Shields Up! Caveat Lector!

[bookofmirrors]

A while back, via technomom's LJ, I ended up on shadesong's LJ. Let me say for the record that I don't know shadesong, wouldn't know her if she came up and slapped me in the face, and have no personal opinions about her one way or the other. I've heard through other people that she's got major issues. On the other hand, her LJ appears to be pretty widely-read. So, take that for what you will.

One of the entries I happened upon while exploring that day was her account of being raped. Not the nicest of stories, of course, as those things tend not to be, but a couple of things stuck in my head.

She had felt compelled to take a walk that night, for no reason that she could describe.

He had felt compelled to take a drive that night, for no reason that he could describe.

Neither of them had left the house with any desire for what occurred to happen. (Obviously, on her part.)

This kept going around in my head. It was almost like it was MEANT to happen. Like Fate (or what have you) had very clearly set them both on this path. On one hand, this seemed cruel and absurd to me. Why would that happen? What kind of sick joke was the Universe playing here?

Something else poked at my mind. I once heard a woman say that she'd had a dream. She had dreamed about her mother, who had apparently been pretty damn abusive while she was growing up. In the dream, she saw her mother as a Divine Being. Her mother told her that she had incarnated as her mother, and had done all those terrible things to her so that she (the daughter) could learn the lessons she'd set out to learn in this lifetime.

I remember reading in Conversations With God, Book 3 (at least I think it was Book 3) that there was a soul back in the day who wanted to experience the act of forgiving someone. But, seeing as how it was kinda early in creation, there really wasn't anything around in need of forgiving. So, another little soul spoke up and said that it would incarnate and give the first soul something to forgive it for.

All these things kinda meshed in my head. Keep in mind that I believe that we DO plan our lives to some extent prior to incarnating here. I don't mean we plan out every detail, but I do think we have a general list of Things To Be Accomplished/Learned/Experienced While Here. I don't think we always follow our own lists - that's what Free Will, or whatever you wanna call it, is for. But, I think we set ourselves up to have certain lessons taught to us while we're here. And, I think some people (souls, whatever) volunteer to help teach us these lessons.

We don't always get the lessons, I don't think. We each choose to react differently to the events in our lives. Sometimes we learn the lessons we planned on, sometimes we don't. Sometimes our volunteer teachers bow out - they have Free Will, too, you know. It's certainly, no doubt, hard as HELL to see some events in our lives as having a Divine Purpose, as being valuable lessons that actually help us along our paths. I read in a book somewhere where a workaholic-type got cancer, and beat it, but it made her slow down and appreciate life more, and change her priorities. She even said that, while she wouldn't recommend getting cancer to everyone, it had certianly had a positive effect on her life when it was all said and done.

Which is the point I'm getting to, really. And the point that I have a feeling is going to piss a lot of people off.

Bad shit happens. To good people. With no apparent reason. We/They/You/I certainly didn't DESERVE it. But, I think, on a cosmic level, before we were born, we ASKED for it. Not in the sense of blaming the victim. That's NOT AT ALL what I'm meaning here. But somewhere along the line we agreed to be taught certain lessons in certain ways, and not all of them pleasant.

And, sure to be even more controversial... this makes all these horrible things that happen to us GIFTS. The hardest lessons of all. The ones we wished we hadn't decided to learn, most of the time. The things we wished like hell we'd never gone through. The things that (usually) affect our lives the most.

Think about it from another perspective. We're all hanging out in Limbo, or Heaven, or the Summerlands, or what have you, talking about what we plan to do next time around. And someone says that they want to learn lesson X while on Earth (or wherever). It's a really hard lesson, almost impossible to learn without experiencing major trauma. It's scary on some level, or at least it will be to the Human Self. And another someone pipes up and says they can help them to learn that lesson. And in order to teach you that lesson, they have to do some pretty fucking horrible things to you while you're on Earth. If one subscribes to the thought that, at our deepest Essence, we're all beings of Love (which I do, by the way), think how fucking difficult it must be for someone to volunteer to do such a hateful act (or acts) to help you learn whatever lesson it is you said you wanted to learn. To volunteer to be the bad guy. Knowing how much what you're going to do is going to hurt someone, make them hate you, whatnot. Think how hard that must be.

Now granted, this theory is full of holes on many levels. For instance, if we're all up there being all Divine and shit, everyone would be fully aware of the in-the-end beneficial give and take going on, and there really wouldn't be much of a sacrifice being made. Even if it were, there's the sense of it being temporary, and once you get back to Limbo (or what have you), everything's cool again. And, it's extremely doubtful that the villians in these scenarios have any sense whatsoever of being benevolent in their actions while they're incarnated. In fact, I'd probably be one of the first to get REALLY pissed (well, you know, such as I get pissed at all...) if a rapist or what not claimed to be doing it for anyone's own good. I don't think you can actually go through with something like that if you have that kind of awareness while you're here. Maybe you can. Who knows.

So, yeah, there's a lot that doesn't quite add up, and I get that. But, I tend to work off intuition rather than logic, and all this just FEELS right to me. It feels profound, and scary as fuck at the same time.

