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bookofmirrorsNot really sure why I'm posting. I don't have much to say, but I'm awake, and have little better to do.
Well, certainly there are other things I could be doing. But awake does not imply alert, and I'm far from that right now. I'm quite groggy, in fact, and my sinuses being fussy doesn't help the situation.
I think I have a milder form of whatsimplysakka had last week, and when I took my shower yesterday morning, I felt no better, and perhaps somewhat worse. It was one of those days where I wavered back and forth on calling in to work. If I had gone, I could likely have functioned and done well, but not listening to my body's needs would likely have put me in a much worse space the next day. So, I did end up calling in to Sona. I didn't call into ParaQuad until much later, since I was hoping that a day of rest would put me in a position where I felt better by the time that shift came around. However, driving with blckwngdorcl to pick up some medicine exhausted me, so I figured that wasn't a good sign. So, the most productive thing I did all day was fold laundry while watching Beloved, which had been recommended by lunenoire. Weird movie.
blckwngdorcl wasn't feeling too good himself. He had a headache, which we tried to doctor, but he apparently wasn't at work very long before his supervisor sent him home. I had already gone back to sleep by this time, and left my phone downstairs, so I didn't hear it ringing, when he was trying to get a hold of me, hoping I could get a ride to drive him home. As it was, he had to drive home with his head tilted a strange way, and his eyes squinted almost shut, looking pretty much only straight ahead. I'm thankful he made it home OK. Anyway, he went straight to bed himself, and as of just before I got out of bed, he said he still had a dull ache behind his left eye.
He's kinda high on sick days, and we're not sure how many more he can have without getting let go. Which makes me wonder if the Universe isn't giving us a hint. A while back, we had discussed the possibility of him staying home while I worked. Mostly, this was due to my higher earning power, and just having the one car between us. This was before my Core classes (and the attendant expenses) started. However, with me having both positions again, it would be very doable for us to have him stay at home. It might even be preferable. I'd actually get more rest, be more able to keep up with things, because I'd have the car pretty much to myself, and be able to drive home when I got off work, rather than waiting for him.
When we first talked about doing this, several months ago, I was really concerned about it. I mean, we had not too terribly long ago had a really bad experience with him staying home. He intended to write music, and ended up playing video games all day. However, at the time, we talked frankly about it, and talked about how, if he stayed home, he'd be responsible for the maintainence/cleaning of the house. He was actually enthusiastic about it, and I really liked the energy he was giving off in regards to it. I asked him what was different about it this time as opposed to before, and he said that there was something more positive about it - moving toward something rather than away from it (he had also been having issues with his job at Starship at the time), and that it felt more like a choice to him now. We never did follow through with it. Never one to be terribly impressed with society's ideals of how things should be, in the end, I really caved on it.
It's not that we decided against it. It's always been in the back of our minds since we talked about it, and it's come up more than once since then, and the energy has still been good, and it's still seemed like a good idea. Part of me is more afraid of what others will think about it, given his and my track record of doing things like this in the past. *I* feel fine about it. So does he. Really, I shouldn't let others dictate that, especially when they aren't trying to, or no longer have that influence on me. My parents, of course, will freak, especially since he's carrying our insurance now, and it's, for all practical purposes, the only insurance we have. The only thing I'm really worried about, though, is the dental stuff. And we could get him an appointment quickly and use up the yearly max before he leaves.
Even so, without looking at the opinions of others, it's scary. It makes logical sense to both of us. His money right now is being used for a very few things which amount to less than $100/month, and the rest has been going entirely to leisure. Granted, leisure is important, but I could easily make up that money, especially with the new gig at ParaQuad, which looks to be permanent. And we'd still have money to pay down debt, which is really important to us. And actually, this wouldn't necessarily be a permanent thing, 'cause he's planning on looking for another job, anyway. However, I'm not very worried about it, since we'd just end up with the transportation problem again. (Well, unless he found something on a bus line... then it would be OK.) But it's hard not to cling so tightly to our still-tenuous prosperity, and to squeeze the life out of it. It's hard to trust in it, even though I've been shown REPEATEDLY in the past couple of months that my personal prosperity, at least, is going up. His isn't. He needs to do more work in that area. Which is OK, really. And, from what I can tell, in fact, right along the same lines of what he's working through with Pam right now. He'll get there. I know he will. But in the meantime, I'm in a good place. Which means WE'RE in a good place.
I'm also comfortable with his taking over the household duties. Of course, I'll have to show him how things need to be done - it's not as intuitive for him as it is for me, since he didn't grow up with my mother. ;) But, with the exception of yesterday, when he wasn't feeling well himself and was providing moral support for me, he's been the only one in the house who's consistently done his chores, something I commented about to him the other day. (By the way, thanks to whoever cleaned the kitchen yesterday!) I have no doubt he would do whatever was asked of him, household-wise. And that would free up my weekends, too, as well as allow him the leisure time he needs during the week, after his chores are done, so I'd be able to spend more time with him on the weekend.
This whole thing looks better and better. And honestly, it's never looked BAD. But... it's still way scary. We'll continue to talk about it. But I really think it would work, and work well.
I'm gonna go see if I can go get some more sleep before it's time to get up and vote, and hopefully go to work. I figure if I can vote without a problem, I can go to work. If voting exhausts me, then I likely won't go to work. That's the plan.
Of course, I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to vote 3rd party, or vote Kerry. I don't like voting for Kerry, particularly. He's certainly not my first choice. But the scenario of, for instance, Kerry getting 30% of the vote, a 3rd party getting 30% of the vote, and W getting 40%, and winning... just scares me. So we'll see... I'll let my gut guide me when I get there.
