It Is Not Heresy, And I Will Not Recant

[bookofmirrors]

Well, well, well.

It seems I've opened up a lovely little can of worms.

There also seems to be some sort of debate going on as to my motives for making the post I did about simplysakka and wyzard_vyrnahnn. Most of them assume malice on my part, it seems. Others seem to assume, at the very least, thoughtlessness. The latter is the closest to the truth, although not with the same connotation that the word usually implies.

Let me explain something to the world at large. I'll call it my hierarchy of communication. There are many ways in which humans can communicate with each other. With so many being available, it seems only natural that people will discover they have a preference for one over the other. It's the same with me, almost to a fault. I get tunnel vision, basically. My methods of communication are, from most to least favorite: in person, chat utility, Live Journal, email (with egroups just about a tie for this one), telephone, and snail mail. If I have access to a person on one of my more favored modes of communication, I focus on it, pretty much to the exclusion of all other methods. If I know you have a chat utility, and I want to ask you a question, I'll wait weeks to see you online before I'll deign to pick up a phone. In fact, it usually won't even occur to me to call. Not saying it's right or wrong, better or worse, just the way I communicate.

In reference to my post that seems to be causing such controversy, simplysakka wasn't available for the first two means of communication, so I went to the third. wyzard_vyrnahnn was, and, as far as I know, I pretty much told him in person everything I said in that entry. It was simply a matter of who I could get in touch with, how. Because of my tunnel vision on methods of communication, since LiveJournal was available as a medium of communication, email just didn't enter my mind. It just didn't.

I debated responding to one of simplysakka's entries on her LiveJournal. But nothing I said, as far as I could tell, would have been good as a response to anything she said. It was pretty much a stand-alone post. Granted, doing so would have given her the privacy of discussion that seems to be a rather heated issue right now, but since I wasn't thinking about her journal being friends only nowadays, the privacy issue just didn't cross my mind.

So, I made the post in my own journal. I knew it was a volatile post. I did, in fact, consider making it filtered. But, I have never, and intend to never, make a filtered post. In the end, this is the integrity that won out. Some would argue that this was no integrity at all, but I only speak to myself for my own integrity. I did, out of courtesy, put it behind a cut-tag. A pretty useless gesture, it seems, but a gesture nonetheless.

The entry itself seems to have sparked all sorts of responses, from varying people, in various methods of communication. All told, the "you're an evil bitch" and the "I'm proud of you" votes are pretty equal. Not that I care. It wasn't my intention to stir up a fan club, nor to put myself on anyone's hate list. People's reactions are their own to have, and I don't responsibility for other people's reactions. My emotional responses to the reactions have pretty much run the gamut, but overall, it's certainly been one of the more interesting debates in my LJ.

I knew some people wouldn't like what I wrote. It was harsh stuff. And, perhaps it came out more harshly due to the fact that these were thoughts I'd not been expressing for entirely too long. I take responsibility for that, and I apologize for holding my tongue for too long. I'll try not to let that happen again. But, as logomancer was when he wrote his controversial comment to blckwngdorcl several months ago, I was also willing to be the designated bad guy. Anyone who reads my LJ has the right to their own opinions and reactions to what I say. I know I put myself on the line when I wrote that. I was, and am, willing to take the consequences of that. If it caused, or causes, anyone to think, and perhaps grow, then I'll be happy. If it doesn't, well, that was a chance I took, too.

I'm not sure what gave anyone the idea I would delete, filter, or otherwise make the post unavailable to anyone else. I am not acid0philus. I am not simplysakka. That may be how they would handle the situation, but it's not the way I handle such situations. It's not how I intend to handle this one. I, perhaps, could have made a better choice. My tunnel vision with communicative modes prevented me from seeing that at the time. I already apologized for it, both in person to simplysakka, and as a comment to a post she made in her LiveJournal directly concerning the issue. I don't intend to apologize anymore. I've said my piece.

blckwngdorcl and I were talking about this issue recently, and something he said reminded me of a post I'd made that I'd completely forgotten. My first LiveJournal post, in fact. It is relevent to the situation. Click here if you care to read it.

This is really all I have to say on the matter. I may or may not respond to further comments, as my mood and availability allow.

Comments

[simplysakka.livejournal.com]

I accepted your apologizes, but they didn't fix the problem, nor did they prevent us from being attacked by the very person I closed my journal to avoid.