What, you may ask, was the gift I received as a result of being raped? Honestly, I haven't the foggiest fucking idea. I can't attribute having an STD 100% to being raped, so I can't even say it made me more careful. Besides, I think I could have just as easily learned such a lesson from consensual sex. So, I don't know how this theory has affected my own life. And, although it was a story about rape that actually brought these thoughts about, this idea certainly isn't limited to that act. Anything "bad" that happens to anyone falls in this category. So does anything good, for that matter, as far as lesson-learning goes. And I've certainly learned many valuable lessons in my life, from events both "good" and "bad".

Anyway, those are my thoughts, disjointed as they may be.

I'm scared to death about the reactions I'm gonna get from this.... but....

*hitting the Update Journal button*

Comments

[elorie.livejournal.com]

You know I don't think that the fact that you can derive spiritual lessons from anything makes people less responsible for their actions.

I also think that sometimes, the lesson to be learned is not **forgiveness** but **righteous anger**

Maybe you can't figure out what the gift in those experiences was because you haven't accepted it yet.

Normally...I wouldn't presume to tell someone how they should react. But you and I both know that you would rationalize the earth out of its orbit rather than allow yourself to feel anger or, Gods forbid, rage.

The thing about forgiveness is...you can't skip to the end. I believe that you can't truly forgive someone until you have allowed yourself to feel the full measure of your rage.

Anyway, if you thought I was going to get mad at you about this shit...you don't really get me. Actually, I think you do get me; it's that you were letting me stand in for your fear of your own anger. But I'm a big girl, I can take it.

Love,

Sara

[blckwngdorcl.livejournal.com]

I have to agree with elorie on this. It really sounds to me like you are trying to rationalize and intellectualize the emotion out of what happened.

[elorie.livejournal.com]

PS. When are you coming over to see Kiki's Delivery Service with me and Raven? yer just trying to weasel out of it **mock grumble**

[spy-isis.livejournal.com]

Your theory seems insightful to me. I think the opposite holds true, its not just the bad things that teach us lessons, but the good as well. The only place I differ with what you said is that our souls or whatever you want to call it decided...I belive there is a divine presence that gives us these lessons to learn...if we react well then perhaps it is the last time we need to face that lesson. If we react poorly then we need to keep facing the same lessons over and over until we get it right. Love you dear, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[journiey.livejournal.com]

Hey Pookie :)
I Totally Agreed With What You Said, And How You Said It, But I Also Agree With Sarson(Hey Sarah:D)
When She Said

"You know I don't think that the fact
that you can derive spiritual lessons from
anything makes people less responsible for
their actions."

I Think As Far As Divine Lessons Go, If You Act Like A Piece Of Shyte, Even If We Agreed To It,
It Doesn't Keep You From Experiencing The Concenquences Resulting From Your Actions.

Maybe Part Of The Lessoning IS The Full Experiece For Both Parties, The Act, AND The Reaction(s).

Knowing That Jo Was Raped And Murdered, And That There May Have Been A Divinely Oriented Reasons For Such A Happening, Does NOT Mean That If The B@$t@rd Who Perpetrated The Rape And Murder Ever Gets Caught, I Don't Want To See Him Pay. I Do. I Want To Look Into His Eyes And Give Him Back All The Pain He Dished Out, And I Feel The Same Way About A Certain Former HP Of Some Of Us.

I Think There Is Nothing Wrong With Your Theories, I Think You Just Have To Carry Them Through To What Ever Conclusions Seem Divine To You. And Know That All The Work Is Still There What Ever Way You Decide To Go.

Its A Brave World You Have Stepped Into, Scary, But Possible, And Even More then Ever Full Of Self Responsibility :)

<3 Me :)

[chalice66.livejournal.com]

Hey there, I think your post has a lot of good musings in it. I agree that we are here to learn lessons, although whether we choose them, or as someone else suggested, they are assigned to us by deity, who knows? You were saying, I think, that just because we choose these lessons in the void/limbo/summerlands, doesn't mean we have knowledge of those choices while we're living in this reality, nor does it negate our responsiblity for those actions.

I also like your inclusion of free will into the plan. Made much sense to me.

Thanks for the thoughts. :-)
Chalice

Wow.

[savage-rose.livejournal.com]

First off, I would like to say that this does not seem remotely offensive to me. I have had similar questions and theories about "bad stuff" rolling around in my head lately. Who's to say what's true for you has to be true for others, and vice versa? In giving your perspectives, you've given others something to think about.

Secondly, those instances were non-consensual sexual acts. Non-consensual sex=rape. In the first case, you were too out of it to object. When people get/are drugged and/or are raped unconsciously, are they still raped? Of course. In the 2nd...he knew you didn't want it and did it anyway. You reacted how you reacted, and should feel no shame. But it was still rape. But it gets so fuzzy...and you don't want to think of it as rape. I'm just learning how to release my inner demons, so I don't know how you should be feeling if you're really getting over it. But it took a lot for you to post this, so it sounds to me like you're on the road to recovery to me, however far you've gone. :)

Thirdly (and I may should have done this firstly), I was browsing through friends of friends journals, and I now feel compelled to add you as a friend :) Feel free to do the same.

[isarma.livejournal.com]

I agree with what you say and, for myself, I have had it *explained* to me the same. By the universe and by keiracaitlyn, she says much the same. I, like a few others, also agree with Sarsen that everyone is still responsible for their actions.