Good Morning
Sep. 25th, 2004 05:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsWell, my original intention of curling up and reading the books for my class assignment yesterday was pre-empted by sleep. Strangely enough, blckwngdorcl is energized by sex, while I'm the one who wants to roll over and go to sleep afterwards. Which I did. For 10 hours, give or take a couple of periods of wakefulness that together didn't add up to 30 minutes. So, here I am awake at 5am on a Saturday (I actually woke up at 4am; I've already showered and everything). It's been my intention to clean the house today. Partially for my own sanity, partially so simplysakka and wyzard_vyrnahnn can come home to a clean house. I'm hoping I actually get off my ass and do it, though. :)
jupitercornwall ('cause it's Moose!) called yesterday to tell me my computer is fixed. blckwngdorcl's apparently needs more work, though. At any rate, I plan to pick it up after I clean the house today. I won't lie and say I won't miss this kickass monitor that simplysakka has, though. I think I have a new monitor, though. I don't know if it ever got traded out or not...
Oh, and I had another dream about being back in Illinois again. I'm not gonna bother posting this to the dreamlist community. Just a quickie.blckwngdorcl and I had moved back there. We were apparently living with my parents. I think they thought it was indefinite, and were happy about that. In the dream, I didn't have any impression that this was the past, which meant my parents should have been living in Warsaw, which is, I think, what I thought was the case. However, I drove to Bourbonnais at some point, and it was roughly the same distance and direction it would have been if I'd been coming from Dwight, where my parents (and I) used to live. Strangely enough, my sister Dawn was living there, in an apartment that looked strikingly like my sister Naia's last apartment in Warsaw. *shrug* It's a dream. I don't suppose little details like that are supposed to make sense. Anyway, I was leaving my sister's apartment, and attempting to call my old landlord (well, landlady) to see if I could get a place to live from her. She still loves me, in spite of Fig fucking her over after I left. I had told her there was a 50/50 chance of it - that the Fig I knew would never do that, but that he hadn't been the Fig I knew for a while before I left. But anyway... I couldn't get through to her in Dawn's apartment. She couldn't hear me, I could barely hear her, etc.. So, I called her once I got in the car. Once she figured out who I was, she was happy to hear from me, and did have an apartment ready that I could move into. I was trying to ask details, and she really couldn't remember any, so I think we made an appointment for blckwngdorcl and I to go look at it. I think I was vaguely aware that this was likely going to disappoint my parents, who I think wanted us to stay with them forever. I also remember wondering, as I was talking to Nancy (the landlady), how I was going to pay for the apartment. I suddenly remembered that of course I had a job at Fox Center if I wanted it. I don't know if, in the dream, I already had the job, or knew that I could basically walk in and be hired on the spot.
The dream ended about there, but dreams of this nature always get me to thinking about that possibility. Moving back to Illinois, that is. The fact is, I could walk into Fox Center and be hired on the spot. I'm qualified for about half a dozen different jobs there, and I still have my card that proves I worked for the state in the past, so there's a tiny possibility of me being reinstated rather than just re-hired. And, from what I understand, they're scarily short of nurses lately, and LPNs there are now making what I was making as an HPC. And I could always get promoted again. Housing situation, same thing. I could call Nancy up and say I was looking for an apartment, and she'd gladly set me up with any she had. If she were dead and/or no longer doing it, it's likely her son Troy would be in charge of that, and I knew him pretty well, too, and I doubt very much there'd be a problem calling him up and getting the same deal. The cost of living there is cheaper, and I know of a few placesblckwngdorcl could work, too. Although he really wouldn't need to.
Speaking ofblckwngdorcl, though, there would be a problem with it. I'd have a ready-made support system there. Granted, there are quite a few of those people I think I'd have trouble relating to again, and I think they'd have some trouble relating to me. I'm not who I used to be. And even though it would be a struggle not to fall into old patterns, I know I don't want to do that. I don't need to be Stoopid Quib anymore. Which is a danger for me, one that blckwngdorcl doesn't face. But still. I don't have any idea who I could set him up with that would interest him at all, other than Frog. Or Mark Jensen, but he's in Bloomington. He and Mark would totally hit it off. :)
Also, I'd be afraid of losing what I've gained here. And yes, I could still take the Core classes, drive or fly down here 4 times a year and do the work, but part of the work involves twice monthly therapy sessions with a Core therapist, and as far as I know, there aren't any in that part of the country. Atlanta, NYC, and somewhere in California are the only Core institutes in the country, and it's likely the therapists are all in that area too.
So, it's back to that argument. Financial stability, which I'd totally have there, or following my heart's desire. And, as tempting as financial stability is, I think I have to stick withprofundis's advice, and take my heart's desire.
