Free Will Astrology

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): This week I'll give you nine of Darryl
Cherney's 20 "Rules of Activism." Honed during his many years of
protecting the environment, they should be useful to you as you fight for
justice and liberation in your own sphere. 1. Never turn down help. 2.
Don't believe your own BS. 3. Speak in plain language. 4. Find the truth in
what everyone says. 5. The most interesting things sometimes happen
last. 6. Advance planning is overrated. 7. Seize the moment. 8. You never
succeed the same way twice. 9. Surf the tidal wave.

In other words, it's all topsy-turvy right now. Hang on and enjoy the ride!

Why doesn't that sound encouraging?

Daily Metasymbology

blckwngdorcl - The Five of Diamonds

The Five of Diamonds indicates a change in your financial condition, up or down, money coming in or going out. This card can also indicate changes within your present business such as changing locations or the way in which you do business. Another possible manifestation of this card would be taking one or more business trips.

At its deepest level, the Five of Diamonds signals a time when you will undergo a change in values. If our values, or what we really want from life, changes, it is likely that many other changes will occur at the same time. We could move to a new location, get a new job or even change relationships. In other words, all things valued are susceptible to a big change when this card appears, especially if it appears as the Long Range, Pluto or Result Card.


bookofmirrors - The Eight of Diamonds

The Eight of Diamonds tells you that you will have a considerable amount of financial power. The power to make money is yours and this is power that you probably want to use for some special purpose. Financial power can come from many avenues. You could earn the money or you could borrow the money but one thing is for sure. In order to have this financial power, you will have to get very clear on how much money you want and what the purpose of having that money will be. You see, the Eight of Diamonds means focusing and concentrating our VALUES, and making choices about what is most important in our life and what is not. Through this kind of focus, money is always attracted to us in the amounts we need.

This is encouraging...

Another Goodie from paganbear

I'm not normally in the habit of posting Bible verses on my computer, but... I like it, and the hyperlink isn't to be missed!

God has shown me that I should not call any man unholy or unclean. Acts 10:28 For there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28 Nor should there be gay or straight, liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, American or French, debit or credit, paper or plastic, for if we are to be one, then we cannot continue to claim Jesus' name and yet push prejudice. Click the Rainbow Jesus for some laughs.

Great Googly Moogly!

K'La is not "constant"

K'La is not a member of any public groups

K'La is taken to be a function of agitator power input

K'La is the slope

K'La is defined as volumetric mass transfer rate coefficient

K'La is the slope of the line

K'La is assumed to...

K'La is/RRCPDAT

K'La is found to be statistically distributed

K'La is somewhat different than New York

K'La is one of the most important scale up factors in fermentations

K'La is the gain of the lock-in amplifier

K'La is attracting great numbers

K'La is expressed as Kla=L/A(4)

K'La is now the sole authority in Kosovo

K'La is that of the Eastern Orthodox Church of Christ

K'La is the only umbrella girl in the AFM

K'La is highly expressed

K'La is a bi-annihilator algebra

Damn... after that last one, I'm too scared to go on... but check out the umbrella girl one! There's actually another K'La in the world!

Musings

I was sitting outside with the cats and got to thinking a bit...

It's been 4 years since I moved here from Illinois.

It doesn't seem like that long. At ALL. I keep counting back, thinking I'm wrong in this calculation, but I'm not. I moved here in July of 2000 - the 17th, I think. 4 years.

Why, then, does it seem like such a short time?

4 years of college certainly seemed like it took longer than this.

But my main frame of reference, in this case, are Fig and Leo. I was married to Leo for 3 years (with him 7, 4 of which were the aforementioned college years), and divorced from him for 5. For the entirety of those 5 years I was with Fig (such as that was). Only the past 3 of those years was it him and I living alone.

Just before I moved down here, the shit going down with Fig prompted me to look at my past relationship with Leo with a clearer hindsight. As a result of this, we got back together for a while, talked, and worked shit out. The sex was great, too. :) I remembered some of the good stuff I'd blocked out, and understood my own decisions, and why I would make them again.

