Merging

[bookofmirrors]

It's late, and I'm getting tired, but I'm thinking that tired while it's still fresh in my mind is better than awake with that not-so-fresh-feeling...

Oh, wait...... *grin*

Anyway...

blckwngorcl and I were talking over dinner tonight, and we somehow got on the subject of the various Star Trek series (is serieses a word?), and he was telling me some of the stuff from DS9, since I haven't seen too many of those episodes. He was explaining about the Dominion, and Odo, and whatnot, and he was describing how they mate/communicate.

For those whose knowledge equalled mine on this subject, here's the deal. Apparently, these guys are shapeshifters, and when they mate, they merge completely with their partner, becoming, quite literally, One. When they separate, they retain all their old stuff (memories and feelings and the like), but they also have all those of their partner.

As he was telling me this, I was thinking how fucking awesome that was, how breathtakingly and indescribably beautiful. And it occured to me that that is exactly the level of boundaries that I think is ideal. How fabulous to be able to share yourself with someone like that. Nothing muted, nothing censored, nothing held back for fear of some sort of ridicule, anger, confusion. All laid bare and accepted. Strangely enough, I didn't think of being able to have that access to another until much later, almost as an afterthought. That kinda surprised me, 'cause I love getting into people's heads, hearts, souls. I love knowing people. But it was an afterthought here. I wanted to share, share without fear.

And, on a purely intellectual level, it occured to me that others might not feel the same way. That maybe this concept I have of total sharing may be Utopia for me, but for others, scary as hell. Morally wrong, even. Or any other objection that can be thought of. But much as I seem to understand what elorie says about boundaries when she says it, I truly can't fathom how I harm myself, or lose myself in an interaction like what's mentioned above. My power, my beauty, my SELF... remains intact. Grows, even. Shines brighter for the sharing. It's so beautiful and pure and simple for me, I just don't understand how other people don't feel the same way. It makes my soul sing, this thought of merging and sharing.

I explained all this to blckwngdorcl, and he said that's why I was either 2000 years too late, or 2000 years too early. (He was referring to something I'd heard from a couple of channelers/psychics, who said that this is my first incarnation since before Jesus came along.) That my way of thinking was just so far off from others'. The first channeler had said something like that. That much of the reason my concepts are so incongruous to the concepts of so many others is because I haven't had as much experience with this way of thinking. True or not, it would certainly explain much. I remember having an argument with Fig about something, and him saying, in exasperation, "You know what your problem is? You think everyone thinks like you! NO ONE thinks like you!!!"

I think that pretty much sums it up. I don't think it's quite that drastic, to be sure.

But like I said... it explains a lot.

Comments

[badelf.livejournal.com]

No. Serieses is not a word. Much like fish, deer, and moose, series is the plural of series.

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

:) I didn't think it sounded right. But in my head, I can hear the s lasting a little longer in the pronunciation when I mean it plural. ;)

[acid0philus.livejournal.com]

I think that shapeshifter communing rocks to no end as well. This entry rocks to no end!

[savage-rose.livejournal.com]

The problem with merging like that is that some are just pretending to be like you, and they can take what they've learned about you and try to use it against you. And even if you know their weaknesses, they may be ones you cannot exploit, in actuality, or morally. Hmmm. Well THAT struck a cord...I feel like I do that in bits and pieces sometimes, and in the past I've either gotten nothing back, or the people I've been compelled to give to can't process what I have to give.

In theory, that is so beautiful though.

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

Egad... someone who thinks like me???

Thanks, sweetie!

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

Ah.... See, you've proven my point exactly. What you're saying is, from what I've gathered, the usual response to this type of merging. Fear of judgement, fear of exploitation, fear of lack of reciprocity - these are common fears, and, as you said, unfortunately all-too-often with a huge basis in reality from people's past experiences.

The point is, I see this sort of thing, and I have no fear whatsoever. Sure, a bit of nervousness about the unknown and all that, having never experienced that sort of merging. But it's truly my idea of Heaven. Well... maybe it would be Heaven if everyone merged with everyone. Certainly a little slice of Heaven, then. :)

[isarma.livejournal.com]

No one thinks like you? I'm not sure about that one. Perhaps, in the way no one thinks exactly like any of us...but that's my Utopia, too.

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

lol I suppose I was being a bit egocentric and melodramatic at the time. You and I do think an awful lot alike.

*hug*

[elorie.livejournal.com]

I think that kind of merging is lovely....with one person. Or a very, very few.

You seem to want it with EVERYONE. I don't think that's desireable or possible. I'm totally honest about what I do share with people...the rest, I keep to myself.

Some things just aren't for everyone. The road into Faerie is for those who can find the way; "by which eye?"

At any rate...you are free to set your own boundaries wherever you wish. But other people are free to set theirs where they wish. This is not them being limited or less enlightened than you are; having different priorities perhaps.

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

I get the whole "different priorities" thing. I'm just currently running into the issue that I seem to place my boundaries in a place that overlaps other peoples' boundaries. If I don't have boundaries, mine emcompass yours (the universal "you"). This, obviously, creates problems.

It IS my ideal to have that sort of merging with everyone. The world, in my opinion, would be a much better place. That's my truth, or at least the truth I strive for. I don't always succeed, obviously... I don't think anyone is capable of that right now. But I think it's a state worth striving for. Which, unfortunately, brings us to the aforementioned problem of boundaries encompassing (or ignoring) boundaries.

So, I'm left with either discarding my idea of boundaries (which is difficult, 'cause my current version feels "right" to me, at least for now), or just coming to terms with the problems it seems to inevitably cause. I don't think life has to be that hard. The fact that it seems to be right now, surrounding this issue, leads me to believe that I have something to learn from it. But, at the same time, I hate to lose that sense of idealism that I think this partly stems from.

Blargh.