Memes of the Barely Awake...

( Cut for all you whiny sonsabitches with dial-up *g* )

Sundry

Hey Frog! Back in March or so, when BlckwngdOrcl had some extra cash, we did a 6-month subscription to a coffee-of-the-month program at one of the local Mom 'n Pop coffee places. I think this was our last month to get something. (Actually, I thought it was last month, but who am I to argue if they send us more?) Anyway, this month, the flavor of the month was snickerdoodle. You may recall this as being the original name of the coffee from Gloria Jeans which later became snickerroodle, and finally cinnamon nut struesel (possibly preceded by cinnamon nut struedel), which seemed to be the only name not already taken by other coffee companies out there. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm sure it'll be fabulous. You might find it even more amusing to note that this company also has the toasted almond creme flavor which was always your favorite. Sadly, if they don't keep screwing up and sending me coffee I'm pretty sure I haven't paid for, I'll never get to tell you how good it is. *eg* I just found it amusing that this place had BOTH flavors we used to fight over! (Gloria Jeans, it would seem, is now found only in Australia. Even more sadly, I completely didn't think to ask one of my co-workers to pick some up for me when she visited there a few months back. Ah, well.)

And to other news, such as it is...

This morning, I have made the bed, cleaned the litterboxes, filled food and water dishes, gathered garbage (LuneNoire took it out), and kinda sorta gathered dishes. Unloading/reloading the dishwasher is my next project, followed by probable straightening out of the master bedroom and possible straightening out of my desks. I've recently discovered what lies beneath my lack of motivation for making my living area acceptable to me. A great deal of me is fine with just accepting that knowledge, and keeping the status quo until the situation changes; my inner Masochist is definitely taking the upper hand in this. On the other hand, I'm kinda hoping that the mere illumination of the issue will knock me out of my current mindset. I mean, all the activity I've been doing this morning might point to that, but I'm not necessarily counting on that. I will appreciate it while it lasts. Perhaps LuneNoire's cleaning of the kitchen floor the other day jumpstarted something. It *does* look 100% better, and I certainly wasn't stepping up to the plate to do it. I'm quite grateful. I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I'm pretty much over any guilt I have about not cleaning the house. I'm pretty sure I'm even the only one who gives a fuck, really, 'cause my standards of clean are over and above most people's, anyway. If I'm OCD in any way, it's certainly with the house. But, notsomuch here. I guilted myself about this for a long time, and the result was a dirty (by my standards) house, AND a miserable me. So, on one hand, I figure that not feeling guilty about it might actually be a step forward, since encompassing myself with guilt is certainly something I do entirely too often. But, then I wonder what my motivation will be, if I don't have the guilt to egg me on. Sure, sure, the textbook answer is simply that I'll do it 'cause *I* want to, 'cause *I* want my environment to be the way I want it, etc.. No need to chime in with that answer. It's just that I'm not there yet emotionally. It's things like this that make me realize just how much of a "motivator" guilt has been in my life. Motivation to not feel it, that is. Definitely worth some exploring as I wrap my mind around it. Right now, it needs to stew a bit more.

For those of you not privy to my hidden journal, tomorrow is both the last day of my working full-time at Sedona, and the first day of a trial employment with my evening client. I'll still be working at Sedona on Saturdays (3 per month, because of my classes), and, if it's approved by the owners, will stay after hours on those days to be able to treat those clients who only want me. We're booked through September on Saturdays, so if my people can come after the scheduled times, then I can treat them, without it fucking with the normal operation of the business.

The trial employment with David at his company is probably not much of a trial. Basically, the idea is that I'm offering to work for him at an amount that will just barely cover my bills, for a short period of time. During this time, my plan is to make myself indispensible, and then we'll discuss a REAL salary, and permanent employment. If they can't meet my needs money-wise, then I'll look elsewhere. I'm very much hoping it'll work out for everyone to do this. Unless I find out very differently, I think I'll enjoy a stint as a personal assistant/secretary/nurse. It should actually be pretty similar to what I did at Fox Center in Illinois. Autonomy, my own office... all good things.

There has definitely been a breaking up of stagnate energy in my life. Things are starting to flow a bit, and this also seems to be happening for BlckwngdOrcl and LuneNoire. I look forward to seeing what continues to happen. A couple of extremely serendipitous things have happened in the very recent past, which should work out very well. I don't feel like expounding further at this time, though.

Anyway, just wanted to take a break from the house stuff and write an update. Happy Fourth and whatnot.