As Per My Conversation With lunenoire

So, we were talking about the afterlife at tc_borderpagans last night.

This morning, after dragging my ass out of bed later than the last possible minute, I remarked to lunenoire that, if he broke my arm, I wouldn't have to go to work. He said that he didn't really think that would be in keeping with his personal thoughts on not causing me pain. In my half-asleep state, I had to agree that, if he broke my arm, I'd end up in the hospital, when really, my goal is to go back to bed.

So, I decided that, since I'm of the opinion that one chooses the nature of their own afterlife, he should kill me instead. I'd choose an afterlife of bed, of course.

Bastard went to work, and I'm sitting here all alive and out of bed and shit.

:)

blckwngorcl got me a new kitten!

Lookie!

And I'll make a great mom, too! I have all the right qualifications!

Your sexual experience rates at 85%. Virgin [||||||||||||||||||..] Slut   Your weirdness score is 44%. Stereotypical [||||||||............] Totally unique Get your own score!

Still Alive...

OK, even though lunenoire refused to kill me this morning, and then I couldn't find my keys, and then I had to put gas in the car, and then I got on 400 before I remembered I didn't have toll money, and was kindasorta late for work (I got off on a technicality)...

When I got there, the owner noticed I looked tired. Combine this with my staying at work 16 hours on Saturday, which puts me in overtime, and her desire to save money right now, and the fact that there appears to be something going around, and I had no explanation for being exhausted, and the fact that we had extra nurses today... I got sent home.

So, here I am. Gonna hop in bed soon. :)

From elorie

1) If you could go back to some age or other...say, eighteen...knowing what you know now, would you?

Hmmmm... I've often wondered this one myself. I'm a firm believer that the choices I've made and the experiences I've had up to this point have shaped the person I've become. And yeah, there could be a lot of improvements in me, but who *can't* make that assertion? Looking back at age 18, I was a senior in high school, and then just starting college. With the caveat that this is only marginally true when applied to any instant in one's lifetime, the only things that I can think of that was a huge deal back then at that age were two things: I lost my virginity, and I made the decision to go to college and major in psychology. Nothing else was really much of a life-changing thing, that I recall. I certainly wouldn't change the college thing. The virginity thing? Probably not. It was pretty much how I had hoped it would be in many ways, and I did care deeply about the person I lost it to. So, seeing as how there was no major life event at that age that I would have wanted to change, I would have to say no. (For the record, even though there are some things I'd like to have done differently at other ages, I think I'd still lean towards no as the answer to this question, simply because of what I said at the beginning. I'd be a different person, and... strange as it seems to "hear" myself say it, I'm pretty happy with the person I am right now, and I'm happy with the changes I'm making, and thinking about making - for the most part.)

2) What if you could just send back a message?

That, I think, would be my choice. Because of exactly that word - CHOICE. If I sent back a message, then my 18-year-old self would have a choice whether or not to heed the message. I'd like to think that I'd pay special attention to a message from a future version of myself at any age. If I had a message to give myself, I think it would be a nebulous one. Not something like "Don't take that right turn at Albequerque", or "Don't date this guy", or "Don't put down that answer on the test"... but something broader. Something like "Have courage", or "Your own instincts and thoughts and feelings are infinitely more important than what you're being pressured to do by society, your parents, and other outside forces". "Follow your heart". That would be a good message. But I'd have to put it in such a way as to give myself some concrete ideas for doing so. It's a message I tell myself (and anyone who will listen) now, and STILL have a hard time heeding. Maybe if I had started giving myself that message earlier, it'd be easier (or at least more familiar) now.

3) What if you could go back in time, but not during your own lifetime? What time would you pick?

I have to pick just one? Well, assuming I could go there and come back to this lifetime with that knowledge, I'd like to go back to the time of Jesus, and hang out with him. Find out what he REALLY taught, and not what the Church (capital C meant as an insult, not a measure of respect) is teaching now. In general, I'd love to go back to any time with a great figure like that, and learn at his/her knee.

4) Aardvarks or platypi?

Platypi! Much cuter and cuddlier.

5) What are you planning to do after you die, anyway?

In spite of my statement last night about the potential for not giving a fuck about the living world once a person dies, I think I would like to spend some time hanging out with people I love. Helping them out, giving them messages, and tormenting them for fun. Pretty much what I do now, with more cosmic oomph. After that... not sure. A vacation, at least. And then? Who knows? I'd like to dance in heaven and hell, and to know that the difference between the two isn't as great as we think it is.

Or something like that.

Query...

OK, so Jupiter moves into Scorpio as I'm writing this. (At this very moment, in fact.)

I went with the husbands to their astrology class tonight, and sat in on it. I very much want to take these series of classes when I can afford to do so. Anyway, we have a Scorpio sun and two Scorpio risings in our house, so this should be an auspicious year for all of us. So, based on what I've been told on various occassions about myself, my chart, etc., it seems that I should be doing something socially. Like teaching, seminars, that sort of thing. This keeps coming up time and again. And, honestly, it's something I would enjoy doing. And yeah, I know some stuff about some stuff. But to teach it? To go out there in the world of (potentially) critical others and try to say that I'm knowledgable enough about it to stand in front of a room and expound upon it... well, that's kinda scary.

But then again, it's totally not, either. I get off on that shit. I'm not afraid to speak in public, and I'm not sure that I'm horrible at it, either. I've done the speech class thing, given various speeches in other classes, always gotten good grades on it. When I worked at Fox Center, I was the leader of the interdisciplinary team when it came to the guys on my living area. And I was considered the best at that job (tied with Earline, actually - it just depended on who worked with who, and whose personality you liked best). To be fair, it wasn't in the IDT meetings that I shone (in my opinion). It was in my daily interaction with clients, staff, parents. Which, maybe, is the heart of those meetings, but that's not the way I think of it.

Anyway, the point is, I have some concrete evidence to back that up. But, I'm horrible at determining what I'm good at. More accurately, I stick my fingers in my ears and go "lalalalala" when it comes to that, even though I can pay lip service to things I do well. I doubt myself and my abilities. Who doesn't? But... I'm curious as to the outside perspective.

If you could see me doing something along the lines of teaching or seminars or the like, what subject do you think I would excel at? If nothing, what subjects do you think I *could* do well at, if I did a little more research/learning/etc.? Any other suggestions?

I'm really curious about this. Plus, I'm scared, and I need reassurance.

Humor me?