bookofmirrors | All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

I'm feeling effervescent and creative right now, but really don't know of an outlet that suits me, so I thought I'd come here and see what happened when I started typing. This might be long, and there won't be a cut tag. Remember, you were warned.

Watching What the Bleep...? has put me in a mood. But really, I was in that mood to begin with. I was in a pretty decent mood before I even got that check in the mail, and getting that just made me allsortsa joyous.

I use the word joyous a lot, and often sarcastically. But, to take a turn of phrase from Lemony Snicket, joyous is a term which here means awestruck, delighted, in love with the world, loved, trusting, full in heart, and other such good things.

I'm following my path. And the world is coming into alignment around me as I do. The Universe is providing for me to do so. Undoubtedly, I'm forming the new neural networks the movie speaks of. Networks of joy instead of despair, progress instead of stagnation, prosperity instead of poverty.

Will there be bad days? Of course! That's OK, though. Even on my bad days, I recognize that there's some higher purpose in it. Hell, 20/20 hindsight even leads me to suspect I got hit last November simply so I COULD get a check in the mail today that would cover my classes. I'm glad no one was hurt, though.

Everything's falling into place. It's coming full circle from the BP gather sumbel, where my first non-structured oath/toast/boast was all three. I don't remember the exact words, but I said something like, "I am the Blade and the Mirror. May we all have the courage to look at our reflections and slice away that which is false." I'm sure those aren't the exact words, in fact, but that's what I was meaning. I can break that down. The oath in that is a bit 2-fold. I'm not only stating that I'm the Blade and the Mirror, I'm making a pledge to follow that path. I'm also pledging myself to look at my reflection and take that blade to myself. The toast is to everyone there, and to humanity as a whole - may we all learn to face our darkest fear (ourselves) and grow. The boast is that I AM the Blade and the Mirror. I strive towards it, but I am already that. I just need to remember it, and act in accord.

I'm very pleased that, even if it's taken a while, that is coming to fruition. I feel I've upheld my end of the bargain, so to speak. No dishonor to the sumbel will come from me, and that pleases me.

It's not just a one-year commitment for me, though. The year since that ritual is almost up, and though I've upheld my oath, it still remains. For me, it's a lifetime commitment. That's a bit overwhelming, so for now, I'll take it one day at a time. In my mind, the current chunk I'm willing to bite off is 4 years. That's my current goal, beyond the one day at a time thing.

(This entry was pre-empted for a while by surfing a bit to see what our options for our second anniversary are. Just one more year to go,

walkingbear!) ;)

Ah... in spite of the cup of coffee I had earlier (Mmmmm, Zombia AA from the Coffee Shop of Horrors, compliments of the lovely

chalice66), I'm feeling a bit sleepy, drowsy, what have you. A content feeling, like the end of a long, productive day. And really, I haven't been all that productive, I don't think. But my mind has been working a mile a minute, and there's just so much STUFF.

And my heart is full.