Restless Dreams
Jan. 27th, 2005 04:39 pmI drove all the way to work this morning, feeling kinda out of sorts, kinda nauseous, headachy, stuffed up, and just altogether blah. The headachy had actually been going on for a few days, and the stuffed up-ness has been more or less constant for a couple of weeks, so I didn't think much of it. In fact, I figured the nausea and the blah were due to eating chocolate cake for breakfast. Eating poorly is something my body is becoming less and less tolerant of me doing - which is a good thing, really. Note to self: No more cake (except maybe what they make at Life Grocery). Anyway, I expected once I got out of the car and started moving at work, I would feel better. Not so much. In fact, getting up and out of the car made me feel HORRIBLE. I walked in long enough to pay Nisa the money I owed her (she runs a little cafe' in our building - very very nice woman, who insists on floating me when I'm broke) and tell the receptionist and the opening nurse that I felt like shit. I ended up leaving a note on the charge nurse's desk and leaving. Which I know means I REALLY felt like shit - to drive all that way, and not try to work is really unusual for me. Anyway, I ran into the charge nurse as I was leaving, who didn't hesitate to agree to send me home. (She called a little while ago to check on me. I was still in bed at the time. She said I looked horrible this morning. Which is, strangely enough, encouraging. I sometimes wonder if I'm so good at faking it that I fool myself.)
So, I went home. I got in just as![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blckwngdorcl was waking up, and curled into bed. Because I was restless and couldn't sleep right away, we ended up talking for a while; we had a really good talk, and got a lot of things worked out. Funny how stuff comes up that needs to come up, even when you didn't realize they were as big of issues as they were. Anyway, that was a good thing. I eventually ended up falling asleep, and had some strange dreams. I kinda wanted to get up immediately and write about them, but I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. Hunger has eventually prodded me into uprightness, and I made better food choices (thank you, profundis, for turning me on to that Ezekial bread!), but even that has resulted in me feeling like shit again. Instinct tells me I need to call off work tonight, too, although I hate to do that. I don't get paid for it. I probably will, though. I should start to pay attention to my body. Plus, I realize, looking at my schedule, that I work Saturday this week (I had Tuesday off) and I have process group on Sunday, so I don't really have a day off until Wednesday, and I think I have an appointment then. At any rate, I want to sit up long enough for the food to digest, and I want to write down what few images I remember.
blckwngdorcl and I were going to Pam's. I know there was some sort of issue there. We were late, or we were irritable, or we had forgotten something, or any combination of some thing(s) that made us restless and/or cranky. (This isn't going to be in order, by the way - I remember snippets of my dreams, at best.) I remember being in her house, in a place I normally don't go, or else she just had a new bathroom. I got the impression that it was inside her house, though, 'cause I could tell there were things that were distinctly her there. I was in using the bathroom, and I noticed something in the sink. It turned out to be a skunk. It didn't seem to really notice me, and I restrained myself from attempting to get its attention. I wanted to pet it, of course - I've always thought a skunk would be a cool pet. Then blckwngdorcl and I were back in the room where Pam does her therapy, and she was telling us that it wasn't the day for therapy, that I was supposed to be there for a Core class - which Glenn couldn't go to, of course. This didn't go over well between the two of us. blckwngdorcl was understandably irritated that I'd gotten him up and dragged him there for nothing, and now he had nowhere to go. In the meantime, there was something about laundry. I think we'd brought out laundry, and there were some stains on it, and we were arguing about how to clean it. I knew what needed to be done to fix it, and he was kinda barreling ahead without me, which irritated me. I think a tug-o-war ensued, and I remember something about salt in connection with the stain-lifting process, and making a mess all over Pam's floor. (Note: This probably has some basis in real life - At the risk of TMI, our sheets need washed after my period came sooner than I expected last week. I vaguely remember hearing once that salt and cold water are good for blood stains.) Anyway, then blckwngdorcl was gone, and I ended up in class, but still feeling out of sorts, which I expressed to my classmates as we were settling into the day. At some point, I remember going back into the bathroom with the skunk in it. This time, I noticed movement and looked in the sink, and noticed there were two adult skunks, and one was giving birth, and there were several babies in the sink already. Either that same time, or another time I went in there, the skunk noticed me, and wiggled a bit, and I ran out, to prevent being sprayed. (Note: I don't think I was actually scared of being sprayed. My instinct was telling me that I was safe, but logic told me to get the hell out of there. In the dream, I remember being afraid that I had been sprayed, but not being able to tell.)