Besides, the financial stuff is getting better, anyway. :)
blckwngdorcl is energized by sex, while I'm the one who wants to roll over and go to sleep afterwards. Which I did. For 10 hours, give or take a couple of periods of wakefulness that together didn't add up to 30 minutes. So, here I am awake at 5am on a Saturday (I actually woke up at 4am; I've already showered and everything). It's been my intention to clean the house today. Partially for my own sanity, partially so simplysakka and wyzard_vyrnahnn can come home to a clean house. I'm hoping I actually get off my ass and do it, though. :)jupitercornwall ('cause it's Moose!) called yesterday to tell me my computer is fixed. blckwngdorcl's apparently needs more work, though. At any rate, I plan to pick it up after I clean the house today. I won't lie and say I won't miss this kickass monitor that simplysakka has, though. I think I have a new monitor, though. I don't know if it ever got traded out or not... Oh, and I had another dream about being back in Illinois again. I'm not gonna bother posting this to the dreamlist community. Just a quickie.
blckwngdorcl and I had moved back there. We were apparently living with my parents. I think they thought it was indefinite, and were happy about that. In the dream, I didn't have any impression that this was the past, which meant my parents should have been living in Warsaw, which is, I think, what I thought was the case. However, I drove to Bourbonnais at some point, and it was roughly the same distance and direction it would have been if I'd been coming from Dwight, where my parents (and I) used to live. Strangely enough, my sister Dawn was living there, in an apartment that looked strikingly like my sister Naia's last apartment in Warsaw. *shrug* It's a dream. I don't suppose little details like that are supposed to make sense. Anyway, I was leaving my sister's apartment, and attempting to call my old landlord (well, landlady) to see if I could get a place to live from her. She still loves me, in spite of Fig fucking her over after I left. I had told her there was a 50/50 chance of it - that the Fig I knew would never do that, but that he hadn't been the Fig I knew for a while before I left. But anyway... I couldn't get through to her in Dawn's apartment. She couldn't hear me, I could barely hear her, etc.. So, I called her once I got in the car. Once she figured out who I was, she was happy to hear from me, and did have an apartment ready that I could move into. I was trying to ask details, and she really couldn't remember any, so I think we made an appointment for blckwngdorcl and I to go look at it. I think I was vaguely aware that this was likely going to disappoint my parents, who I think wanted us to stay with them forever. I also remember wondering, as I was talking to Nancy (the landlady), how I was going to pay for the apartment. I suddenly remembered that of course I had a job at Fox Center if I wanted it. I don't know if, in the dream, I already had the job, or knew that I could basically walk in and be hired on the spot.The dream ended about there, but dreams of this nature always get me to thinking about that possibility. Moving back to Illinois, that is. The fact is, I could walk into Fox Center and be hired on the spot. I'm qualified for about half a dozen different jobs there, and I still have my card that proves I worked for the state in the past, so there's a tiny possibility of me being reinstated rather than just re-hired. And, from what I understand, they're scarily short of nurses lately, and LPNs there are now making what I was making as an HPC. And I could always get promoted again. Housing situation, same thing. I could call Nancy up and say I was looking for an apartment, and she'd gladly set me up with any she had. If she were dead and/or no longer doing it, it's likely her son Troy would be in charge of that, and I knew him pretty well, too, and I doubt very much there'd be a problem calling him up and getting the same deal. The cost of living there is cheaper, and I know of a few places
blckwngdorcl could work, too. Although he really wouldn't need to.Speaking of
blckwngdorcl, though, there would be a problem with it. I'd have a ready-made support system there. Granted, there are quite a few of those people I think I'd have trouble relating to again, and I think they'd have some trouble relating to me. I'm not who I used to be. And even though it would be a struggle not to fall into old patterns, I know I don't want to do that. I don't need to be Stoopid Quib anymore. Which is a danger for me, one that blckwngdorcl doesn't face. But still. I don't have any idea who I could set him up with that would interest him at all, other than Frog. Or Mark Jensen, but he's in Bloomington. He and Mark would totally hit it off. :) Also, I'd be afraid of losing what I've gained here. And yes, I could still take the Core classes, drive or fly down here 4 times a year and do the work, but part of the work involves twice monthly therapy sessions with a Core therapist, and as far as I know, there aren't any in that part of the country. Atlanta, NYC, and somewhere in California are the only Core institutes in the country, and it's likely the therapists are all in that area too.
So, it's back to that argument. Financial stability, which I'd totally have there, or following my heart's desire. And, as tempting as financial stability is, I think I have to stick with
profundis's advice, and take my heart's desire.Besides, the financial stuff is getting better, anyway. :)