That interaction was crucial for me. I forgave him, forgave myself, and walked away from it to move here. I haven't heard from him in years. I miss him, actually. I'd love to be able to have a relationship with him. His wife, however, is viciously jealous of me (perhaps of everyone, but according to him, she has a special hatred of me - this is understandable, really). This prevents him from really having a relationship of any kind with me, even just talking. (Which is all it would be, 'cause blckwngdorcl isn't currently comfortable with my having any type of sexual relationship with my ex-husband. A pretty understandable request, really.) I honestly think that, if I hadn't had that opportunity, to fully see what the deal was with that relationship, and its demise, I couldn't have been in a relationship with blckwngdorcl. I don't think I would have been in the right frame of mind. I don't think I would have had the self-awareness to recognize and do a lot of the things I've done in this relationship.

I thank Leo for that. Part of me wishes I could tell him that personally, but part of me knows it would be cruel, since, last I heard, there's a big part of him that would love us to be a couple again. Maybe that's no longer the case. I don't know.

But, once again, this entry is more about Fig than Leo. It took me 5 years to figure out what the deal was with my relationship with Leo, and that was all after the fact. I don't see myself being any closer to figuring Fig and I out, though. (Of course, I would have said that 4 years after Leo, too.)

And part of me's kinda scared about it. I mean, I had a traumatic breakup (such as it was) that caused me to have that kind of insight about Leo and I - and I sure as hell don't wanna go that route again, useful as it was. Unlike my relationship with Leo, where I blocked out the good stuff for a long time, I still remember the good stuff with Fig. And the bad stuff. But I still haven't come to terms with it, either. I know what Fig's relationship with Jessica means for him. I have the benefit of distance, and wisdom. Jessica is his self-imposed karma for me. I intuit that his marriage to her will end similarly to my marriage with Leo, because my relationship with him was the catalyst for my divorce to Leo. (NOT the cause, in case I didn't make that clear to begin with.) There are entirely too many parallels between the two, and also between her and the person I was when I married Leo for me not to jump to that conclusion, and it certainly feels right. It would also give me a sense of vindication, and I-told-you-so (and I think I did, although not quite in so many words), and I'm still angry enough about the situation to want that.

But I digress, as usual.

The point is, my relationship with Fig, and the repurcussions of that, have been a huge stumbling block for my current relationship with blckwngdorcl. And I'm pretty tired of that. I'm tired of that fear. I'm tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. If 5 years is the magic number, then dammit, why am I not seeing any progress here???

Of course, I've had ONE experience in my life that HAPPENED to be a 5-year cycle. And, as I said, it was brought on by the happenings in my life at the time, and probably had little to nothing to do with the time frame. I think I'm clinging to that as the light at the end of the tunnel. ("And it comes to be, yeah, yeah... and it comes to be, yeah..." *ahem* Sorry.)

Interestingly enough, when I was in the process of leaving, I was talking to Leo, and he was lamenting my departure, and I told him that I didn't expect to be there more than 5 years, and after that, I'd be back (the implication being that I'd come back to him). Certainly, there was part of me that wanted to reassure him, but it felt True to me at the time. Now? I don't know. I've chosen a very different path since then. And I'm very happy with that path, and it's one I desire to follow, and one that I think offers me the best opportunity to truly be Myself.

walkingbear often talks about leaving one path he loved, to be with the woman he loved, and there's such longing in his voice when he talks about it. I left the path I was walking with Leo, which, undoubtedly, would have led me to be the wife and mother, work for the state for 30 years and retire with stocks and a great pension, and watch my children grow old. The subject of children is another post (that's been brewing for a while), but the point is, I chose to leave that path, and walk this one. I lament the loss of the children I could have had. I pray to meet blckwngdorcl's daughter one day. But this is the path that speaks to my heart, and, most likely, is going to be the hardest to walk. In spite of the simplicity I longed for in bulwerk's LJ, I find finding myself very complicated.

And that should be the easiest thing of all.

Pro-Crasti........Nation

I'm supposed to be folding and putting away laundry right now. Of course, putting away laundry REQUIRES me to have good TV to watch. I need something to distract me from what I'm actually doing, since it's something I don't particularly like. Unfortunately, there's nothing that particularly interests me right now, on TV, any of the many movie channels, or OnDemand.

So... Here I am.

Bleh!