Merging

It's late, and I'm getting tired, but I'm thinking that tired while it's still fresh in my mind is better than awake with that not-so-fresh-feeling...

Oh, wait...... *grin*

Anyway...

blckwngorcl and I were talking over dinner tonight, and we somehow got on the subject of the various Star Trek series (is serieses a word?), and he was telling me some of the stuff from DS9, since I haven't seen too many of those episodes. He was explaining about the Dominion, and Odo, and whatnot, and he was describing how they mate/communicate.

For those whose knowledge equalled mine on this subject, here's the deal. Apparently, these guys are shapeshifters, and when they mate, they merge completely with their partner, becoming, quite literally, One. When they separate, they retain all their old stuff (memories and feelings and the like), but they also have all those of their partner.

As he was telling me this, I was thinking how fucking awesome that was, how breathtakingly and indescribably beautiful. And it occured to me that that is exactly the level of boundaries that I think is ideal. How fabulous to be able to share yourself with someone like that. Nothing muted, nothing censored, nothing held back for fear of some sort of ridicule, anger, confusion. All laid bare and accepted. Strangely enough, I didn't think of being able to have that access to another until much later, almost as an afterthought. That kinda surprised me, 'cause I love getting into people's heads, hearts, souls. I love knowing people. But it was an afterthought here. I wanted to share, share without fear.

And, on a purely intellectual level, it occured to me that others might not feel the same way. That maybe this concept I have of total sharing may be Utopia for me, but for others, scary as hell. Morally wrong, even. Or any other objection that can be thought of. But much as I seem to understand what elorie says about boundaries when she says it, I truly can't fathom how I harm myself, or lose myself in an interaction like what's mentioned above. My power, my beauty, my SELF... remains intact. Grows, even. Shines brighter for the sharing. It's so beautiful and pure and simple for me, I just don't understand how other people don't feel the same way. It makes my soul sing, this thought of merging and sharing.

I explained all this to blckwngdorcl, and he said that's why I was either 2000 years too late, or 2000 years too early. (He was referring to something I'd heard from a couple of channelers/psychics, who said that this is my first incarnation since before Jesus came along.) That my way of thinking was just so far off from others'. The first channeler had said something like that. That much of the reason my concepts are so incongruous to the concepts of so many others is because I haven't had as much experience with this way of thinking. True or not, it would certainly explain much. I remember having an argument with Fig about something, and him saying, in exasperation, "You know what your problem is? You think everyone thinks like you! NO ONE thinks like you!!!"

I think that pretty much sums it up. I don't think it's quite that drastic, to be sure.

But like I said... it explains a lot.