Quick Update

[bookofmirrors]

Well, as usual, my clients have cheered me up. Not entirely. Not to discount my feelings this morning, which were all accurate as depicted, it might not be the best thing for me to decide what mood I'm in after 3 hours of sleep in a similarly sleep-deprived week. All that shit still needs to be worked on, but I don't feel quite as hopeless as I did.

Strangely enough, whatever mood I was in, combined with whatever mask I put on to function well at work, seems to be an appealing one. Apparently, I have the new and unique distinction of having had every single client I treated today request me for next time. Not sure how I feel about that. I mean... if I had been my true authentic self, and people had wanted that... but then again... maybe I'm not as mask-y as I think. I wasn't trying to be, I don't think. But... *sigh* Anyway... it's a big deal, I guess, and an honor, and a sign of a job well done and all that... but... I dunno... Maybe I just can't take a compliment. Maybe I figure if they knew what a morose fuck I was this morning, they wouldn't have been interested in seeing me again.

OK, I'm apparently getting depressed again, which was NOT the plan in writing this.

I think I'll go back to my original plan of playing on Cingular, and maybe watching a movie and sorting laundry.

P.S. All hail walkingbear, who introduced me to peach lambic. Tasty. Very tasty.

Comments

[elorie.livejournal.com]

Maybe I just can't take a compliment

Ding! I'll take self-effacement for $500, Alec.

I mean, why should they care if you were morose this morning? The point is, you didn't take it out on THEM. Given how most people act, that's practically miraculous.

I think there's a serious difference between being your authentic self and broadcasting everything you're thinking and feeling. We're back to boundaries, again. Sometimes, I am Authentically reserved, know what I mean?

[jaguarraven.livejournal.com]

Choosing to smile and be pleasant is a choice... and you made it. It isn't a mask, it's about getting on with life and doing what you need to do. The choice is to get on doing it with a smile and a pleasant attitude. Good for you!!!