bookofmirrors | Magick and Such (Reply)

With all the upheaval at work, I've been neglecting my magickal/personal development.

Well, actually... Hmmm... seems to me that the whole fiasco has actually done a great deal to work on my personal development, now that I think of it. Certainly the last post would attest to that. And, by the way, I haven't given

profundis any credit for helping me see a lot of those things, and he definitely deserves it. :)

But, that's not what I meant.

I finally confessed to

elorie that I hadn't really been meditating outside of her house, and she assigned me the task of doing it every other day. Which, I honestly thought I'd been doing, except I just counted the days and realized I'm a day behind. I didn't during the workshop, 'cause the whole weekend was kinda like one big meditation. I didn't go outside like I was supposed to, though. Too wet this week. But it's on my list of things to do. :)

I do find that I'm not as guilty about it as I usually am. I feel like a lot of the contemplating I've done lately, and the choices I'm making now are all part and parcel of the whole discovery of myself, which is what the meditation is all about, anyway. Of course, that doesn't mean I can blow it off, but I figure a different attitude about it is half the battle. I feel more likely to be able to gift myself with that self-discovery, which is a huge step for me.

One of the things I've decided is to stop putting off my education, as far as healing goes. I'm going to start taking the Core Energetics programs as soon as possible, and I'll find a way to pay for it somehow. If my dad, great, if not, it's going to have to happen anyway. The urge to be a part of the healing community is just too great, and I feel completely at odds with myself when I don't make myself a part of it. Perhaps going back to nursing as a profession will help, but I feel incongruous with that as well. Magickal versus mundane applies here, too. I'm also going to take the Seichem classes as soon as possible. The point is, I'm going to stop making excuses for why I can't, and just make it happen. I feel a tad selfish for this, 'cause

blckwngdorcl very much wants to go back to school, too, and part of me doesn't CARE, and just wants to deal with my own stuff, regardless of whether he deals with his or not. Of course, I want him to be able to follow his path, too. I just don't want to wait to follow my own, is all. I don't think either of us should have to.

I can see this year is going to be a very interesting one. And it all started out so completely fucked up, too.

To the future! (insert Christopher Lloyd Back to the Future voice) :)