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Laughing Gas and Ennui
Mar. 1st, 2008 08:24 pmThe lovely 
Karlita has nudged me to post something... last time she did it, I didn't... meant to, but didn't. So... here's a post.
Not much to say... was ridiculously sick week before last, to the tune of a visit to the ER and a visit to my doctor, 4 days off the office and 9 nights off of David's, pain scale 8-9 most of the time, which vicodin at home and morphine at the hospital didn't help. Turned out to be nothing but a sinus infection. Bleh. In retrospect, a similar incident landed me in the hospital for a little less than a week when I was in my early twenties. I've been using a neti pot pretty religiously since then. I don't find it soothing most of the time, but I have to say my sinuses are doing much better than usual. During therapy yesterday, we explored my illness (neither Pam nor I believe people just get sick out of the blue...). Neither of us could find an acute reason for it at the time, so we figured it was possibly the straw that broke the camel's back. Anyway, after talking to my sinuses, it would seem that they contain my loneliness and disappointment - mostly that, no matter what I do, things just don't seem to work out as I planned, and mostly in the financial arena. Keep in mind, this sounds whiny, even to me. Later, as
BlckwngdOrcl and I were talking about it, it occurred to me that Friday, when I first got sick, was the day went to pay for H&R Block, who'd done our taxes the week before. We owe over $5000, and not sure how to deal with this yet. I figure this is a pretty big straw...
Last night, we went to the private portion of the party of newly-married
WalkingBear and 
Strega42, and had a good time. BlckwngdOrcl spent the night, and I came home here. That was hard to do, but I thought it was the right thing to do. We were both invited to stay, of course, but I knew the cats didn't have any food, and I really like sleeping in my own bed. Due to weird circumstances at his apartment complex (glad 
ToguSpyder and 
Spy_Isis are OK!!!), 
Dai_Syn had to reschedule our date. No biggie - I needed the sleep, anyway.
So, I've spent the day sleeping, since I got home at 5:00am this morning... and doing very little other than making sure the cats are taken care of.
I think the loneliness and disappointment are figuring hard in my life right now. It doesn't help that I've been brought face to face with my own psychopathy lately, and I'm not liking that picture of myself. I feel very Masky, and I feel very unwilling to delve deeper than that, very unwilling to move my body, or even stay in it.
So, rather than leaving for Party Part Two at Dreamland, where, incidentally, my husband still is, I'm here typing, when I really don't have much to say. Nothing significant in my life feels like it's changed, and that's a bad thing.
On a more whimsical note, I have found that, in Vedic Astrology, I am Virgo Sun, Cancer Moon, and Libra Rising. Since the rising sign is most important in Vedic astrology, and my Western profile is Libra Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising, I figure that means I'm Libra through-and-through.
Now off to the party....
Karlita has nudged me to post something... last time she did it, I didn't... meant to, but didn't. So... here's a post. Not much to say... was ridiculously sick week before last, to the tune of a visit to the ER and a visit to my doctor, 4 days off the office and 9 nights off of David's, pain scale 8-9 most of the time, which vicodin at home and morphine at the hospital didn't help. Turned out to be nothing but a sinus infection. Bleh. In retrospect, a similar incident landed me in the hospital for a little less than a week when I was in my early twenties. I've been using a neti pot pretty religiously since then. I don't find it soothing most of the time, but I have to say my sinuses are doing much better than usual. During therapy yesterday, we explored my illness (neither Pam nor I believe people just get sick out of the blue...). Neither of us could find an acute reason for it at the time, so we figured it was possibly the straw that broke the camel's back. Anyway, after talking to my sinuses, it would seem that they contain my loneliness and disappointment - mostly that, no matter what I do, things just don't seem to work out as I planned, and mostly in the financial arena. Keep in mind, this sounds whiny, even to me. Later, as
BlckwngdOrcl and I were talking about it, it occurred to me that Friday, when I first got sick, was the day went to pay for H&R Block, who'd done our taxes the week before. We owe over $5000, and not sure how to deal with this yet. I figure this is a pretty big straw... Last night, we went to the private portion of the party of newly-married
WalkingBear and Strega42, and had a good time. BlckwngdOrcl spent the night, and I came home here. That was hard to do, but I thought it was the right thing to do. We were both invited to stay, of course, but I knew the cats didn't have any food, and I really like sleeping in my own bed. Due to weird circumstances at his apartment complex (glad ToguSpyder and Spy_Isis are OK!!!), Dai_Syn had to reschedule our date. No biggie - I needed the sleep, anyway. So, I've spent the day sleeping, since I got home at 5:00am this morning... and doing very little other than making sure the cats are taken care of.
I think the loneliness and disappointment are figuring hard in my life right now. It doesn't help that I've been brought face to face with my own psychopathy lately, and I'm not liking that picture of myself. I feel very Masky, and I feel very unwilling to delve deeper than that, very unwilling to move my body, or even stay in it.
So, rather than leaving for Party Part Two at Dreamland, where, incidentally, my husband still is, I'm here typing, when I really don't have much to say. Nothing significant in my life feels like it's changed, and that's a bad thing.
On a more whimsical note, I have found that, in Vedic Astrology, I am Virgo Sun, Cancer Moon, and Libra Rising. Since the rising sign is most important in Vedic astrology, and my Western profile is Libra Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising, I figure that means I'm Libra through-and-through.
Now off to the party....