I reiterate, the actions of a friend are to recognize when boundaries have been crossed and remedy that. In both mine and my husband's opinion, you crossed some very major boundaries here. NOT, as you keep saying and others keep saying, in giving us your opinion about the problems within our marriage, even though many people would tell you to "fuck off" if you weren't being paid to counsel. That isn't something I really care about. You are obviously entitled to your opinion, and the free speech to express it. What I do care about is you making these "opinions" you have about our marriage public so that anyone who reads them can easily misconstrue anything about my husband and I. It made me highly uncomfortable. And, had I been in your position, *I* would have immediately noted this and either deleted the post, knowing my points had been made, or closed it, and filtered it from the person who seems to love to beat us about the head with the Bible.

Since you have made it clear that you are unwilling to do this, then I am forced to believe that our friendship isn't as it seems to be. I am debating removing you from my friends list. Even though the thought HAD crossed my mind, I will NOT post a public laundry list of things I think are way askew in your own marriage. And if you choose to continue living under the same roof as us, it will take a great effort, I believe, to bestow peace upon this household.

I might remind you that if the lease is not signed BY June 1st, our landlords have the right to evict us all. Whatever issues you have about signing said lease need to be resolved, or you guys can move out tomorrow and find a new home for yourselves and your six cats. No easy task, I feel certain, particularly considering your credit status. I don't even think I need to bring up the fact that your husband still owes my husband several thousand dollars, as well.

[jupitercornwall.livejournal.com]

i might suggest that sakka cool out.

[elorie.livejournal.com]

But, I have never, and intend to never, make a filtered post. In the end, this is the integrity that won out. Some would argue that this was no integrity at all, but I only speak to myself for my own integrity

Um. You have a perfect right to make that decision about your own, personal life and whatever information about it you choose to share. You don't have a right to make that decision for other people, or to impose your decision ON them. That is what you are doing.

Saying it's your journal and you can say what you want is disingenuous when you are talking about other people's private business. If you'd just been ranting about how the situation made YOU feel, I would say you were well within your rights even if it was provocative. But it wasn't about your feelings, it was an analysis of them and their motives.

You know, I like having you as a friend. But frankly this is making me re-evaluate; if I can't trust you to keep confidences or keep my personal business to yourself, then I can't have you as anything other than a very surfacey acquaintance, because I don't want to have to guard every word that comes out of my mouth with a **friend** and think, "well, if K'La repeats this to everyone, what will the repercussions be?" I can't control your actions, obviously, so it's a lot easier to just keep everything to myself.

I keep trying to explain something to you that you just flatly refuse to even acknowledge: Boundaries are not about censorship. They are about personal power, personal freedom, depth, and sometimes trust. I don't want shallow relationships, and you can NOT have a profound relationship with everyone you meet; therefore I choose, for myself, what I share and with whom. I guard my energy, according to the Feri aphorism "never surrender your life force to anyone or anything for any reason". I don't know of a specific instance when you have breached my confidence...but if you did, I would view it as a serious violation of me.

I don't think you're an "evil bitch". And I think dismissing the people who are trying to explain the issue of boundaries to you is just that...a dismissal. You're plugging your fingers in your ears and going "LA LA LA LA LA". You said you're not sorry for your words (nor do I think you necessarily should be sorry for speaking your mind), but apologized for the way you did it. However, apologizing for posting something publicly in your journal is meaningless if it stays public. If you acknowledge that dragging other people's issues out in public is wrong, then why are you still doing it?

And well, if having your personal shortcomings be a matter of public discussion makes you uncomfortable, then that too is something to think about.

Would you, K'La, want to have your personal stuff dragged out in public in a venue you have no control over? Because I'm seriously tempted here to write up a "What I Think Is Wrong With the Way K'La Conducts Her Life" post. It's probably an empty threat; I don't think I would do that even if you blithely gave the go-ahead, it's just not my style. I'm not sure I could summon up the requisite amount of self-righteous judgement, for one thing (and yes, critiquing someone else's life requires a level of self-righteousness. Chew on that one a bit). But you're just not listening, and maybe a demonstration of the principle would make more sense.

[triest.livejournal.com]

You make me proud. Dont go changing.

[mister-bitters.livejournal.com]

I look at this way (opens up to usual form): Fuck 'em. If you said something that pissed someone off, fuck 'em. There isn't enough time or energy to make everyone else happy. If you want to say whatever you want about anything or anyone, go right ahead. It won't make you popular or win you friends, but who the fuck really cares? Life isn't about pleasing everyone else. Fuck 'em.

Now, I have no idea who the hell Sakka is, nor do I really care. Okay, maybe you offended her. So fucking what? She can either get over it or shove it up her ass a little further until it festers, rots, and decays in her puckered little asshole and leaks a green ooze all over her panties. If she doesn't like somethign you said, that's her problem. I'd tell her to just get the fuck over it. If her personal life is half as fucked up as I would surmise based solely on what I've read here, I doubt she'll get over it. I see a lot of desire to retaliate and injure based on being insulted. If that's the kind of "friend" she is, then it's best to end that relationship now. Friends, no matter how upset, do not attempt to hurt friends because they feel slighted. If she wants something kept confidential, she should say so before hand, not get pissed off after the fact. If it is something that someone can observe without being told about it, it's obviously NOT fucking confidential. Oh no, maybe all of about 30 people who don't know who she is have learned that her marriage sucks. Big fucking deal. Everyone is miserable about something. Go suck a cock and get over it.

