PDH Session
Sep. 7th, 2005 11:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookofmirrorsSo, I went over to keiracaitlyn's tonight for a PDH session. Although my major schedule change won't happen until October (details on this if/when I get around to posting about that), I've made some significant changes for September, which should allow me more "me" time.
In the meantime, though, except for that brief time I wrote about a week ago, and a few brief glimpses, I've been completely disconnected from myself, from the Universe... just altogether off-kilter. I hadlunenoire check my chakras a while back, and he said they were overall just askew, out of place, re-wired, etc.. Like I'd had to do so to be able to live my life the way I was living it. (Note: I was later told that I should never have anyone who lives with me check my chakras, because they're too close. I mentioned this to keiracaitlyn, who said she would modify that to anyone I was involved with, which I figured would put two strikes against him in that vein, even though I was pretty sure he was right in his assessment, or at least pretty close. keiracaitlyn said immediately after, however, that lunenoire's skill level at that sort of thing pretty much exempted him from that rule of thumb. Nice to have one's trust in the face of well-meaning advice validated.)
Anyway,keiracaitlyn confirmed that I was all over the map. She said that the only chakra that was working right was my throat chakra. Weird. She also said my 8th chakra was actually pretty good, too, but my crown chakra was deflecting any energy coming towards it. She also said I'd been grounding through my feet a lot. I was kinda surprised at this, 'cause on those rare occasions when I remembered and was actually able to ground, I'd tried really hard to do so down through my chakras. She said that usually one grounds through the feet unconsciously, when one is so desperate to get the energy any way one can. Well, yeah. That pretty much sums up my life lately. :)
So, she seemed to straighten out my chekras really quickly, which kinda surprised me. Y'know, I figured they were more fucked up than that, and would take a while. I suppose she's just gotten better at what she does. :) Then came the poking and draining part. I'd forgotten about that part. I must block that out. There was a few sore spots, for sure. There was several ticklish spots, mostly in my legs, and some that were a disconcerting combination of both. Anyway, after what felt like a really long time, that part was over. I had the usual "boxes" in my thighs (self-limitation), and a bunch of stuff in my abdomen, but I don't remember what that was about.
When she opened the portals, I could feel energy pulsing all around me, and it seemed to focus on my solar plexus area. At first, it actually felt physical. Like I think it would probably feel to have a flat taut stomach (which, y'know, I don't actually have). But I thought felt out of place for the session, so I concentrated on it for a while, getting a feel for it, before I could actually tell it was energetic. I mentioned it, and she said it was related to sadness - that I had a lot of sadness there that they were working on. I could definitely relate to that. All the issues with my parents (some of which had come up earlier today), as well as all the Katrina stuff. Yeah, sadness. When she opened the next set of portals, she said they were working on my kundalini, turning it orange. I asked what that meant, and she said it was about purpose, passion. (I couldn't help but think of a picture I have... a card, really... it's an artist that P&D sells, and she goes out and does all her paintings at once, as she's inspired, as they come to her, and then she doesn't paint the rest of the year... I can't think of the artist, and I tried doing a little googling, so I could link to it from here, but couldn't find it. I knowfelislunae has some of her stuff - one I really want, in fact, 'cause it's got both a cougar and a golden eagle on it, so it's both my totems, and I know I got elorie one of her things with a bobcat on it a while back... mine are at a friend's in Indiana, getting framed, so I can't just go look. (EDIT: This is the picture.) Anyway, the point I was trying to get to was that I have a card from this artist, with two cougars on it, and she had called it "Purpose and Passion".) Anyway, this was related to things that were things on the path I'm supposed to be walking, not all the stuff I'd had to focus on recently. She said that at one point, they pretty much just did a massive flush of shit out of me (puns intended, actually - mine, not hers). I mentioned that, unlike all my other sessions, I couldn't see colors. She said that, in her experience, people getting the really deep work done that I was getting, tended not to notice it as much as when they were working on other more surface-y things. Other than the general pulsing energy, and the stuff in my solar plexus, I didn't really feel much, although I was a little dizzy-like at the end, which I don't remember ever feeling before.
