body getting cold in the short time that it took us to drive there. At one point, I just quietly told lunenoire that he didn't need to drive so fast.The lady there was very sweet. She had an accent I couldn't place. I told her that I thought he was already dead, and she asked if I wanted them to just make sure. I said yes. His eyes were clearly glazing over at this point. I'd tried to close them earlier. Maybe it's different with cats, or maybe it's just not as easy as it looks in the movies. Anyway, they had stayed open. But she came back a few minutes later and confirmed what I already knew. I asked if they could determine a cause, and she said that the great majority of the time, in cases like this with cats, it was a heart problem, that he'd just had a heart attack.
Neg had been to the vet recently, for an upper respiratory infection, which I ended up letting get better on its own, since giving him the pills turned out to be traumatic for both of us. He did get better, though. He's been getting inexplicably thinner off and on for a while, but was otherwise in good health. I'd had him into the vet every year for a checkup, and his vaccines were actually about a month or two out of date, but honestly, I hadn't had the money to get any of them vaccinated this year, and I keep hearing those stories about how feline vaccines are given entirely too often, anyway, and that they shouldn't be given yearly in the first place, so I wasn't too concerned about that. So, honestly, even though my mind goes there, of course, I don't think there was anything more that could have been done for him. His brother, Mika, died of a heart attack when he was 5 years old, also after having had fabulous vet care and being considered healthy all his life, so I'm thinking there may be a connection. Mika's death was premature, however, since his heart attack was predicated by being chased by a (friendly) Rottweiler. So, there's some family history there.
Anyway, I filled out the paperwork to have him cremated. They gave us this fabulous little clay disk, into which they had written his name, and put his pawprint in. I wish I had one of those for Mika, but they didn't have those at the vet I went to at the time. I suppose the Emergency Clinic deals with more deaths than a normal vet. Mika had been cremated, a no-frills deal, and I ended up keeping his ashes in a little glass container that my mother had gotten for me. Warsaw Cut Glass, in my pattern, with Mika's name on the top, in block script. I want a matching one for Neg. Some of his ashes will be scattered in the back yard here, though, so part of him can always be outside.
Y'know, I've known for a bit that this would happen. Just known, but wasn't willing to really admit it, to myself, much less mention it to anyone else. Although
lunenoire and blckwngdorcl both said that his energy had changed recently, to what they called an "old man" energy. I felt it, too, really. I knew his time was coming. Until the very last day, though, he still frolicked like a kitten, still raced around the house periodically, and still liked to bit my hands under the covers. He was a good cat. But I'd had a clear sense, which I ignored, that he wasn't going to the new apartment with us. That he was passing the torch. Neg was the alpha of the household, the oldest, the one who was clearly a wise and old soul. I will miss him dearly. I hope he haunts me for a time, as his brother did for years, before I felt that he passed on fully. I believe he passed the torch to Loco,
lunenoire's cat, which I find kinda interesting, 'cause I would have thought it would have been one of my cats, the more established cats in the household. Loco, however, is now the oldest male, and even though I don't think it always works that way, it just feels right. Loki, the oldest female, is the same age as Loco (10), so perhaps they will make a good team. I thought it almost uncanny how effortlessly Loco was introduced into the household. Now, perhaps, I think there was a purpose to that.Anyway, I now have some phone calls to make. Two of which will likely be to my ex-husband and Fig, and maybe Frog, since I don't know how consistently he reads this. Neg was always my favorite, while Mika was everyone else's, except Frog's - Neg was his favorite, too.
I have a tattoo for Mika, on my outer left ankle, of the tribal Simba that Rafikki drew on the tree in The Lion King. I've always known that when Neg died, I would want a tattoo for him, as well. A rainbow on my outer right ankle. There are several meanings behind this. One is that we often called Neg "adventure cat", 'cause he always wanted to have adventures, get outside, et cetera. I figure "over the rainbow" is a pretty big adventure. Plus, we always thought he was gay. The female cats (Whimsy and Ashira, anyway) always wanted to be around him, and he never really had anything to do with them, but he would fairly frequently mount his brother, and Murke. So, y'know, the whole rainbows and gay thing. And I suppose that Rainbow Bridge poem ties in to that, as well, although that wasn't really on my mind when I came up with a rainbow to represent him for myself. *shrug* Like so many other things in my life, it'll need to wait until I have the money.
Fare thee well, Neg. I hope you find all the adventures you always wanted in life. I love you.
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Date: 2005-06-12 04:59 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-06-12 05:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-12 05:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-12 05:46 pm (UTC)::hugs::
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Date: 2005-06-12 05:55 pm (UTC)Thank you.
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Date: 2005-06-12 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-12 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-06-12 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-06-12 10:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-13 01:52 pm (UTC)I was devistated when my first cat died. She was 20 years old though; I'd had her since I was 6 years old...
*hugs* May the grass be long and the mice slow whereever he's gone to now...
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Date: 2005-06-13 05:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-16 01:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-16 02:18 am (UTC)Love your icon. :) I know that was hard for you, so good to see you embracing it. :)