I know there were other things I dreamed of. Things in a different dream, different imagery than the almost linear stuff above. I can't remember them, though.
I did get out my Animal Speak book (Ted Andrews), though, to see what skunk represents. The keywords it notes are sensuality, respect, and self-esteem. It talks a lot about skunk medicine helping you come into your own; how skunk moves at its own pace, and is fearless, but peaceful. All good lessons for me to learn. Although, I must say that, there were many many things in that section of the book that reminded me oflunenoire.
Anyway, I think I'm going to go back to bed, maybe do a little light reading. I'll eventually call my client and let him know I'm not coming tonight.
So, I went home. I got in just as
blckwngdorcl was waking up, and curled into bed. Because I was restless and couldn't sleep right away, we ended up talking for a while; we had a really good talk, and got a lot of things worked out. Funny how stuff comes up that needs to come up, even when you didn't realize they were as big of issues as they were. Anyway, that was a good thing. I eventually ended up falling asleep, and had some strange dreams. I kinda wanted to get up immediately and write about them, but I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. Hunger has eventually prodded me into uprightness, and I made better food choices (thank you, profundis, for turning me on to that Ezekial bread!), but even that has resulted in me feeling like shit again. Instinct tells me I need to call off work tonight, too, although I hate to do that. I don't get paid for it. I probably will, though. I should start to pay attention to my body. Plus, I realize, looking at my schedule, that I work Saturday this week (I had Tuesday off) and I have process group on Sunday, so I don't really have a day off until Wednesday, and I think I have an appointment then. At any rate, I want to sit up long enough for the food to digest, and I want to write down what few images I remember.blckwngdorcl and I were going to Pam's. I know there was some sort of issue there. We were late, or we were irritable, or we had forgotten something, or any combination of some thing(s) that made us restless and/or cranky. (This isn't going to be in order, by the way - I remember snippets of my dreams, at best.) I remember being in her house, in a place I normally don't go, or else she just had a new bathroom. I got the impression that it was inside her house, though, 'cause I could tell there were things that were distinctly her there. I was in using the bathroom, and I noticed something in the sink. It turned out to be a skunk. It didn't seem to really notice me, and I restrained myself from attempting to get its attention. I wanted to pet it, of course - I've always thought a skunk would be a cool pet. Then blckwngdorcl and I were back in the room where Pam does her therapy, and she was telling us that it wasn't the day for therapy, that I was supposed to be there for a Core class - which Glenn couldn't go to, of course. This didn't go over well between the two of us. blckwngdorcl was understandably irritated that I'd gotten him up and dragged him there for nothing, and now he had nowhere to go. In the meantime, there was something about laundry. I think we'd brought out laundry, and there were some stains on it, and we were arguing about how to clean it. I knew what needed to be done to fix it, and he was kinda barreling ahead without me, which irritated me. I think a tug-o-war ensued, and I remember something about salt in connection with the stain-lifting process, and making a mess all over Pam's floor. (Note: This probably has some basis in real life - At the risk of TMI, our sheets need washed after my period came sooner than I expected last week. I vaguely remember hearing once that salt and cold water are good for blood stains.) Anyway, then blckwngdorcl was gone, and I ended up in class, but still feeling out of sorts, which I expressed to my classmates as we were settling into the day. At some point, I remember going back into the bathroom with the skunk in it. This time, I noticed movement and looked in the sink, and noticed there were two adult skunks, and one was giving birth, and there were several babies in the sink already. Either that same time, or another time I went in there, the skunk noticed me, and wiggled a bit, and I ran out, to prevent being sprayed. (Note: I don't think I was actually scared of being sprayed. My instinct was telling me that I was safe, but logic told me to get the hell out of there. In the dream, I remember being afraid that I had been sprayed, but not being able to tell.)I know there were other things I dreamed of. Things in a different dream, different imagery than the almost linear stuff above. I can't remember them, though.
I did get out my Animal Speak book (Ted Andrews), though, to see what skunk represents. The keywords it notes are sensuality, respect, and self-esteem. It talks a lot about skunk medicine helping you come into your own; how skunk moves at its own pace, and is fearless, but peaceful. All good lessons for me to learn. Although, I must say that, there were many many things in that section of the book that reminded me of
lunenoire.Anyway, I think I'm going to go back to bed, maybe do a little light reading. I'll eventually call my client and let him know I'm not coming tonight.