Getting out of the car going home, I felt sorta disjointed, but clearer at the same time. Like (well, JUST like) someone who had been out of alignment for so long that it felt more natural, so that when they were *correctly* aligned, it felt RIGHT, just foreign. Like I had to learn to walk again. I talked toblckwngdorcl and lunenoire (who, in the course of me writing this entry, has informed me that his totem is a skunk, so I will change his little icon appropriately - you saw it here first, folks!) for a while, and soaked in the tub. Usually, I just rub myself all over with the salt, but this time I felt like soaking. I could hear my heart while I was submerged. Much too fast, and it has a gallop, which I don't recall hearing before. Well, it's not like I've been taking good care of myself, boys and girls. That's part of why my schedule had changed. Actually on the way to the session, I'd been thinking about animals, calling around, seeing what resources I had, to possibly try to help out ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lupaloo in her quest, and thinking about my own cats. Murke, right when blckwngdorcl and I got married, had some "mast" cells on his head (which I'm pretty sure, but haven't bothered to look up, is just a better-sounding way of saying cancerous, or pre-cancerous, cells). We had them removed, and I was told by an animal communicator a while back that he'd had those, because he'd taken on my illness. And I've been having chest pains pretty much daily for a couple of weeks now. And Neg died of a heart attack. I'd say it makes me wonder, but right now, I'm having a hard time even thinking about that possibility. If it's true, I'm not in a position to accept that gift gratefully, with a mind to changing my life for the better. Right now, I'd be more in a position to wallow in guilt and self-pity. And maybe I need to allow that for a while, but... well, y'know, as brave as I try to be about facing my demons, I think I'm just putting that one on the back burner for a little while.
Anyway, after my shower, feeling kinda ...not fragile, really, but... delicate... There was a bit of a ...hmmm... can't think of a word. Discussion isn't right, nor is altercation... but something like when you have one instead of the other. Don't know if there's a word for that. Anyway, that took me a minute to adjust to, 'cause I hadn't been as connected to people in the past, so it was overwhelming at first, both to feel someone else, and to try to keep tabs on myself at the same time. It turned out OK in all directions, though, so that was good. Just something I had to adjust to.
I was planning on going to the pool tonight, but I don't really want to go alone. Not for fear, per se. But I don't want to be disturbed, and I'd like to have someone as Guardian.lunenoire needs the sleep, and blckwngdorcl isn't feeling well, so he's not up for it. I don't feel a horribly pressing need, so I can wait for the weekend. I'm also aware that Talyn has a pool in which I'm told some magical things have happened, and I might someday opt for that, instead. Anyway, it's on the agenda for "soon". So, that's pretty much it.
Oh, andkeiracaitlyn said my wings were blue, which was about safety and security. Yeah... that would be worry about financial security, in this case, I believe, although I could see if there were some deeper-seated issues about the security of my identity in general. And when I came home, lunenoire said he could see my aura, which he hadn't noticed he couldn't see before, until he saw the difference. He said it was blue, but I forgot to ask him what a blue aura meant to him. Oh, and at the PDH session, she said there was something coming up for me soon... a revelation, an a-ha moment. I'll keep you posted. :)
keiracaitlyn's tonight for a PDH session. Although my major schedule change won't happen until October (details on this if/when I get around to posting about that), I've made some significant changes for September, which should allow me more "me" time. In the meantime, though, except for that brief time I wrote about a week ago, and a few brief glimpses, I've been completely disconnected from myself, from the Universe... just altogether off-kilter. I had
lunenoire check my chakras a while back, and he said they were overall just askew, out of place, re-wired, etc.. Like I'd had to do so to be able to live my life the way I was living it. (Note: I was later told that I should never have anyone who lives with me check my chakras, because they're too close. I mentioned this to keiracaitlyn, who said she would modify that to anyone I was involved with, which I figured would put two strikes against him in that vein, even though I was pretty sure he was right in his assessment, or at least pretty close. keiracaitlyn said immediately after, however, that lunenoire's skill level at that sort of thing pretty much exempted him from that rule of thumb. Nice to have one's trust in the face of well-meaning advice validated.)Anyway,
keiracaitlyn confirmed that I was all over the map. She said that the only chakra that was working right was my throat chakra. Weird. She also said my 8th chakra was actually pretty good, too, but my crown chakra was deflecting any energy coming towards it. She also said I'd been grounding through my feet a lot. I was kinda surprised at this, 'cause on those rare occasions when I remembered and was actually able to ground, I'd tried really hard to do so down through my chakras. She said that usually one grounds through the feet unconsciously, when one is so desperate to get the energy any way one can. Well, yeah. That pretty much sums up my life lately. :)So, she seemed to straighten out my chekras really quickly, which kinda surprised me. Y'know, I figured they were more fucked up than that, and would take a while. I suppose she's just gotten better at what she does. :) Then came the poking and draining part. I'd forgotten about that part. I must block that out. There was a few sore spots, for sure. There was several ticklish spots, mostly in my legs, and some that were a disconcerting combination of both. Anyway, after what felt like a really long time, that part was over. I had the usual "boxes" in my thighs (self-limitation), and a bunch of stuff in my abdomen, but I don't remember what that was about.
