The Truth Hurts...

[bookofmirrors]

On my way home tonight from tc_borderpagans (which was a kickass discussion, by the way), I noticed 2 things.

First, that the Mega Millions lottery has apparently not yet been won. The billboard showed the jackpot at $177 million. Wow. What I couldn't do with that money.

Second, a gas station. Don't remember which one. Corner of Powers Ferry and the north 120 loop. It's irrelevant. The point was, I could have stopped there and purchased as many lottery tickets for the aforementioned jackpot as my budget would allow.

But I didn't.

Not because I have a moral issue with the lottery. Not even because I think it would be a waste of money.

Let me explain.

I sometimes have conversations with myself. Whether I'm playing devil's advocate for myself, or whether it's another facet of myself, or whether it's deity of some sort (eminent or transcendant), I have no idea. I don't suppose it matters, except perhaps in how much I trust the "other" voice.

So, tonight, a conversation ensued around this topic.

Voice: Stop there. Buy a lottery ticket.
Me: Yeah, right.
Voice: No, really. Trust me.
Me: Uh huh. (All the while thinking simultaneously of the wonderful things I could do for myself and others with that money, and of the odds of winning, and of my own propensity for impoverishing myself in one form or another)
Voice: Don't you want to be rich?
Me: (long pause) No, I don't. (Noting that indescribable feeling I have when something True has just been expressed)
Voice: You don't?
Me: No.
Voice: (long pause) Why not?
Me: Because being poor is a smokescreen. If I didn't have to work at making a living, paying bills, having to worry about all those stupid mundane issues in life, I wouldn't have Maslow's hierarchy as an excuse anymore. I'd have to work on ME. There'd be nothing there to stop me, to protect me.

*sigh* Why is it the obvious that eludes me? When I "hear" something with the ring of Truth to it, it's always with a sense of "oh, I knew that - of course I knew it - I just didn't know it". Replace the final word with whatever similar word you like - grok, comprehend, understand, KNOW, express... whatever. It's the mental equivalent of your eyes focusing on one of those 3-D pictures (the name of which is eluding me right now).

Well, if knowing is half the battle (insert appropriate after-school cartoon jingle here), then I still have half the work to do. But I wanted to jot that down on "paper" to preserve it. I didn't want to lose that moment of clarity.

And now, I must go tend to the sickly-ish blckwngdorcl.

Comments

[profundis.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Why is it the obvious that eludes me?

*finds a rock to hide behind before logomancer can reply...*

LOL!

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

lolololol

Waitin' for that myself. ;)

Did you get my voicemail? I must exploit your skills!

>:(

[monarchprime.livejournal.com]

gah-rumble!

Re: >:(

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

Whyfore are you all grumbly-like? :)

[twisteddaydream.livejournal.com]

Wow. How frighteningly true that moment of realization is...

on the upside, it's nice to know you have conversations wiht yourself. Makes me feel a teensy bit less crazy.

~B

Re:

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

Yeah... scary. :)

I was always told that it's OK to talk to yourself. It's even OK to answer yourself.

It's when you start asking "What did you say??" that you have a problem.

;)

Re:

[twisteddaydream.livejournal.com]

~laughs~ Oh my, I can see that one being a problem! That's really funny.

[eloreen.livejournal.com]

Definitely has the ring of truth there. I would like to be comfortable so I can take care of myself, my family, and my children. I would also like enough to pursue dreams. But I would still work even if I won because I like it.