As for Sarsen, I'm not even remotely surprised by the usual tactics of self-imposed superiority. I can't believe you even allow that waste of fetal tissue to even hang around. It's a damn shame, really, that abortion wasn't the choice used when discussing child-rearing methods when it comes to her. None the less, the same manner of behavior that is coming from Sakka is also coming from this disgusting cunt seepage. "I don't think I can trust you..." "What if I did X to you..." Goddamn! What the fuck is up with this high school behavior? If it ain't your business, stay the fuck out of it. If you don't like something someone does, don't associate with that person. If you don't like what someone writes, don't read it. It's really fucking simple. I swear to the gods in Asgard, Live Journal seems to be nothing more than an attempt at pseudo-popularity and cult of personality creation for some people. "I think I'll butt in where I have no business at all, make some empty threats, and then wonder why everyone calls me a cunt rag." Goddamn! Standard behavior as usual from Sarsen. No wonder everyone is glad that we don't have to smell her... I meant see her... any more.

[mister-bitters.livejournal.com]

As a side note, I went to look at Sakka's journal for the fun of it. What more does one need to know about her than the fact that she is proud to be an internet whore? As in the digital, so in the real, as I've come to learn. No wonder she's a worthless cunt rag.

And if these last two posts don't earn even a little bit of flame, I'm going to be sorely disappointed.

[elorie.livejournal.com]

You know, Kevin sugar, if you want attention from me THAT badly, you should try sending me flowers.

**mwah**

[simplysakka.livejournal.com]

You know, I like having you as a friend. But frankly this is making me re-evaluate; if I can't trust you to keep confidences or keep my personal business to yourself, then I can't have you as anything other than a very surfacey acquaintance, because I don't want to have to guard every word that comes out of my mouth with a **friend** and think, "well, if K'La repeats this to everyone, what will the repercussions be?" I can't control your actions, obviously, so it's a lot easier to just keep everything to myself.

My thoughts exactly, elorie. I so appreciate a very REAL, concise and black-and-white example of what I tried so hard to get across to bookofmirrors in all of my comments, and in person tonight when we talked. Apparently, all my talk is like blowing air at her; she claims she sees my points but they apparently aren't *important* enough to her for her to remedy the situation. Her own stubborn convictions mean more to her than this friendship. I've been told to wait this out, and see what happens, so I am going to do that. However, I've made my point (and you've helped illustrate it, MANY THANKS), and I *will* wait and see what happens.

By the way, I added you to my friends list. Thanks again for seeing my side of things and trying to help me explain them to K'La.

[simplysakka.livejournal.com]

I really don't think I even need to stoop to that level and allow you the satisfaction.

[mister-bitters.livejournal.com]

The very acknowledgement of the words themselves does that. The fact that you had to try an appear as my social "better" by not "stooping to that level" shows the genuine arrogance you live under. A "bigger person" would not have even bothered to notice, as commenting on such vulgarity would be beneith them. Clearly, my dear, you belong in the gutter with me for your pathetic attempt at feigned dignity. You not only don't surprise me, but acted exactly according to what I predicted you would. Pathetic, transparent, and predictable. Exactly what I'd expect from some one who has already behaved as you have. At least I admit I'm an asshole. You, my dear, fake being better than you are. I'd rather be a prick than a fraud.

[mister-bitters.livejournal.com]

I tried, but the restraining order prevents delivery.

[jupitercornwall.livejournal.com]

just chill out. this is HER forum for venting, for thinking, and for emoting about what is going on in her life. pots and kettles, i think. i think it's awesome that she has the courage and presence of mind to speak about things that are hard, as well as speak about things that are good. she has talked about many hard things goin on in her life and around it, and she does live in the same house. crap going on with roommates will often affect others in the same living situation, and an online journal is just as viable a therapy as any other. you're awesome, krysta, and you know it. rock on, my soul sister.

[mister-bitters.livejournal.com]

By "that word," I assume you mean the usage of cunt. The language of the post was deliberate and precise to achieve a specific and desired effect. It got it. That the usage of foul language detracts from the point was a deliberate action, as is the case with any rant I write. Those who get it, get. Those who don't are stuck chewing on the vulgarity. The rants aren't written for those who are consumed by the language or the insults.