From barefoot1342

[bookofmirrors]

Faithful...


I am polyamorous. Really. So, when listening to music, I automatically check for lyrics that don't fit with poly. If I hear them, I stop listening to the song. "You're my one and only." "I love you the best." Etc. I don't want to hear those sorts of messages. I am tempted to avoid the word "faithful", because the common connotation is about sexual exclusivity. It seems that often, for monogamous people, sexual exclusivity is the only or the most important thing for the relationship. "At least he isn't cheating on me..." And, as far as being "faithful" goes, that's seems pretty easy to me. You mean all I've got to do is *not* fuck other people? Okay.

With polyamory, though, "faithful" is much more complex. We've all agreed that it's okay to fuck other people. So, how do we show our loyalty? How do we honor each other? How do we demonstrate that we are faithful? Like everything else, figuring out those answers has to be taken one person at a time. What it means to be faithful to X is completely different than what it means to be faithful to Y, which is different from how to be faithful to me.

I like the word faithful. When I hear it in a song I don't think "I'm never going to sleep around." Instead, I think "I'm going to spend a lot of my energy listening to you and figuring out your specific needs and fears and wants, and I'm going to do my best to do the particular things that honor and care for you."

I like it.

Comments

[dragontdc.livejournal.com]

I have that same ear for lyrics, but I don't stop listening. It just pisses me off. Especially the ones that are all possessive, as if someone was owning another person.

Re: Neat thoughts :)

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :) I can't take credit for this (note subject line), but it has got me to thinking, and I like it very much, too, and I'm pretty sure I agree with it. I'll have to continue pondering it, and give it my own flavor, though. :)

[-bitch-goddess-.livejournal.com]

"I'm going to spend a lot of my energy listening to you and figuring out your specific needs and fears and wants, and I'm going to do my best to do the particular things that honor and care for you."

Wow hun ... I really like this interpretation, and I'm not poly! (grin)

I am also poly.

[galaxy-jane.livejournal.com]

I also like your rant. I found your journal through elorie's, and found you too interesting not to read also. I like seeing from other people that the things I believe in personally are true for other people, some sort of logical proof, as well as the emotional proof I feel. I believe that faithful equals kind of a code of honor, kind of a pirates' code of honor sort of thing. We can sleep with other people, but we commit to protecting and defending each other, physically, emotionally and socially. I know that people have my back. I feel safe.

Re: I am also poly.

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

That's beautiful. And thank you. Good to see that I'm not the only one who agrees with what barefoot1342 wrote.