Thwarted

Well, I tried doing that meme that's going around, but the bandwidth has been exceeded for a couple of days, so the world will never know what I honestly think of tbrents, something humiliating about simplysakka, what I would do if spy_isis professed her undying love for me, and if dai_syn is the sexiest person alive. Among other pressing questions of our lifetime.

So sorry. Your loss.

Public Service Announcement

I hear so many different pronunciations of "meme", and I never know which one is right, so I finally got off my ass and consulted dictionary.com. Below are the results. Unfortunately, the pronunciation symbols they use don't translate to LJ (in fact, I had to add the "e" back in the pronunciation key, 'cause it just deleted it altogether in the copy/paste), but for everyone's edification, the correct pronunciaton is with a long e. (Rhymes with "bee".)

meme Audio pronunciation of "meme" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (mem)
n.

A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another.

Thank you. You may go on about your day now.

P.S. Like the new icon? I got the 100 userpics thing, so I'll be adding more and probably showing them off. Feel free to ooh and ahh. :)

Another Dream

This whole going to bed when I'm actually tired thing is pretty cool. I wake up around 5am, no longer able to sleep, and have the whole day to myself. My client is in Charlotte today, so I'm off tonight, which is cool. I might get 3 full nights of sleep in a row! (I literally don't recall when that's last happened, outside of me being sick.)

So, anyway, I think being able to laze around in bed allows me to remember my dreams better.

blckwngdorcl and lunenoire weren't exactly in the dream, but I was aware of them being off somewhere else. I think I was supposed to meet them later. Anyway, I ended up in this coffee shop, where it seemed that feygirl worked. (Hey, feygirl! What cute li'l icon thingy you wanna be?) I was happy to be there, amongst pagans again. I recognized a few faces, but mostly not. At first, there were very few people there. There was a BP-type meeting going to be going on later, though, but I had planned to leave shortly after it started... I think I was going to another social-type place, and another BP-like meeting. Making the rounds, as it were, perhaps. So, anyway, all the sudden ALL these people just practicall MARCH in, all at the same time. They were the ones there for the meeting. I was surprised at this. I asked feygirl how she'd gotten them all organized like that. (I mean, really... cat-herding! PST!) I don't remember exactly what she said, but it came across that this particular group just chose to be responsible, and down-to-business, although I didn't get a sense of stiff formality about them. Focus, however, was clear. I saw mostly new faces. I think I saw grizzlydan and Ocean, but everyone else I either didn't know them by name, or at all. I ended up sitting at the end of one table, next to this young guy, with black hair and dark-rimmed glasses. Kinda the artsy type, I guess, and intense in a similar way that elephantankh is intense. Young, and new to this, but possessing an uncommon strength, discipline, and power in his magic (for his age). So, the meeting started. I was ready to leave, but everyone clasped hands (we were at 3 long tables, so I only was clasping hands with the guy on my left) and began an opening prayer, the contents of which I don't remember, and I don't think I noticed at the time, anyway.

What I did notice was the raw energy and power in the room. I was surprised. Partially because it had all happened so effortlessly, quickly, and outside of any real ritual. Partially because, I'd been out of the pagan loop for so long (this was my first venture back) that I'd forgotten what it was like to feel it. Hell, I've felt so disconnected lately, I wasn't sure I COULD feel it. But feel it I did, very strongly. The boy next to me was delighted in general, and expressed his joy in various ways, including rubbing up against me in a completely nonsexual way... just in that way people do when they're just enjoying life, enjoying themselves, and enjoying others around them. It was disconcerting, a bit, but I was trying to allow myself to relax and enjoy it.

Sometime, shortly after this, I ended up naked. Not sure how that happened. I don't think I was naked all along, but I had somehow gotten that way in the course of the meeting (which I don't remember anything about... I think the dream just skipped that part). Anyway, I got up to go to the bathroom, still naked. Now, the coffee shop was enclosed, but it was almost in kind of a mall place, and to get to the bathroom, you had to pass through a darkened, but much more public, area. I was aware of my nudity, aware of the two men in business suits standing just a few feet away from the bathroom door, but I went anyway. I don't recall their reaction, if any. I think they were so shocked they didn't really react much at all, but there was something there. Sort of an I-can't-believe-my-eyes kind of reaction, but I didn't feel rejected.

(Note: I think chimerawinds would say this relates to my parents, being represented by the conservative-looking men. And she's probably right...)

That's all I remember of the dream... I don't recall at what point I woke up.

*sigh*

I can't really bring myself to call my parents. What do you say to someone whom you've sorely disappointed, and you're very very sorry for that, but you're not really sorry for what you DID to disappoint them, because you really don't believe, think, or feel that that thing is wrong?

I need to write them a letter, of course. But I have no idea what to say, where to start...