Dream

[bookofmirrors]

Oh, yeah, and a dream I had...

We were at class (Core), and we were doing the usual. There was a chick there (black chick, in case that makes a difference... she actually looked a lot like that really awesome chick from The Psychology of Birth)who was somehow in our class. She was pregnant, and it was either 3-4 weeks or 3-4 months (I think it was the latter)till she was due. I think there was some issue with her pregnancy... the doctors had said something about something, not real clear on that, but it involved her possibly having a C-section, or something potentially gonna go wrong. There was a general feeling of Western medicine interfering with the natural process, 'cause she wasn't really having any problems with the pregnancy, so all of us were a little confused... wondering if there was more to the story, and maybe there really was something wrong that needed to be dealt with... and a little angry/offended in that keep-your-laws-off-my-body sorta way, thinking that these doctors were just older men who knew nothing about the beauty, spirituality, and sacredness of the birthing process, and fuck 'em anyway. At any rate, we figured it didn't matter, 'cause she wasn't gonna have the baby anytime soon, anyway. So, we went on with class, and there was some exercise where we all ended up lying down in this certain position while the rest gathered around and helped us do something-I-don't-remember-what. We'd all taken our turn, but apparently something else had come up, which made Pam think of a different way to do it, so she used the pregnant chick to demonstrate. The chick ended up lying with her back against the wall where the bed usually is, and sorta sitting up with her legs bent. We were all gathered around. I was directly in front of her. Nothing had happened yet, as far as whatever Pam had planned, but all the sudden I realized that this chick was naked, and her vulva extremely prominent. It seemed to swell, and it wasn't until it started to open that I finally admitted the obvious to myself. She was giving birth. "Pam, she's crowning!" I said. (One of my classmates is an OB/GYN, but she ended up not participating, for some reason. Probably because Pam's a midwife, and when we're in class, she's kinda in charge, and had things in hand, so there was no need.) Pam very calmly went over and basically caught the baby as it slid effortlessly out. The mother was just sitting there quietly. She might have been asleep. There was no noise, no tension, no messy body fluids, just this baby all the sudden. We were all standing around. I was looking at the baby, who looked pretty full term to me, and not at all like a premie, and Pam and some of the other students were gathered around the baby, crooning to it, basically saying things to the effect of, "You didn't wanna wait for those bad ole doctors, did you? You knew what you needed, and here it is, all for you. Welcome to the world!" I remembered being a bit troubled because of the alleged reports of problems, but my eyes and my instinct were telling me that everything was fine, was magical, was a miracle. I was warring with this when I woke up.

Now, I'm guessing that this does have something to do with what I wrote yesterday. I'm not fully sure of the connections and whatnot, but I think the Western medicine references relate to my parents, to conventional WASP society, and the class (and/or the baby) represented the world I live in, which ISN'T conventional society. And even though I wanted to believe, wanted to give some sort of credence/credit to what they said, I could feel that it just wasn't true. Just as my parents' values aren't true for me. But I still want something, some way that I can connect to them.

Comments

[simplysakka.livejournal.com]

I hope this doesn't sound too tongue-in-cheek, but it's fairly matter-of-fact, and just came to me, so I hope it helps.

When things kind of cool off a bit, maybe another week or so, have an open conversation with your mother. Say something to the effect of, "All right. I know you don't approve of my lifestyle or my choices. I can deal with that. I know you don't agree with my philosophies on life or my morals, or ethics, and I have to accept that. But what I can't deal with is feeling separated from you. I still love you, you are my mother, and I want for us to come to terms with this somehow so that we can still share the love, the mother-daughter connection that I so cherish and long for. How can we bring this about?" And perhaps see how she responds. Maybe your parents are short-sighted Moral Majority Christians, but from what you've told me, they certainly don't seem like mere sheep. They sound like they can hold their own mentally and psychologically, and they have what it takes in the intelligence department to understand that their attitudes about this will only end up driving you away, not changing you. Instead, be the one to step forward and make the effort. At the very least, you'll know where things stand in the end.

*hugs* I hope this situation gets better for you, as I don't like seeing you plagued by it, or anything.

[bookofmirrors.livejournal.com]

That, my dear, is the best case scenario that I'm hoping for. Wish me luck for having the courage to pull it off, and hope that my mother goes for it.

Thank you.