When she opened the portals, I could feel energy pulsing all around me, and it seemed to focus on my solar plexus area. At first, it actually felt physical. Like I think it would probably feel to have a flat taut stomach (which, y'know, I don't actually have). But I thought felt out of place for the session, so I concentrated on it for a while, getting a feel for it, before I could actually tell it was energetic. I mentioned it, and she said it was related to sadness - that I had a lot of sadness there that they were working on. I could definitely relate to that. All the issues with my parents (some of which had come up earlier today), as well as all the Katrina stuff. Yeah, sadness. When she opened the next set of portals, she said they were working on my kundalini, turning it orange. I asked what that meant, and she said it was about purpose, passion. (I couldn't help but think of a picture I have... a card, really... it's an artist that P&D sells, and she goes out and does all her paintings at once, as she's inspired, as they come to her, and then she doesn't paint the rest of the year... I can't think of the artist, and I tried doing a little googling, so I could link to it from here, but couldn't find it. I know
felislunae has some of her stuff - one I really want, in fact, 'cause it's got both a cougar and a golden eagle on it, so it's both my totems, and I know I got elorie one of her things with a bobcat on it a while back... mine are at a friend's in Indiana, getting framed, so I can't just go look. (EDIT: This is the picture.) Anyway, the point I was trying to get to was that I have a card from this artist, with two cougars on it, and she had called it "Purpose and Passion".) Anyway, this was related to things that were things on the path I'm supposed to be walking, not all the stuff I'd had to focus on recently. She said that at one point, they pretty much just did a massive flush of shit out of me (puns intended, actually - mine, not hers). I mentioned that, unlike all my other sessions, I couldn't see colors. She said that, in her experience, people getting the really deep work done that I was getting, tended not to notice it as much as when they were working on other more surface-y things. Other than the general pulsing energy, and the stuff in my solar plexus, I didn't really feel much, although I was a little dizzy-like at the end, which I don't remember ever feeling before. Getting out of the car going home, I felt sorta disjointed, but clearer at the same time. Like (well, JUST like) someone who had been out of alignment for so long that it felt more natural, so that when they were *correctly* aligned, it felt RIGHT, just foreign. Like I had to learn to walk again. I talked to
blckwngdorcl and lunenoire (who, in the course of me writing this entry, has informed me that his totem is a skunk, so I will change his little icon appropriately - you saw it here first, folks!) for a while, and soaked in the tub. Usually, I just rub myself all over with the salt, but this time I felt like soaking. I could hear my heart while I was submerged. Much too fast, and it has a gallop, which I don't recall hearing before. Well, it's not like I've been taking good care of myself, boys and girls. That's part of why my schedule had changed. Actually on the way to the session, I'd been thinking about animals, calling around, seeing what resources I had, to possibly try to help out lupaloo in her quest, and thinking about my own cats. Murke, right when blckwngdorcl and I got married, had some "mast" cells on his head (which I'm pretty sure, but haven't bothered to look up, is just a better-sounding way of saying cancerous, or pre-cancerous, cells). We had them removed, and I was told by an animal communicator a while back that he'd had those, because he'd taken on my illness. And I've been having chest pains pretty much daily for a couple of weeks now. And Neg died of a heart attack. I'd say it makes me wonder, but right now, I'm having a hard time even thinking about that possibility. If it's true, I'm not in a position to accept that gift gratefully, with a mind to changing my life for the better. Right now, I'd be more in a position to wallow in guilt and self-pity. And maybe I need to allow that for a while, but... well, y'know, as brave as I try to be about facing my demons, I think I'm just putting that one on the back burner for a little while.Anyway, after my shower, feeling kinda ...not fragile, really, but... delicate... There was a bit of a ...hmmm... can't think of a word. Discussion isn't right, nor is altercation... but something like when you have one instead of the other. Don't know if there's a word for that. Anyway, that took me a minute to adjust to, 'cause I hadn't been as connected to people in the past, so it was overwhelming at first, both to feel someone else, and to try to keep tabs on myself at the same time. It turned out OK in all directions, though, so that was good. Just something I had to adjust to.
I was planning on going to the pool tonight, but I don't really want to go alone. Not for fear, per se. But I don't want to be disturbed, and I'd like to have someone as Guardian.
lunenoire needs the sleep, and blckwngdorcl isn't feeling well, so he's not up for it. I don't feel a horribly pressing need, so I can wait for the weekend. I'm also aware that Talyn has a pool in which I'm told some magical things have happened, and I might someday opt for that, instead. Anyway, it's on the agenda for "soon". So, that's pretty much it.Oh, and
keiracaitlyn said my wings were blue, which was about safety and security. Yeah... that would be worry about financial security, in this case, I believe, although I could see if there were some deeper-seated issues about the security of my identity in general. And when I came home, lunenoire said he could see my aura, which he hadn't noticed he couldn't see before, until he saw the difference. He said it was blue, but I forgot to ask him what a blue aura meant to him. Oh, and at the PDH session, she said there was something coming up for me soon... a revelation, an a-ha moment. I'll keep you posted. :)
