Oh, sweetie, it certainly wasn't my intention to seem like I was speaking ill of those for whom this lifestyle isn't right. I do see, however, how what I said about red flags and abusive relationships could be taken that way.
I agree that, if one has examined one's motives fully, and determined that one's actions do not come from a place of fear, that this should not be considered abusive behavior. Hopefully, (and I think you have) a person would find a partner who would share this set of beliefs, and who is also willing to examine them fully. Sadly, prior to your comment, I haven't known (or known I've known) anyone for whom such actions weren't based in fear. But, I can certainly agree, based on my own experiences, that this is something that could easily exist.
I have found myself that there are certain aspects of the poly lifestyle that are not for me (having a live-in lover, for instance). On the surface, I feel somewhat un-enlightened because of this, but I, too, have examined my motives, and I'm comfortable with my decision and don't feel it's based in fear, so I understand what you're saying.
*hugs* on coming to know yourself so well, and acting on it!
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timeasmymeasure
Re: A lot to chew on...
Date: 2006-08-13 01:38 pm (UTC)I agree that, if one has examined one's motives fully, and determined that one's actions do not come from a place of fear, that this should not be considered abusive behavior. Hopefully, (and I think you have) a person would find a partner who would share this set of beliefs, and who is also willing to examine them fully. Sadly, prior to your comment, I haven't known (or known I've known) anyone for whom such actions weren't based in fear. But, I can certainly agree, based on my own experiences, that this is something that could easily exist.
I have found myself that there are certain aspects of the poly lifestyle that are not for me (having a live-in lover, for instance). On the surface, I feel somewhat un-enlightened because of this, but I, too, have examined my motives, and I'm comfortable with my decision and don't feel it's based in fear, so I understand what you're saying.
*hugs* on coming to know yourself so well, and acting on it!