![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Aug. 14th, 2005
Just Another Post
Aug. 14th, 2005 10:04 amMy break turned into going to bed. I need to make a couple of edits to the entry I made last night (I'll just add it to the end, so no one has to scroll around looking, if they're interested.
My horoscope today was interesting...
K'La,
You may have big ideas about what you want to talk about with your friends or family, yet as you get closer to the opportunity it may become somewhat scary. You just don't know where the conversation will lead you -- and in fact, it probably won't go the way you expect. Set your fears aside, Libra, for you have the light of the Sun pouring its energy into your life. You will be fine once you get over your own resistance.
Another post is also pending. I'm just waking up.
My horoscope today was interesting...
K'La,
You may have big ideas about what you want to talk about with your friends or family, yet as you get closer to the opportunity it may become somewhat scary. You just don't know where the conversation will lead you -- and in fact, it probably won't go the way you expect. Set your fears aside, Libra, for you have the light of the Sun pouring its energy into your life. You will be fine once you get over your own resistance.
Another post is also pending. I'm just waking up.
Oh, yeah, and a dream I had...
We were at class (Core), and we were doing the usual. There was a chick there (black chick, in case that makes a difference... she actually looked a lot like that really awesome chick from The Psychology of Birth)who was somehow in our class. She was pregnant, and it was either 3-4 weeks or 3-4 months (I think it was the latter)till she was due. I think there was some issue with her pregnancy... the doctors had said something about something, not real clear on that, but it involved her possibly having a C-section, or something potentially gonna go wrong. There was a general feeling of Western medicine interfering with the natural process, 'cause she wasn't really having any problems with the pregnancy, so all of us were a little confused... wondering if there was more to the story, and maybe there really was something wrong that needed to be dealt with... and a little angry/offended in that keep-your-laws-off-my-body sorta way, thinking that these doctors were just older men who knew nothing about the beauty, spirituality, and sacredness of the birthing process, and fuck 'em anyway. At any rate, we figured it didn't matter, 'cause she wasn't gonna have the baby anytime soon, anyway. So, we went on with class, and there was some exercise where we all ended up lying down in this certain position while the rest gathered around and helped us do something-I-don't-remember-what. We'd all taken our turn, but apparently something else had come up, which made Pam think of a different way to do it, so she used the pregnant chick to demonstrate. The chick ended up lying with her back against the wall where the bed usually is, and sorta sitting up with her legs bent. We were all gathered around. I was directly in front of her. Nothing had happened yet, as far as whatever Pam had planned, but all the sudden I realized that this chick was naked, and her vulva extremely prominent. It seemed to swell, and it wasn't until it started to open that I finally admitted the obvious to myself. She was giving birth. "Pam, she's crowning!" I said. (One of my classmates is an OB/GYN, but she ended up not participating, for some reason. Probably because Pam's a midwife, and when we're in class, she's kinda in charge, and had things in hand, so there was no need.) Pam very calmly went over and basically caught the baby as it slid effortlessly out. The mother was just sitting there quietly. She might have been asleep. There was no noise, no tension, no messy body fluids, just this baby all the sudden. We were all standing around. I was looking at the baby, who looked pretty full term to me, and not at all like a premie, and Pam and some of the other students were gathered around the baby, crooning to it, basically saying things to the effect of, "You didn't wanna wait for those bad ole doctors, did you? You knew what you needed, and here it is, all for you. Welcome to the world!" I remembered being a bit troubled because of the alleged reports of problems, but my eyes and my instinct were telling me that everything was fine, was magical, was a miracle. I was warring with this when I woke up.
Now, I'm guessing that this does have something to do with what I wrote yesterday. I'm not fully sure of the connections and whatnot, but I think the Western medicine references relate to my parents, to conventional WASP society, and the class (and/or the baby) represented the world I live in, which ISN'T conventional society. And even though I wanted to believe, wanted to give some sort of credence/credit to what they said, I could feel that it just wasn't true. Just as my parents' values aren't true for me. But I still want something, some way that I can connect to them.
We were at class (Core), and we were doing the usual. There was a chick there (black chick, in case that makes a difference... she actually looked a lot like that really awesome chick from The Psychology of Birth)who was somehow in our class. She was pregnant, and it was either 3-4 weeks or 3-4 months (I think it was the latter)till she was due. I think there was some issue with her pregnancy... the doctors had said something about something, not real clear on that, but it involved her possibly having a C-section, or something potentially gonna go wrong. There was a general feeling of Western medicine interfering with the natural process, 'cause she wasn't really having any problems with the pregnancy, so all of us were a little confused... wondering if there was more to the story, and maybe there really was something wrong that needed to be dealt with... and a little angry/offended in that keep-your-laws-off-my-body sorta way, thinking that these doctors were just older men who knew nothing about the beauty, spirituality, and sacredness of the birthing process, and fuck 'em anyway. At any rate, we figured it didn't matter, 'cause she wasn't gonna have the baby anytime soon, anyway. So, we went on with class, and there was some exercise where we all ended up lying down in this certain position while the rest gathered around and helped us do something-I-don't-remember-what. We'd all taken our turn, but apparently something else had come up, which made Pam think of a different way to do it, so she used the pregnant chick to demonstrate. The chick ended up lying with her back against the wall where the bed usually is, and sorta sitting up with her legs bent. We were all gathered around. I was directly in front of her. Nothing had happened yet, as far as whatever Pam had planned, but all the sudden I realized that this chick was naked, and her vulva extremely prominent. It seemed to swell, and it wasn't until it started to open that I finally admitted the obvious to myself. She was giving birth. "Pam, she's crowning!" I said. (One of my classmates is an OB/GYN, but she ended up not participating, for some reason. Probably because Pam's a midwife, and when we're in class, she's kinda in charge, and had things in hand, so there was no need.) Pam very calmly went over and basically caught the baby as it slid effortlessly out. The mother was just sitting there quietly. She might have been asleep. There was no noise, no tension, no messy body fluids, just this baby all the sudden. We were all standing around. I was looking at the baby, who looked pretty full term to me, and not at all like a premie, and Pam and some of the other students were gathered around the baby, crooning to it, basically saying things to the effect of, "You didn't wanna wait for those bad ole doctors, did you? You knew what you needed, and here it is, all for you. Welcome to the world!" I remembered being a bit troubled because of the alleged reports of problems, but my eyes and my instinct were telling me that everything was fine, was magical, was a miracle. I was warring with this when I woke up.
Now, I'm guessing that this does have something to do with what I wrote yesterday. I'm not fully sure of the connections and whatnot, but I think the Western medicine references relate to my parents, to conventional WASP society, and the class (and/or the baby) represented the world I live in, which ISN'T conventional society. And even though I wanted to believe, wanted to give some sort of credence/credit to what they said, I could feel that it just wasn't true. Just as my parents' values aren't true for me. But I still want something, some way that I can connect to them.
