Dreams and Reality
Sep. 26th, 2005 10:30 amSo, in last night's dream, I was back and forth between the house and work. Except that wherever I worked had a TV that we watched, and I didn't really remember being at work, only that, when I saw the same show at home, I remembered I'd also seen it at work.
I remember waking up, and going out into the living room.![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lunenoire had cleaned the place up a bit, and rearranged the furniture. I was both grateful, since it looked so much better, and annoyed, 'cause I would have done it differently. I didn't say anything about the annoyed part, though, 'cause it was obviously still a work in progress, and I could just change it if I wanted to. There was a lot more furniture than we actually have. The couch was set up, and there was a chaise lounge-like thing, and a deep blue velvet chair, like would be in a parlor. There was another couch, sitting in front of the fireplace, but facing the wrong direction. I didn't like that it was facing away from the fireplace, but noted that it faced the TV in the next room, so I figured that was its current functionality. Anyway, I think the general consensus was that we were gonna watch TV, and I noticed the show that was on was this one that I'd seen at work, bits and pieces, but never a full show. The gist of it was that ordinary people suddenly, and for some unknown reason, saw through the illusions of the world. Kinda like What the Bleep meets The Matrix. Definitely a sinister feel to it. For some reason, I remember clearly that the first guy it happened to wore red.
Anyway, the part of the dream that's troubling me is that, somehow,blckwngdorcl and I got in a fight. He did something that pissed me off, but the real reason I was mad at him was that he hadn't had sex with me in a while. I remember he said or did something that (I think) was unrelated to sex, and it pissed me off, and I went out of my way to get up and slap him. This was followed by the two of us tousling on the floor for a while. Both of us had stuff in our hands... papers, or something. I kept hitting him, he kept hitting me, but it seemed half-hearted in both our cases. I don't know what it was on his end. On my end, I was angry, and wanting to hit him, but at the same time, I was feeling my usual oh-why-bother in response to the anger, while at the same time, rolling around on the floor with him was arousing me, and I found just as often as not, I'd rather be kissing him, but then the fear of rejection rose up, so I ended up just hitting him again, but in that weak girly way where they're beating on someone's chest ineffectually, being angry, when all they want (and end up doing) is to break into tears and sob. I don't think I got to that point in the dream. I think I woke up in the middle of the tousle and mixed emotions.
Of course, the reality of the situation is that I *am* going through that right now. So the dream was pretty true-to-life, as far as my emotions go.blckwngdorcl is still sleeping, and not responsive (or negatively responsive) to gentle attempts to wake him. (Correction... he appears to be awake now... I *have* been sitting here typing this and chatting with a much-welcome and much-missed friend while writing this.) I'm feeling unloved and unwanted, which I think it what I was feeling yesterday morning, which paradoxically backlashed into not wanting to be touched for a while. When probably, that was what I wanted the most. *sigh*
I have no resolution for this. Typically, there's only one cure for this. *shrug* I am hoping my current conversation helps, though.
I remember waking up, and going out into the living room.
lunenoire had cleaned the place up a bit, and rearranged the furniture. I was both grateful, since it looked so much better, and annoyed, 'cause I would have done it differently. I didn't say anything about the annoyed part, though, 'cause it was obviously still a work in progress, and I could just change it if I wanted to. There was a lot more furniture than we actually have. The couch was set up, and there was a chaise lounge-like thing, and a deep blue velvet chair, like would be in a parlor. There was another couch, sitting in front of the fireplace, but facing the wrong direction. I didn't like that it was facing away from the fireplace, but noted that it faced the TV in the next room, so I figured that was its current functionality. Anyway, I think the general consensus was that we were gonna watch TV, and I noticed the show that was on was this one that I'd seen at work, bits and pieces, but never a full show. The gist of it was that ordinary people suddenly, and for some unknown reason, saw through the illusions of the world. Kinda like What the Bleep meets The Matrix. Definitely a sinister feel to it. For some reason, I remember clearly that the first guy it happened to wore red.Anyway, the part of the dream that's troubling me is that, somehow,
blckwngdorcl and I got in a fight. He did something that pissed me off, but the real reason I was mad at him was that he hadn't had sex with me in a while. I remember he said or did something that (I think) was unrelated to sex, and it pissed me off, and I went out of my way to get up and slap him. This was followed by the two of us tousling on the floor for a while. Both of us had stuff in our hands... papers, or something. I kept hitting him, he kept hitting me, but it seemed half-hearted in both our cases. I don't know what it was on his end. On my end, I was angry, and wanting to hit him, but at the same time, I was feeling my usual oh-why-bother in response to the anger, while at the same time, rolling around on the floor with him was arousing me, and I found just as often as not, I'd rather be kissing him, but then the fear of rejection rose up, so I ended up just hitting him again, but in that weak girly way where they're beating on someone's chest ineffectually, being angry, when all they want (and end up doing) is to break into tears and sob. I don't think I got to that point in the dream. I think I woke up in the middle of the tousle and mixed emotions.Of course, the reality of the situation is that I *am* going through that right now. So the dream was pretty true-to-life, as far as my emotions go.
blckwngdorcl is still sleeping, and not responsive (or negatively responsive) to gentle attempts to wake him. (Correction... he appears to be awake now... I *have* been sitting here typing this and chatting with a much-welcome and much-missed friend while writing this.) I'm feeling unloved and unwanted, which I think it what I was feeling yesterday morning, which paradoxically backlashed into not wanting to be touched for a while. When probably, that was what I wanted the most. *sigh*I have no resolution for this. Typically, there's only one cure for this. *shrug* I am hoping my current conversation helps, though.