Well, certainly there are other things I could be doing. But awake does not imply alert, and I'm far from that right now. I'm quite groggy, in fact, and my sinuses being fussy doesn't help the situation.
I think I have a milder form of what
simplysakka had last week, and when I took my shower yesterday morning, I felt no better, and perhaps somewhat worse. It was one of those days where I wavered back and forth on calling in to work. If I had gone, I could likely have functioned and done well, but not listening to my body's needs would likely have put me in a much worse space the next day. So, I did end up calling in to Sona. I didn't call into ParaQuad until much later, since I was hoping that a day of rest would put me in a position where I felt better by the time that shift came around. However, driving with blckwngdorcl to pick up some medicine exhausted me, so I figured that wasn't a good sign. So, the most productive thing I did all day was fold laundry while watching Beloved, which had been recommended by lunenoire. Weird movie.blckwngdorcl wasn't feeling too good himself. He had a headache, which we tried to doctor, but he apparently wasn't at work very long before his supervisor sent him home. I had already gone back to sleep by this time, and left my phone downstairs, so I didn't hear it ringing, when he was trying to get a hold of me, hoping I could get a ride to drive him home. As it was, he had to drive home with his head tilted a strange way, and his eyes squinted almost shut, looking pretty much only straight ahead. I'm thankful he made it home OK. Anyway, he went straight to bed himself, and as of just before I got out of bed, he said he still had a dull ache behind his left eye.He's kinda high on sick days, and we're not sure how many more he can have without getting let go. Which makes me wonder if the Universe isn't giving us a hint. A while back, we had discussed the possibility of him staying home while I worked. Mostly, this was due to my higher earning power, and just having the one car between us. This was before my Core classes (and the attendant expenses) started. However, with me having both positions again, it would be very doable for us to have him stay at home. It might even be preferable. I'd actually get more rest, be more able to keep up with things, because I'd have the car pretty much to myself, and be able to drive home when I got off work, rather than waiting for him.
When we first talked about doing this, several months ago, I was really concerned about it. I mean, we had not too terribly long ago had a really bad experience with him staying home. He intended to write music, and ended up playing video games all day. However, at the time, we talked frankly about it, and talked about how, if he stayed home, he'd be responsible for the maintainence/cleaning of the house. He was actually enthusiastic about it, and I really liked the energy he was giving off in regards to it. I asked him what was different about it this time as opposed to before, and he said that there was something more positive about it - moving toward something rather than away from it (he had also been having issues with his job at Starship at the time), and that it felt more like a choice to him now. We never did follow through with it. Never one to be terribly impressed with society's ideals of how things should be, in the end, I really caved on it.
It's not that we decided against it. It's always been in the back of our minds since we talked about it, and it's come up more than once since then, and the energy has still been good, and it's still seemed like a good idea. Part of me is more afraid of what others will think about it, given his and my track record of doing things like this in the past. *I* feel fine about it. So does he. Really, I shouldn't let others dictate that, especially when they aren't trying to, or no longer have that influence on me. My parents, of course, will freak, especially since he's carrying our insurance now, and it's, for all practical purposes, the only insurance we have. The only thing I'm really worried about, though, is the dental stuff. And we could get him an appointment quickly and use up the yearly max before he leaves.
Even so, without looking at the opinions of others, it's scary. It makes logical sense to both of us. His money right now is being used for a very few things which amount to less than $100/month, and the rest has been going entirely to leisure. Granted, leisure is important, but I could easily make up that money, especially with the new gig at ParaQuad, which looks to be permanent. And we'd still have money to pay down debt, which is really important to us. And actually, this wouldn't necessarily be a permanent thing, 'cause he's planning on looking for another job, anyway. However, I'm not very worried about it, since we'd just end up with the transportation problem again. (Well, unless he found something on a bus line... then it would be OK.) But it's hard not to cling so tightly to our still-tenuous prosperity, and to squeeze the life out of it. It's hard to trust in it, even though I've been shown REPEATEDLY in the past couple of months that my personal prosperity, at least, is going up. His isn't. He needs to do more work in that area. Which is OK, really. And, from what I can tell, in fact, right along the same lines of what he's working through with Pam right now. He'll get there. I know he will. But in the meantime, I'm in a good place. Which means WE'RE in a good place.
I'm also comfortable with his taking over the household duties. Of course, I'll have to show him how things need to be done - it's not as intuitive for him as it is for me, since he didn't grow up with my mother. ;) But, with the exception of yesterday, when he wasn't feeling well himself and was providing moral support for me, he's been the only one in the house who's consistently done his chores, something I commented about to him the other day. (By the way, thanks to whoever cleaned the kitchen yesterday!) I have no doubt he would do whatever was asked of him, household-wise. And that would free up my weekends, too, as well as allow him the leisure time he needs during the week, after his chores are done, so I'd be able to spend more time with him on the weekend.
This whole thing looks better and better. And honestly, it's never looked BAD. But... it's still way scary. We'll continue to talk about it. But I really think it would work, and work well.
I'm gonna go see if I can go get some more sleep before it's time to get up and vote, and hopefully go to work. I figure if I can vote without a problem, I can go to work. If voting exhausts me, then I likely won't go to work. That's the plan.
Of course, I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to vote 3rd party, or vote Kerry. I don't like voting for Kerry, particularly. He's certainly not my first choice. But the scenario of, for instance, Kerry getting 30% of the vote, a 3rd party getting 30% of the vote, and W getting 40%, and winning... just scares me. So we'll see... I'll let my gut guide me when I get there.
